New Findings

Life takes us down roads we could not even foresee, then the road seems to turn and we wait for everything to kind of make it around the turn without losing everything from before. Sometimes life is like this, a rollercoaster that we feel we cannot control. Yet, there are simple principles to this life, and they are these: love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and your neighbor as yourself. Everything else flows from this command. I admit though that I often get caught up with the "caesars," with the rulers of this world who demand their pay, and the others who provide for us, but only at a price. It's funny how I grew up hearing the importance of the Great Commandment, and at the same time phrases such as, "Money makes the world go round." Even now I struggle to reconcile these two realities. I am someone who pursues life one hundred percent, whether that mean my career, my education, my faith, my friendships, or my sense of self. I cannot just go halfway, and I feel that is what this dichotomy calls of us. I have always heralded the beauty of finding that which you love to do, then figuring out a way to get someone to pay you for doing it. This I may have found. Yet do I go? Going holds so many implications now. What ever happened to the transition between eighth grade and high school. Shoot I didn't have to do hardly anything and it was done. There were no regrets, no second thoughts, after I had made "my" decision. Now I have second thoughts even before I make decisions. So, to give myself a little advice, and to anyone else who might be listening in. Follow your heart, if an opportunity arises and your heart is cool with it, GO, live your Personal Life Story! If not, keep praying, keep searching, walk with your eyes open, do the work, and soon you will find what you seek. For truly our Lord tells us, SEEK and you will find, ASK and it will be given, KNOCK and the door will be opened to you. We play a role in this our life stories, would that we would have the courage to stand up and live them. May God grant us all the grace and courage to live every day as if it were our last.

Moderation

I am reading a book by the acclaimed author of "The Alchemist" Paulo Coelho. It is called "La Quinta Montana" and within he describes the life of the prophet Elias, whose name in English is Elijah. Coelho fascinates me with his ability to make the biblical story to come alive, to describe what it must have been like for the young Elijah to confront the beautiful Jezabel, who undermined the Christian foundations of Israel through her marriage to the king. One particular point Coelho vivifies is that of Elias' mentality. He illustrates that Elias must have realized that he was called to a higher role than those around him, and that fulfilling his role as a prophet would ultimately bring him great joy. But in the short-term he observed his contemporaries "traveling the seas" and "making love to random women" and experiencing through this a great pleasure. Elias knew that this pleasure was short-term, and yet he yearned for the simple life outside that of a prophet. I think that is our way so often, we settle for something, and then God shows us there is so much more that He has in the plan for us, and it is in those moments that we either balk or flourish. Yet flourishing usually does not mean following an easy road. The easy road is looking only to our own, personal, more short-term goals and not opening our minds and hearts to the will of God in our lives. This is the harder road.

Think about any sinful practice. C.S. Lewis makes the point that though the one who does not partake in the practice may be shamed by his peers, he ultimately chooses the more difficult road. It is easy to give in to sin, and so in resisting we grow stronger, if we always give in, we build no moral character nor resolve for future decisions. Seeing that we may be missing out on some level of pleasure in the practice, as Elias surely did, does not make it any easier for us to resist. But this is the road to which we are called. It is okay to acknowledge that some sinful practice, or even a worldly indulgence that is not necessarily sinful, would bring us pleasure, but we must recognize what that pleasure may do to us both physically and spiritually. Then in the end, we must remember who we are choosing for. And so I challenge myself and all of you; choose wisely.

TM

Reflections

First of all, thank you to all of you who continue to read this and inspire me to share the inner workings of my own inexplicable mind...

Unfortunately, issues in life are never 100% clear. Anyone who tells you any differently is trying to sell you something. I got that from somewhere but do not know exactly where to attribute it, so I will just say that I claim a second use of the words that illustrate this truth. C.S. Lewis says that the devil likes to send errors into the world in pairs, in order that by avoiding one in particular we draw nearer and nearer to the other. There is never an easy choice in life for this reason. We have to consider all the angles, what everyone has said on the issue, and in the end make the best decision possible according to our moral standards.

Take Iraq. It must have been a difficult decision to go to war, yet when the time came to stand up and take action our leader did it. And surprisingly, many congressmen supported him who ordinarily would not follow his lead. They were not swayed by party loyalties, but instead according to their own means of decision-making came to vote in favor of the war as well. Now many of them cut out, by saying the president has not gone about in the correct way, even though they endorsed his actions, and likely would have pursued the war in a similar way themselves.

Yet there are others who sit and feel self-justified in that they have always stood against war in any form. "I am a pacifist, and this decision by the president has disrupted the lives of these poor people in the Middle East." Now we must leave, then make more treaties, maybe do some hand-holding and kumbayah, and pretend 9/11 never happened!!!

The truth is that American leaders are doing their best to ensure our rights to life in this country, by taking out those who would threaten it. And these Islamic extremists threaten us with justifications that are disputed at best. So we are supposed to treat these people like they have concrete objectives, that they actually ultimately seek what is best for all of us? I think that naive idea was destroyed the moment they piloted two planes into the World Trade Centers, or maybe when Saddam Hussein murdered his own people using chemical and biological agents.

I know many people who have been affected by this war, and I know their feelings. I know they would gladly fight for this cause, because they believe that human life is more important than the psychological well-being of any group of people. We must look beyond these feelings, and consider the reality. If we do, and then compare what we see to the moral standards lying in our hearts and our minds, I think we begin to see the reality that we must act to eliminate this threat.

And I would stand strong if called along with my American brothers and sisters who defend our land today. May God bless and be with them and all of us in this time, and help us to see through any facade or lie to the truth. For this will truly set us free.

C.S. Lewis

My latest reading is "Mere Christianity" by the great Clive Staples Lewis. A great man, and a great philosopher. He began as an atheist but then Christianity was answering too many questions for him to stand against it any more.

For anyone who claims atheism I would highly encourage them to read him. Anything, even if only the Narnia tales.

One salient point I want to leave you with today is the idea of temptation. Those who give in to temptation cannot know the difficulty in avoiding indulgence, because they have never done so themselves. So often people try to pressure us into doing something that goes against our morals, but we should not feel that we are below them in refusing, but instead that we have chosen the higher and more difficult road. In truth, only Jesus Christ knows the breadth of suffering that accompanies resisting our appetites for he was perfect in maintaining command over them. Therefore, let us not look down next time we are pressured into thinking we should compromise our morals, but look to Christ as our guide and be proud that we can follow his dignity in some small way.

May our God and Father help us to learn the truth of this more and more every day, as well as bless our Holy Father while he is in Turkey for the next few days.
Tim

Islam

I am writing a paper on what our moves should be in Iraq, and in researching the topic I happened upon this site. Enjoy the truth with a bit of humour!!!

http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/

Good luck to you all in all of your end of the semester exams, papers, and projects!!!
Tm

Friends

So it approaches 1 am, and ironically I left some friends a couple of hours ago with the reason that I needed to catch some sleep between that time and my flight which leaves at 6 am, as you can tell I am doing a very good job of following through with that. I just really wanted to express these thoughts...

A new friend is like a diamond in the rough. Yet the more time you spend with them, the more you start to realize their brilliance, their incredible value and beauty that lie beneath the surface of their rough appearance. Reflecting on all the different relationships in my life, God has blessed me with many and diverse friends, and with every single one it starts at this same point. Two people who don't know each other from Adam nor Eve, proceed to become invaluable companions in this game we call life. Without my friends I can honestly say that I would not be here to write this today, I would have lost my mind long ago. Every time I come up with a hair-brained idea, a friend is there to squash it, or sometimes to egg me on, often to our detriment!!! Oh well! In times of sorrow, true friends know just how to be, and in times of joy, their joy can often exceed our own. To use the diamond analogy once more though, the diamond only reflects a unique example of the beauty of the whole creation, in the same way that friendship reflects our relationship with the whole of mankind that flows ultimately from God. Friends truly show us the face of God in our lives, and I am grateful for every single one of you that has ever put up with me. And so I thank you from the very depths of my heart...sending a special saludo y abrazo to those here in New York who have helped sustain me, and for those who have tolerated conversing with me on the telephone. For those I have failed to remain in touch with, I pray that we get to chat soon. Though we cannot all be together at once, I want you all to know that I love you and pray for you as often as I can. God is good, let us show our gratefulness in our relationships with one another.

"No greater love is there than this, to lay down one's life for a friend."

God bless and keep you all.

Concision

Unfortunately we always have something to learn. People will always know more than we do. I hope this follows naturally, yet if you disagree with me I would like to hear your point of view. We may be Albert Einstein in one aspect of our lives, yet in another we are as meek and foolish as a young child. Even Einstein himself was said to struggle with basic tasks in his life. It is by way of our education, which may take any number of forms. I can honestly say that many of the most important things I have learned in life I learned outside of school. So, how can we drop the level down to relativism in education? The idea that everyone is right, that children should be allowed to do math however they like, no matter where it leads them, sure their self-confidence may jump through the roof for a short time, but later when someone with half a mind tells the child now grown how wrong they are. There is a level of truth by which all academic disciplines can and must be viewed. Otherwise what is the point of education? And how do we proclaim this truth? Why must we beat around the bush telling someone how far they are off the mark? Why do we as people take things so personally? Pride? That we cannot admit that we might possibly fall short of the objective best way of doing whatever task?

I make no claim on these points, the only point I want to make is that there is an objective truth, because if there were not, the world could not function. If 2+2 is 4 for me and 5 for you, how in the world are we ever going to move beyond making change? As to the title of this essay, I have been told many times that I use too many words to express myself and should work toward concision. Surely I could throw this out, yet how will my writing improve. The difference between my writing quality and that of Cervantes is huge, and if I ever hope to bridge that gap I must approach a level of writing that stands high on a level of objective writing quality, an underlying truth that makes the written word most salient. I now make the bold claim that this objective truth underlies our whole reality. Relatioships, religion, the nature of God, if there is not a truth at the bottom of all these, what do we have? Nothing. Then it is to us to take all that we find in this world and find the intersections that lead us to the truth that will ultimately set us free. Should we ever encounter relativism in any context, I would hope that we would question it. Especially when it is affecting the most impresionable of our society. Relativism is not the answer to our problems (I include political correctness in this realm), we should call white white and black black, and from there confront the conflicts that arise with courage and strength that God will ultimately grant us. Let us pray for the strength, for the world needs us.

Frustration

Would that I had been born not knowing the truth. Would that this desire and passion inside of me would lead me away from the belief that I am accountable and responsible for my actions. Life would be so much easier this way. Guilt would not overcome us when we take that drink that crosses the line, when we treat anyone in our lives unfairly whether it be a friend or a girlfriend. Why were we given this truth. Why was I given this truth. To walk the world and know that I have everything encapsulated in my belief in Christ. Sure I have looked elsewhere, have investigated other religions, but I can always find something in these that strays from the truth.

Some relationships become difficult, because my view is different. I cannot just steal, cannot just get drunk, cannot just sleep with someone, and renouncing these has in many ways given me true freedom. Yet I am on the verge of graduating and do not know where to go from here. I know that I have a lot to give, but in what way? Do I just sit by and let these things go on around me when I know they are not right. Should I just participate in these myself because of the instant gratification and on the off-chance that God might not be paying attention?

No. We are called as men and women of God to hold to His teachings, and this I will do. Still I look more and more for fulfillment in this journey, and I have not yet found it. I have a friend who is Agnostic who possesses more joy and altruism than I could ever hope to have. My closest friends here affirm the existence of God, but how much due to their belief and how much due to what their parents imposed upon them and the Church upon their parents? Where am I supposed to fit in the midst of all this? I seek to love my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and my neighbor as myself, or do I? It is so easy to hold ourselves in high regard and ignore reality, and as part of my journey I have learned that it is thus critical to focus on the environment outside and not on oneself. For it is in this that we experience one another, and through us God.

Even still, the truth can sometimes seem to good to be true. I think of Unamuno's San Manuel Bueno Martir who spent his whole priestly life ministering to the people of his small parish, strengthening their faith in God, while he himself did not. Many other saints suffered with doubt and despair. One even described a man's faith as a board he clings to in a sea of doubt. Sometimes I feel this will be quelled by beginning a career, but I know this will not be true. We can fill our lives with as many distractions as we place, but in the end our destiny, everything we have done will mean nothing unless we answer that remaining question.

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:27-9)

Solutions???

I just read an excerpt from a book on "Polarity Management", in quotes because every time it appeared in the text it was followed by the infamous "TM". The author claims that often, when addressing an issue, neither a purely team nor a purely individual approach works very well. Somebody will always be unhappy. So this trademarked idea got me to thinking, because those unhappy with the Iraq War have called for a more unified worldwide effort. And in an ideal world, this would be tremendous, we could truly undermine the threat of terrorist action. Yet the idea of approaching this issue from a more "team-like" point of view brings in a lot of bickering and debate that would not and did not carry on for as long with a smaller coalition. Though we may have gone about combatting this enemy in the wrong way, I do not disagree with our President's decision to take action on this point without the support of the rest of the world. At some point, as the book describes, we need to applaud and support those who take a stand.

So the next time we think about the war, whether we agree or disagree with how the problem in Iraq is being addressed, let us give thanks for a man who had the courage to go beyond deliberation and take action. We could use more men and women who do what they believe is right and then stand by it.

Vote and say a Prayer for the Pope

My friends, please do not lose hope and abandon our civic duty this upcoming November 7th, we are each of us called as part of this great nation to do our part in building the very structure that impacts our life and death. May God grant us all His wisdom in voting, in order that, regardless of party control, peace and justice may reign in this great country.

Also, my good friend Fr. Luke Sweeney forwarded this prayer originating from the Knights of Columbus, please take it into consideration and pray for our Holy Father as he makes his journey to Turkey from November 28th to December 1st...God bless you all!!!


Prayer Written by Supreme Chaplain Bishop William E. Lori:

Heavenly Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its
name, we humbly ask that you sustain, inspire, and protect your servant,
Pope Benedict XVI, as he goes on pilgrimage to Turkey - a land to which St.
Paul brought the Gospel of your Son; a land where once the Mother of your
Son, the Seat of Wisdom, dwelt; a land where faith in your Son's true
divinity was definitively professed. Bless our Holy Father, who comes as a
messenger of truth and love to all people of faith and good will dwelling
in this land so rich in history. In the power of the Holy Spirit, may this
visit of the Holy Father bring about deeper ties of understanding,
cooperation, and peace among Roman Catholics, the Orthodox, and those who
profess Islam. May the prayers and events of these historic days greatly
contribute both to greater accord among those who worship you, the living
and true God, and also to peace in our world so often torn apart by war and
sectarian violence.

We also ask, O Heavenly Father, that you watch over and protect Pope
Benedict and entrust him to the loving care of Mary, under the title of Our
Lady of Fatima, a title cherished both by Catholics and Muslims. Through
her prayers and maternal love, may Pope Benedict be kept safe from all harm
as he prays, bears witness to the Gospel, and invites all peoples to a
dialogue of faith, reason, and love. We make our prayer through Christ, our
Lord. Amen.

Copyright C Knights of Columbus 2003-06. All rights reserved.
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Political Correctness

Sometimes I think that all Rush Limbaugh's name-calling and downtalk of liberals is a little over the top, but then I meet someone who proves him right in every way. "Hey sweetie," she says, preying on my curiosity as to why a complete stranger would address me in such a way, then proceeds to shift her handshake to a hand hold, even beginning to caress it. Meanwhile, I'm thinking this girl is a hooker or is trying to sell me something. But me being the nice guy, or sucker, as these terms seem to become synonyms here in New York, I give her the opportunity to have her say.

It did not take long after hearing the name Greenpeace, a statement as to how terrible we are being to the world, and how incomplete the United States is compared to the rest of the world with their Greenpeace involvement, not to mention our discussion about "global warming", for me to realize that I would gain nothing from this conversation. And from the way the girl had approached me, I was not sure that I would want to pursue a friendship with her in any way.

So I expressed my disagreements, pointed out the fallacy in her reference to the idea that we went to war in search of more fossil fuels, and explained that based on our shared premise that we do not know how global warming began, there is no possible way we can stop it. After this she said, well it looks like we have a "conservative Christian" here with us. Now, is that not a form of stereotype? Would I not get in trouble for addressing her as a feminist, tree-hugging liberal? Ok well, maybe my label is a little stronger and more loaded, but my point is that the whole idea of political correctness is a sham. She can call me whatever she wants, but the minute that I label her, it is gender-stereotyping, or dare I say it? Profiling. An evil that must be avoided, except when it allows liberals to further their agenda. And this was the case with this reputable Greenpeace representative.

And so, I was solicited in a way that played on my sexual drive, fed some universally agreeable commonplaces about the environment, then given some faulty arguments to chew on (e.g. we went to war for oil; which she obviously knew to be untrue as she readily withdrew her claim after I pointed out its falsity), all in effort to bring me to conclude that I should join this organization. Yes I acknowledge these groups generate a lot of research that help our environment, but her comment that I must be a conservative Christian, removes any doubt that I am in the right camp.

Why would she say that? Because I responded intelligently to her scripted questions, intended to draw in those less likely to really know the issues? Because I know the truth behind global warming? Because I did not falter despite her somewhat sexual advance (she continued to massage my hand until I politely removed it from her grip)? Because I saw through her offered untruth? Because I stood up against something I disagree with?

Hmm, this then makes me an intelligent and informed, principled, truthful, and confident young white middle-class American man. So in a sense I can take her abandonment of my cause as a compliment. Yet how many people will be drawn in by her solicitation, and for what reasons?

Remain strong my brothers and sisters in truth, deception will come from all sides, but it is always to us to love those who would seek to deceive us, and reveal to them the untruths they speak. I do not say that this particular individual describes the methods or thought of all liberals, I think even Rush Limbaugh would admit that good comes from the liberal camp, but this experience exemplifies the group of "libs" out there who would do anything, no matter how unethical to get our support, and support means money so they can hold power. Yet what would they use it for? I simply offer the situation and ask the question. I pray that we would all choose prudently, to the best of our knowledge in the upcoming election.

May God bless and keep you all.

Chesterton is amazing...

Gilbert Keith Chesterton blessed our world with his wealth of knowledge, and along with his close friend C.S. Lewis brought incredible insight into living a Christian life. So this week I leave you with some of Chesterton's wisdom, taken from an anthology of his work:

“Self-consciousness of necessity destroys self-revelation. A man who thinks a great deal about himself will try to be many-sided, attempt a theatrical excellence at all points, will try to be an encyclopedia of culture, and his own real personality will be lost in that false universalism. Thinking about himself will lead to trying to be the universe; trying to be the universe will lead to ceasing to be anything. If, on the other hand, a man is sensible enough to think only about the universe; he will think about it in his own individual way. He will keep virgin the secret of God; he will see the grass as no other man can see it, and look at a sun that no man has ever known."

---G.K. Chesterton

"The" New York Times

I had to make this comment. Front page of the Metro section features a story on a rock. That's all.

Truth is a beautiful thing

I am in the midst of writing an essay about the war in Iraq. What is it about now? Some have asked me, others just like to say "Yeah Bush is taking us to hell in a handbasket" to put some of their views quite lightly. For me personally, there has to be a deeper truth in all this. I cannot believe that this war was a grandly composed scheme to claim oil rights, nor that we entered the war to finish the wars of our fathers, and in many cases people claim one particular father-son relationship to play a large part in the reason for this war. The media bombards us with carefully crafted words that fall so sweetly on our ears and eyes, and yet they never seem to present both sides of the story. Thus one thing I learned from this foray into the realm of politics and the powers that be, is that we must look at original documents. They are at our disposal, and yet isn't it so much easier just to flip on the television, or fill out a subscription to National Review? I do not denounce these as great ways to keep up on what's going on in the world, yet truly who decides where they put their focus, or shall I say what? For as it has been put so aptly, "Money makes the world go round". We cannot exempt the realm of news reporting from this reality.

On that note, for those of you thirsting for a new viewpoint, and in my opinion some material that hits at the truth of why we went to Iraq, check out the points of Michael Novak. He is a Catholic theologian who gave a public address in Vatican City on the invitation of the U.S. Ambassador to the Holy See (would be a sweet job by the way!!!) as to how a war with Iraq was obligatory for the powers that were based upon the just war theory of the Catholic Church.

Check it out at the following link: http://www.nationalreview.com/novak/novak021003.asp

Let the truth be heard!!!

And yes, maybe ironically so after what I just said, his address was reprinted in the National Review magazine. Oh well!!!! Maybe that's a commentary on the magazine as a whole, I do not know, my Dad gets it and I have read it on occasion and it is generally very conservative and consequently good for me. Still I learn daily to open me eyes, so I would appreciate any of your suggestions!!!

God bless,
Tim

A Day in New York...

I have been wanting to write this blog for a long time, well for about 48 hours now, and have finally made the time. I hope you enjoy...

So I describe this past Friday, October 13th, yes Friday the Thirteenth, yet strangely, or maybe as evidence standing against the supposed bad luck we all inherit on this particular match of day and date, it was a tremendous day. I note here that I turned one year old on Friday the Thirteenth of December 1985.

I woke up, left the apartment at about 10am in search of a haircut. Across from the train stop, I found my place. For $10 I got a cut and a great conversation flying from Dominican Spanish with Maria, to Spanish and Hindi from the other employees of the small shop that sees both the morning light and the streets of night. A tip later I flew on the F train to St. Vincent Ferrer, an affluent Catholic parish run by Dominican brothers who never cease to challenge me with their homilies. The day before, I will never forget, a brother priest spoke of the will of God in our lives. He always answers our prayers, it is in the times that we do not get what we want that we question this, but truly God knows better in those situations and so has chosen to give us something we did not ask for and that we often recognize only later.

Jumping off from this, I met with Fr. Carleton Jones after Friday's mass to decide whether I would ask him to be my spiritual director, and at this point I have no doubts that I will continue. Rarely have I heard truth so clearly delineated, and had so many of my insecurities and uncertainties in regard to the discerment of my vocation explained so well. One point we discussed was the idea of holy determinism. The idea that God already has a plan for our lives, and that we have to determine what he would want with each choice we make, and there consequently being the possibility for choosing incorrectly. For me, I had always wondered as to the truth of this reality, because for me, no matter which vocation I would choose, God will bring the most out of that. I could go either way, though God may ultimately know what I will choose, since he exists outside of time, that has no bearing on the reality of the free will I possess to choose either and have His blessing therein.

A little philosophical, but a point I wanted to make, and see how you reacted.

From there I dashed up to my school, Hunter College, only about three blocks up, dropped my stuff, caught up with some volleyball buddies who were hanging out around the locker room. Jumped on the train directly from the basement of the school, went down to the Board of Elections turned in my form to vote in New York on the 7th, then ran from Battery Park all the way along the Hudson on the west coast of Manhattan to 42nd St. then took the train back to Hunter. A great run in a great city on a beautiful day. And possibly one of the few times that I will get to look out upon the Statue of Liberty as I stretch, and salute the Empire State and Chrysler Buildings as I whiz past. It is all almost surreal at times, but the truth is that it all exists, and in the end it is just another manifestation man has made upon God's beautiful creation.

So I showered up at school, then happened to see one of my volleyball buddies still hangin around outside the locker room, and much more dressed up than is usual. Turns out that he was to sell concessions to persons coming to see the "Roller Derby" which was to take place in the gym of our school. Random? I think so!!! I would have hung around, but the tickets were more than I wanted to pay to see a bunch of not so friendly looking women beat up on each other. Oh well, maybe other opportunities will yet arise. From there it was off to see yet another of my free movies in a church, this one particularly in that of the "Holy Innocents", pastored by Monsignor Donald Sakano who helped me tremendously in figuring out how to enter the New York living scene. Unfortunately he was not present, but the movie was good, "Love Comes Softly", on a completely different level than the tasteless Broadway show I saw with my family a week ago.

I was tempted afterward, but the fact that I was one of only two people under 50 led me to leave before the discussion session began. As it turns out, the other girl who appeared my age had left early too. I went maybe a few blocks down in search of the Museum of Modern Art or MOMA, asked a man in a souvenir store if he knew of its location, but the fact that he had been here in the city for even less time than I meant that he was no help in finding the place. But I gave him my email address, and he promised to contact me soon. He speaks primarily Hindi, and has studied various other languages, and we were able to share about our linguistic interests. Following the encounter I went to turn a corner, and there was the girl from the church movie. She was on the phone, so trying to look not too creepy I waited for her to finish and then introduced myself. Found out her name is Nadia, and in excellent English she described how she was born in the Ukraine and speaks Russian and Ukrainian in addition to our mode of communication. I just sat and marveled at the reality of meeting two people from two very different parts of the world, while I come from a place that does not even compare. These occurrences seem to happen every day by the way, but this was definitely one of the more pointed experiences I have had.

After her friend picked her up and she was safely on her way, I took off. I found it funny too, that she was shivering as we sat chatting on the street corner. I'll have to look up where the Ukraine is exactly, but I imagine that early fall weather does not compete with the cold of that part of the world!!! I read the paper and had a nice "Boylan" creme soda in a little cafe that closed shortly after I arrived, so I moved on to bigger and better things. Wendy's makes the best burgers, even here in NYC! I sat there afterward while a grumpy employee swept the floor and occasionally my feet, and people from various walks of life came to keep me company, one particular woman even asking me a question!!! I say that in jest, I have found it incredible both that people can be so cold and that they are willing to help so much as well. For example, the grumpy worker would not tell me how to get to Madison Square Garden, but another man I met in searching for apartments got me hooked up with the job from which I write this blog right now, and recently told me that he has connections with further possible employment when I would finish here!!!

Yes, I visited the Garden next, found out there is a 9 train that is not noted on the subway map, mainly because it runs on the exact same route as the 1 train. I learned from my roommate this morning that there was also once an 8 train, but it got cut off. Dad, these facts are for you, and all you other train and mass transportation enthusiasts. Karen?

I also had to see where I had come in on the first day so I ran through Penn Station, and found the place where I undertipped the red cap who helped me carry my five boxes of junk, then caught my first taxi with a man that had come straight from Africa.

Of course I then called my friend Raquel, and after a little scenic tour of Little Italy found the hole-in-the-wall she and some of her friends had discovered and enjoyed some of the house red wine. Yes it was the cheapest on the list, but it was very good, and hey I forgot to pay anyway!!! That is true, but I plan to go back in the near future to try some other varieties and overpay for whatever I would have.

After assuring that Raquel, who by the way is a friend that came from Spain, but was born and grew up in Venezuela, had made it home ok, I decided to have a meeting with my pillow. This figure of speech is literally translated from something commonly said in Spanish. I am learning so much from my roommate, friends, and my translation class, and last night received an awesome complement. It came from my Argentinian taxi driver, who commented that I was one of only two U.S. people he had heard speak Spanish without an accent. That I sounded almost exactly like a Latino!!! I have sought to accomplish this for a while, and so I of course got really excited!!!

For all this I have some thanks to give, first to Edward who first encouraged me to check out the National Student Exchange Program, and for all of you who continue to be a forces in my life, even though we are so far away from one another. Yet most of all to God, who has made this all possible and continues to bring good into my life on a daily basis here. To Him be all the glory and praise. To Him I offer all this up in Thanksgiving!!! God bless and keep you all, and thanks for bearing with me through this long entry.

TM

Learning

Every day is a learning experience, some days it makes me sick, some days I cannot think about how today counts, as much as I may or may not want it to. That this is a day that I am living and will never be able to live again, never be able to get back, so live it to the fullest. Yet, this often leads me to a fatalistic mentality, that I must try and do everything at once, but only if I let the mentality overcome my better reason. In my heart I know this is all cursory, all a preview to the life to come.

Last night, kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament, with my family around me, anticipating the beginning of Catholic Underground here in New York I felt so loved, so important, and yet so insignificant. Look at all the people God has moved to His heart, I thought as I looked from person to person adoring our God and father on the altar, yet how incredible would it be if I could help bring this number of people to Christ. From those who do not yet know Him. Do we possess the strength to do such things? I believe so, and I also believe that we cannot think too much about the end, and gravity of our lives when we do it, that is the best way to scare others away. Yet our evangelization must be both active and genuine, and then, only then will others feel drawn to what we have. Still, I often find myself falling back to a "normal" state after I have these experiences of God, but what should be our norm state. What should we fall back to if everything else goes away? What did Job fall back to? "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord!" Would we be able to say this if we lost everything? What is everything? What should everything be?

How often do we hold on to things that really do not matter? Do we put God at the center of our beings? My mom always likes to say that our faith is like our health, if we exercise occasionally, eat well every once in a while, we will not stay in shape. Similarly, if we pray and attend mass occasionally, God easily loses importance in our lives and our faith weakens. This has happened to us all. I just wish there were others out there who would challenge us to come back to our faith. Too often we heed the enticing beckoning of the prince of this world, still when we sit down and think about it, the truth sets us free, and we live lives full of purpose and happiness. And more than anything else, we know we are loved, and do not all of us seek that?

Every Day is a Battle...and a Blessing

It seems like every morning I get up, I immediately think about what I am going to do for the day, and then nothing ends up as I plan it. Yet at the most important part of the day, I am thinking about everything I will do, the tasks I will accomplish, and social events and fun I will plan. Still, life is a fluid journey, events may end up as I plan them, or they may completely fail, but then if they do not go as I plan are they really failures? Some environments have awoken me to this reality more readily than others, but none more than life here in NYC!

I cite the example that as of Monday of this week, I had no idea what I was going to do outside of Theology on Tap Monday night, classes Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and volunteering at the friary and volleyball Wednesday. Monday, I got up, went to mass at noon, then felt compelled to attend confession that night at 5:30. So I went to my classes that lasted until 4 then went to the church. I happened to recognize the voice of my confessor as a priest with whom I had thought to seek spiritual direction, and so he encouraged me to call later to work something out. Unexpected. I went to Theology on Tap that same night, happened to say hello to a girl for whom it was also the first time. After an incredible discussion led by Father Joseph Koterski on the doctrine of papal infallibility, Molly showed me the Archdiocese of New York office where she worked and encouraged me to get in touch with a friend of hers who works there in order to pursue a job translating into Spanish. Unexpected yet again. After that too, I dropped off a book to my friend Rachel and had a very interesting and life-giving conversation that I don't think either one of us had the energy for, but someone did. Wednesday I went to cook at the Capuchin friary, and got to prepare the pork on my own, I know I'm a freak, but it was a great surprise to be able to have free range over all the cooking equipment and food they have there. Then came those who helped me, or shall I say I helped them cook, and they helped me spiritually. Two women very much involved in their faith, Demaris and Cristina, who after we finished cooking invited me to a holy hour in which I got to attend confession and met a wonderful man by the name of Brother Juniper who inspired me to pray. I had only hoped to cook...but I received so much more. Volleyball too, that day went really well, because someone helped me calm down and realize that it is all for fun. I was so uptight that morning.

Friday...God is so good, I couldn't have expected this in a million years, but my friend Mike recently got promoted to Grand Knight of his council of Columbus at Marquette and so came along with Brett to New Haven CT for this weekend. Last night I went up by train and got to hang out with two of my closest friends at a time when I'm getting sick, maybe a little home and a little literally, to give me the strength to carry on.

God knows exactly what we need, and He gives it to us in abundance, it is just often that we fail to look for it, and thus our days become dull and pointless. Should we begin our days by offering our thanksgiving to Him, and then realizing the gifts he showers upon us throughout the day we should live more full and satisfying lives. Even in the battles, we can see Him shining through to forgive us as the father forgave the prodigal son. We are all His prodigal sons, let us remember to go home.

Unfortunate Realities...

These are things that we often do not want to have to accept, that make life more difficult even when you know you are living your life to the best of your ability and in the holiest way possible, and what is more sad is that it can occur when you are down on your luck and out of touch with your source of strength. People can always take advantage of you, and while we are on this earth, as we are a fallen race, it will happen again and again. Thus how do we deal with this? Respond to the Bible verse that calls us if asked to give our outer garment to then offer our undergarment as well? Is this truly what God desires of us in all situations? I question this for two very strong reasons that have entered my life reality lately, two distinct events that illustrate our need to be prudent in the way that we follow this call of our Lord.

Take first the attack against the World Trade Centers, the attack against the United States, the attack against freedom. These men took advantage of the freedom that is available to us here in this country to take the lives of close to 3,000 people, and shatter the feel of safety that we once had. Never again will we view Afghanistan in the same way, though it was only a small faction of its inhabitants that perpetrated the massacre, never again will we look at the site of the World Trade Centers because it both reminds us of an incredible loss of life, and inspires us to fight for the value of freedom that we here hold so dearly.

Then look at a situation where a friend offers a place to stay for someone who needs it, and this someone has the presence of mind and the means to offer some form of thanks in return yet never does.

Should the friend be allowed to stay?

Should we have let the terrorist attack slide? Because according to the mass media, it all could have been an illusion anyway. No one really saw the plane hit the Pentagon anyway, there is no footage of it occurring. And what does it mean to see anyway, can we really trust our senses? We cannot have any sort of opinion that God forbid might offend someone, or even worse bring us to conflict with another!

I raise this succession of dialogue somewhat in jest of the media, but mainly for the truth that we cannot always turn the other cheek. As the president said in his speech last night and as I firmly believe, these terrorists will stop at nothing to destroy us. If we were to up and walk away from Iraq, these men would not just go home, they will follow us, as says our commander in chief. We have to draw the line at some point. Some things can be forgiven and life can go on, but in this case it would have been morally wrong not to seek justice for those who committed such a heinous act.

In a similar way we cannot be expected to give and give and give without receiving something in return. Just as the terrorists abused their right to freedom in this country, so does the visitor abuse his privilege of staying by not contributing in some way. Both must be dealt with prudently, mercy plays a part, but if someone does not step up and take the action that needs taken, then those who seek to abuse the freedom we have in this country, and the generosity of others will continue to take and take and take until nothing remains to be taken. Should we always offer our undergarment too? Depending on the situation we must decide each time, always remaining aware that there are those who will take advantage of us if we let them. It is only in fighting back that we help the perpetrators understand how their actions have affected us, and this will lead them to an understanding of the respect that we must all have for one another.

Challenge

Life seems to go this way, that just when we think we are comfortable with where we are at, God throws us a curve that we never saw coming, He calls us out of ourselves from the depths of situations or discussions or relationships in which we may have never realized His presence...but He is there. My mom always enjoyed the song "From a Distance" whose lyrics say that God is watching us...from a distance, but she would always say that this cannot be true, because God lives inside of us, God sends His angels to surround, protect, and guide us. All these things I knew, and know, but they still have not clicked for me in my own personal faith life. I have sought them as I would something that I do not understand, but know that I have to know, and so give a half-hearted effort to working my mind around the concepts. But that is all they have ever been, concepts, this is real, this is the life of faith that we live. Angels do surround us, God truly is here, if we do not come to understand that in a more profound way, how can we expect ourselves to be able to bring others to believe? I tell you that I have not fully believed, nor do I fully yet, but by the grace of God I have realized my ignorance and now seek Him with my whole heart. Please, any of your comments on how to seek this life are welcome. Spiritual direction and prayer are two that I can offer, one I have not yet engaged in, and I have not devoted enough time and energy to the other. I hope this can be a forum in which we all share different ways to seek to live a life for Him. Because that is all that really matters.

Our lives are blessed...

Not but two days ago, I had one of the most incredible days of my life...I do not even know where to begin, but will choose the obvious fact that I did not have an apartment. So in the morning I called a man named John whom I had previously spoken with, and whose place I had visited, but he did not answer his phone. So I proceeded to cook omelets for my friend Ed, who was staying with me in my subleased apartment (only for ten days mind you) and they turned out excellent. Possibly the best I had ever made! After that I came to school and called a woman whose name I had gotten from a man named Flavio, who had turned me down for the offer on his apartment, but still recommended that I speak with this woman Stephanie about a job. I called her, and she set me up with an appointment for later on in the day. I went to mass with Ed then, at a beautiful Dominican church not two blocks from Hunter College where we were, and will take classes. Directly after mass he and I parted ways, I sat down to eat lunch, and then called John. I asked if the apartment was still available, he said yes, I asked if I could move in that night and he agreed to pick me up! After that I spoke with a homeless man, who has now become a friend of sorts, also named John and whom I hope to lunch with every day after mass. His story I will leave for another day...

Chase Bank just recently opened in Rockford and so I proceeded there and, aided by a woman of an incredible mix of efficiency and friendliness, I set up an account. Directly afterward I figured out the 7 train to get down to the Princeton Alumni Club to meet with Stephanie. Walking into the place, I look one way and see the Chrysler Building towering over the landscape, and to the other I see the beginning of that dazzling place they call Times Square. Unbelievable I know, but I truly tell you anything is possible in New York; let me rephrase that: anything can be found in New York, because truly anything is possible no matter where you are. A year ago, sitting in my peer minister apartment in Ames, Iowa, I never could have dreamed I would be where I find myself now. LIVE IT UP!!! While we have the chance and opportunity, for to those whom much has been given, much is expected.

New York...after 3 days...

I'm on a roll today, so I figured I would just keep right on rolling and start a blog about some of my experiences here in the Big Apple. First of all, I think they call it that because there are a lot of apple farms in upstate New York, and I imagine they ship them out of the city, or distribute them here within. Thus a presence of a lot of apples, and hence the name. On another note, I find it incredible, as with this first example, that everything I have ever heard about in the news or through "popular" culture now has a very tangible manifestation! For example, Broadway Ave, Park Place, the Empire State Building (for which the line this morning was over an hour wait), Times Square, Wall Street, Harlem, the Bronx, Queens, Spanish Harlem, the Statue of Liberty and the WTC memorial, both of which I plan to see before school starts next Wednesday!!! It is incredible how obsessed our culture is with New York and all that it is. We see it everywhere, on shirts, in the news, people throw around terms like Broadway in conversations never having seen the street or experienced a play there!!! Believe you me, I have not internalized everything and am now trying to talk down on people who have done that, I have done it myself, thus even further reiterating the point that in many ways our culture idolizes this place.

Why? Well my hypothesis is that it is one of the largest, and at the same time most efficient cities in the world. Everyone has a job here, and all the people together make it work. In some ways it is a beautiful thing, yet in others it is difficult to look at a lot of the billboards and advertisements that promote low moral values, and give insight into the drive that makes many people here run around like they do. Money. That seems to be the answer to everything to many here. I spoke with a man yesterday, originally from the Bronx, but having family in Puerto Rico. Many times his family has invited him to come back down and see them, but his answer has been, I can't, I have bills to pay, I can't take off work for that long and make the expense to come down. Interesting I daresay, that now life is no longer about seeing the family and spending time with them, but instead about paying the bills to be able to stay in a place where the bills are never-ending and far from cheap. To give you an idea, although tuition here is cheaper than at Iowa State, my rent will be $650/month, and I am still almost 45 minutes away from the center of the city!!! No wonder people have to work so much to stay here, but why do they stay here? The convenience, the diversity, the ability to buy anything from anywhere in the world? But what are any of these worth in the end?

Don't get me wrong, I love it here and for all of those reasons too. But at the end of the day, I will walk away, having had the experience, enjoyed it, but knowing that true happiness lies outside the rat race. Because as a wise man once said, "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat..."

Tim

New York

Hey y'all, I'm in New York flippin' city as of today at 6pm Eastern Standard Time. How does it feel? Well not all that different from anywhere else I have been although everyone here is very friendly, but short. I have already met plenty of people in my apartment, but I get the sense that everybody has somewhere else to be and I make their day a little more stressful because I would like to talk for more than three seconds. But such is life here I suppose. Tomorrow I look forward to meeting with a friend for an apartment in the Bronx, way north of where I am sitting right now in Astoria, which is a part of Queens. This apartment has great location, the neighborhood full of people from all over the place though if I had to pick a dominant nationality at this point I would say Greek. I really would have looked to have been able to make it to mass tonight, but that was not in God's plan I suppose as Amtrak ran three hours late getting into Penn Station, downtown New York City.

A few opinions, the Empire State Building does not look as majestic in real life from what I could tell, people like healthy tips, there are restaurants everywhere, including anything from Latin American to Greek to soul food to corner markets where they will make you a sandwich for a buck. Right down from my apartment there is a supermarket owned by an Asian family of whom I met David the cashier who works only on Sundays, and there are two laundromats. Tomorrow I explore the possibilities of the New York subway, there are two stops within five minutes walking distance of where I am staying. Oh and cockroaches really aren't that bad, especially when they are particularly small and stay away from your food. And the tenants who preceded me whom I met today are a nice family, but they really are quite forgiving when it comes to the landlord. But as a woman who lives in the same place told me, those who find apartments in Astoria generally stay where they are!!! We'll see about that.

The biggest struggle I could see having here would be the boredom, and/or loneliness. Yeah I know that sounds ironic, but every single door in the apartment is closed and I can hear TV's blaring behind the sadly-painted wood. Some people actually do wander aimlessly as I have discovered so I suppose I will have to get to know more people like that. Such a see and be seen city, I do not know if I can take it, but I do plan to go for a run tomorrow to get to know the city better as well as attend mass in the local area, at a place called either St. Francis of Assisi or Our Lady of Mt. Carmel of which there are at least 20 of the same name here!!!

Forgive me for going skindeep, but for the moment I am left quite in awe of actually being here and the realities of living will be to come. Please keep me in your prayers that I might find a more permanent living situation, especially with a Catholic host family or something similar. I have some contacts, but anyone you know who might know of something could always be helpful as well. Know that you are all in my prayers, for it is ultimately He who cares for us all!!!

Tim

Nueva York

Mañana salgo para ir a la Ciudad, la Manzana Grande; casi no puedo creer que es verdad, que es realidad. Nunca he vivido en una ciudad q tenia mas que 2 millones de personas y aun en este caso solo estaba alla en Arequipa con todos ustedes que son los unicos que pueden leer este email!!! Bueno, me parece un poco diferente de lo que he visto antes y que va a exigirme mucho. Pero ya he encontrado una iglesia catolica cerca de donde vivire algunos dias antes de que encuentre algo mas permanente. Ahora vivo en Queens, en la parte de ella que se llama Astoria entonces se puede buscar en una mapa de Google o lo que sea si te interese. Estoy ambo emocionado y nervioso pero veremos lo que pase. Voy a pasar de Chicago a Nueva York en un tren que es la moda de transportacion que a mi me encanta y ya tengo un nuevo celular con que pueda mantener contacto con todos los que son los mas importantes en mi vida. Pero tambien tendre una linea fijada para que ustedes tambien me pueden contactar si necesitan. Gracias a todos para sus emails tan lindos, nos me ha gustado bastante y lastimo que no he sido buen muchacho en contestarse pero se prometo que cambie cuando ya tengo internet mas acesible. Bien, se extraño mucho, y se contare cuando he fijado mis planes para regresar a mi segundo hogar con ustedes en Arequipa!!! Vayan siempre con Dios amigos y hermanos!

Tim

Gracias a todos

Esas son las únicas palabras que puedo compartir con todos ustedes que me han mostrado tanta amistad y ayuda en los días que he disfrutado más que pueden entender en Arequipa y Perú en general. Hemos pasado algunos días en Cusco, mirando Machu Picchu, Saqsaywaman y todos los otros sitios dichos famosos, pero no ha podido parar pensando en el tiempo que gasté con ustedes. Estos lugares no tienen nada que ver con Arequipa y he extrañado a todo que he dejado en mi segundo hogar. A jugar voley, a estudiar, a compartir sobre mi vida de fe, a experimentar el amor como nunca había visto antes; las experiencias que he tenido van a quedar conmigo hasta el fin.

Quiero avisar a todos ustedes también que ya estamos planeando para el regreso, espero que pase el verano que viene aunque tenemos que ver cómo serán nuestros fondos y posibilidades de trabajo. Por favor avísame si sabes algunas oportunidades para un gringo o una gringa (mi amiga Connie va a venir también). Estamos buscando algo relacionado con la enseñanza o ser guía de tours o lo que sea. Ella sabe mucho sobre las plantas y pueda trabajar con esa, yo me encanta las lenguas y probablemente vaya a tener bastante experiencia con ambos inglés y español para ser traductor de alguna manera. Cualquier posibilidad nos pueda ayudar.

En el tiempo que tendremos, yo prometo a todos ustedes que voy a seguir escribiendo en este sitio en ambos inglés y español para que todos puedan leer y también practicar su inglés.

Ahora estamos todavía en Cusco pero mañana volamos a Lima, y después a Chicago donde espero que llegue al mediodía el sábado. Por favor, ora por mi para que el vuelo pase bien. Cuídense mucho amigos!!!

Tim

Cañon de Colca y Atracciones

This entry has had a long time in coming so I may have lost some thoughts along the way, but here is the clearest view I can give you of the past week or so here in Arequipa. Colca Canyon is quite possibly the most peaceful place I have ever been, such majesty in such profound silence that permeates even the soul if you stop long enough to let it. Sure we had our hike, our guide Carlos who by the way is an incredible individual and has inspired me to become a guide in the future, our group, sightseeing, casualties - poor Emily who had to saw her cast off to be able to come...but none of it is satisfying. I am learning that what I love is truly the country and the people and not the tourism or the fact that I am away from home. I was away in Ames, but never felt such peace in my soul. While sitting on a roca of some size and contemplating life in general, analizing and breaking down my possibilities, I spotted a condor soaring far below me in the canyon and I felt a pang of jealousy at his ability to survive and thrive so easily with skills he has been given and is sure about. For us, it is all such a waiting and guessing game sometimes, frustrating.

Yet I have no doubt that God is with us throughout this journey. Though the Catholic Church down here is tainted by the haunting memories of colonial abuses, I have been able to find much comfort there. The Iglesia de los Capuchinos has a beautiful adoration chapel and mass every day at 6:30am, I could not ask for more. My life here is formed around things that are important to me. There is a group of kids that plays ¨vóley¨everyday, and with my height I am quite a force on the court as well. All these have helped me to draw closer to my own self-realization, and as it draws nearer I recognize more and more that my development will never cease, but as I become more comfortable in my own skin and with where my life is leading I can reach out to others so much more. And I understand now that this is what I truly love. I have helped so many down here through their struggles, and have even had a fruitful conversation with a former Catholic friend of mine. I thank God that we have it the way we do, with a small community of American students within which we can support and learn from one another, all the while experiencing a brand new culture which sits better with some more than others.

Sure I could tell you all about the things I have seen, the condors flying merely 2m above us, the beautiful city of Cabanaconde where there did not seem to be a care in the world beyond being able to provide enough to live, yet these would not well describe the more important development happening within all of us here. For that I say what I do. Poverty, it is relative. From my point of view there is more poverty in the US, maybe not so much materially, but rarely have I seen such a joyful community of people at home as I see everyday here in Alto Cayma where not so long ago, food and water were daily concerns. My friend Michelle made the comment that Maslow´s hierarchy of needs does not account for the fact that the people here, of whom many still seek the lowest needs of the hierarchy are happier than people in the US who have reached a point from which they should be reaching self-actualization. Yet who has actualized more? We are so fortunate where we live. But when we reach that highest point, we seem to create more problems, as if we need them. Yes, we are human and problems will arise no matter what, but where should we go from that highest point? This is the question that has plagued me for so long, and I am living it now daily. Learning how to answer it.

It is interesting however how all of this plays along with interpersonal relationships. How is it that we can look at things logically and understand that the situation could never work out, and yet we cling to it as to something to which we feel entitled. Almost alwas these attractions between us call on us to change our lives, make sacrifices, learn, and most definitely live out the true meaning of love. Yet why, when we can seem to have everything else figured out, do these situations hit us and leave us unsure of everything we have determined. Maybe I am too much of a romantic, all I know is that there are few feelings, few accomplishments in life that compare with the cultivation and living out of a solid and loving relationship between two persons who trust and share with one another. We are drawn to this, seemingly more powerfully than anything else that can compel our lives. Maybe this is why so many charge in blind and end up hurt and alone in the end. What a sacrifice to become a priest, and yet what peace.

New sights, new place, different values, new hopes and dreams, but we are called wherever we go. What will be my answer, I do not yet know. What will be yours?

Amigos

Today we ventured into the city within a city called El Convento de Santa Catalina. It didn´t take long to determine that St. Catalina is equivalent to St. Catherine of Siena, the convent covers approximately 2 hectares (1 hectar approx = 2.5 acres) right within the city of Arequipa. A beautiful place with all the streets named for Spanish cities, complete with a mirador (lookout) from which we could see the whole city, a comedor (cafeteria), and various celdas where the nuns used to spend their time. Today there is a community of approximately 25 nuns, whereas at its height 400 people lived within, leaving very infrequently. Over the past week, we began our work at Alto Cayma, shoveling cement for a techamiento or roofing of a medical clinic, Father Alex runs it with an incredible knowledge of so many different things. He is financier, engineer, spiritual father, director, as well as a priest. Inspiring... From Malta, where there is an incredible mix of cultures and hence a language all its own, a place I hope to visit someday. I have found a way to escape the endless lines of taxis who charge a significant amount of money to ride either alone or with people you know, to instead have the adventure of traveling in a makeshift bus, seemingly a family van put to the use of transporting as many people as will fit. It is a beautiful thing, I have met women of strong opinions against the US, schoolchildren of no more than 12 years, as well as young, aspiring musicians.

Last night, I met some older Peruanos who are also musicians. One of them reminds me of Nathan Fischer in that he has taken trips across Peru with just his guitar and the clothes on his back to share the music that flows straight from his soul. The people feed him and he sleeps wherever he finds a comfortable piece of ground. Yet again, another inspiration for living life to the fullest. What need have we singles of careers, as long as we pay the bills, we have the freedom to live our lives to the fullest. Life here is beautiful in that way. There was a beautiful contrast last night between the gringos and everyone else in the bar, I had to laugh!!! A quick note too, aparently my beard makes me look older as an older gentleman stopped me to introduce me to his friend. They seemed like a nice group of folks so I sat down and for the next few minutes had an audience, whose attention only faltered when I revealed my age!!! In no way did that end the conversation however, a great group of folks that I could definitely have spent more time with if I could have heard myself think.

Today we watch the mundial in the afternoon, Argentina plays Costa de Marfil (Ivory Coast) with my family here. Afterward with any luck we´ll go and get some more typical Peruvian clothes so I don´t stick out so much. Then a concert where I hope to be one of the only americans where my friends from last night will play. Music is so beautiful, and I must say I appreciate it so much more after having come here. The guitar guy whose name is Aldo has even offered to give me lessons as he plays almost any instrument I can think of. Including of course several traditional ones!!! I can´t wait to give you more updates. In the meantime, I miss you all, but know that I am having the time of my life. After this, I don´t know what I will do, but I can´t wait to find out!!! God bless you all!

Ok, so I have to ask the question, why do so many of us spend our lives seeking a person that will somehow fill all our needs, love us without fail, and will be perfect in every way that we can marry them and then spend the rest of our lives in endless bliss? That person does not exist, what each of us ultimately desires in the very depths of our souls is God. He is the only one that can fill that need within us, and yet even for those of us who are not involved in a relationship, we often speak of the future person we will find. It is necessary to move beyond this, and for those of you that have, I give you my unending praise. The road of life is difficult, and truly it is easier to endure with a husband or wife by our side, yet I think it is fruitless to actively seek this. The best relationship I have ever been involved in, and some of the best friendships I have, sprung from unexpected moments. There is only need for us to seek the Lord every day in whatever we do, and even though His work may be more easily recognized in some endeavors rather than others, we must persevere, not looking to gain anything for ourselves, but instead to bring further glory to our Creator. We should not squelch our dreams, or change our plans on another person´s account unless we see Christ without fail in what the person does everyday. We do fail, but I believe the most successful relationships spring from those who fight similar fights with sin, and thus can not only share in the moments of happiness, but also in those of difficulty. For truly, as my linear algebra teacher told me once, that which challenges us brings us ever more closely together. What would the world be like if everyone recognized the challenge as the seeking of Christ?

So much to say!!!

I am at an impasse to whether to describe to you what has happened inside of me these past couple of weeks, since I have not had the time to give you an earnest insight into that, or to describe the physical happenings that have been incredible. I suppose the solution is to give a little of both!!! So today I saw a plane flying over Arequipa, and it occurred to me that I have not seen too many of those, and thus that people do not travel all that much from here as compared to the number of planes we view departing from Chicago, Des Moines, and Atlanta where I was lucky enough to spend some time and of which there is one photo posted on my Yahoo account. It is quite poor here, with about 20% of the people having the wealth, and the rest living in near poverty. Thus our service, which starts tomorrow. Most of us will work in Alto Cayma, a place that began as a ¨tent community¨if I can use that terminology. Essentially a whole group of poorer people got together to pool what little money they had to form a self subsisting community consisting of agriculture, clothes production, and the construction of shelters. A Catholic priest by the name of Fr. Alex has since then taken the community under his wing and raising money in the US has successfully provided jobs for many of the people who live there through building a community Church complete with guest rooms for international volunteers, one of which is from Oregon, while others have come from North Carolina. I will likely work in construction of one of the various buildings in progress. One of these is a medical center, another a kitchen that provides for nearly 400 people daily. Two meals a day!!! It all somewhat intimidates me, but on another level this is what I have lived for. To help build community, and I cannot describe to you the satisfaction at having accomplished something as tangible as a tile floor, and I expect as a complete building!!! I know some of you are laughing, but it is true!

What transpired over the weekend. Well for one Alán García won the national elections over the nationalist Ollanta Humala. It was a sad day for Perú though as both candidates have multiple character and political flaws, every single Peruvian I spoke with described how they had to choose between two bad candidates. Everyone has to return to their city of origin to vote, and voting is obligatory. If you do not, you cannot cash checks or complete various other transactions, so everyone goes to receive the purple stain on their middle finger from the required fingerprinting that takes place. With so many travelers, we decided to hang around Arequipa, observing all the action surrounding the elections, and taking a tour on Saturday morning through the campiña or countryside surrounding the city. I tried to put up my pics, however not all of them would fit. I´ll find a way and update you later. A broad overview: horseriding was by far the most fun which we did at a Peruvian vacation spot called Molino de Sabandía, then we moved on to view the andenes or steppes of the farming Incan and pre-Incan tribes. Beautiful countryside, all of which we later viewed from the Mirador de Yanahuara, a tower very similar to the one situated over the Illinois and Iowa countryside at Elizabeth, IL. Our guide by the name of Ildora was wonderful, and for only $20USD a person, we had quite possibly the best tour of the trip thus far!!! In the future we hope to travel to Puno which lies on the banks of Lake Titicaca, the highest lake in the world as well as in the top three for both depth and surface area!!! Also, we hope to get to Arica, Chile just across the border from Tacna, Chile, photos of all of which will be soon to come!! Take care you all wherever you would be, let me know what you´re all up to!!!

All my best from Latinoamérica,
Tim

Too Many Journals

So I just realized that I am trying to keep up with three different journals, slightly challenging I know and thus info is getting put down, but some lost along the way as I cannot remember what I put where. I´m working on getting adjusted though, and I believe that in about two weeks I will be as adjusted as I am going to be. My stomach is taking the longest, and since health affects everything else it has taken some time to get accustomed to everything. But it will come in time and in no way has it stopped any one of us from making the most of our experience. Tomorrow we explore the Arequipan countryside as the elections take place here in Perú. It should be an interesting day. Over the past week we have gotten used to our classes, one on the culture and history of Peru and the other on local archaeology. On that point, Juanita was found right here near the city in one of the volcanoes. She was a sacrifice meant to appease the gods of the hills and mountains which were called Apus. She is one of the oldest, most well-preserved humans ever to be found in such good condition. We will probably see her in one of the museums this week. After the elections tomorrow. We will practice one of the greatest traditions here in Peru, la descansa or rest. I must say too, the Cathedrals and churches here are some of the most beautiful I have ever seen, and make me jealous that I could not have been a peer minister in one of them!!! More to come soon! I hope all is well with yall, I´ll continue praying for you and hope that you are enjoying Latin America as much as I through what I say!!!

God bless and keep!
Tim

Saludos

Thanks y'all for all your thoughts and kind words, they have been very helpful in my quest to get acclimated to the culture here. I want to give you a very broad view of what it is like here in Arequipa. The first thing you have to understand is that everything revolves around the family and friends. Jobs are obtained only to make the money necessary to subsist, then the rest of the time is spent ¨relajando¨or relaxing, sitting and talking about the past day. Even the eating schedule is set up as such. My abuelita here prepares breakfast in the morning which consists of cereal, eggs, pañitos (little bread), coffee, milk, and juices made from blended fruits and sugar. A lot more time is put into this, as well as into the lunch, which at my house is prepared by Elle our ayudante de casa, essentially a maid that comes to prep food, wash clothes, and clean the house. She is only here during the day though. I have of course, my abuelita or mamita, the grandma of the house, with the two parents Cecilia and José who are right now seeking jobs in Dallas, TX, I hope I did not scare them too much with my extremely pessimistic view of American culture, and their son and my hermanito Sebastián who is 7 years old and attends the local colegio from about 7:30 until 3pm everyday. I have yet to get to know them really well. José is an accountant, and Cecilia used to work in some sort of business, but neither of them are working this week as they plan to fly to the US this weekend as long as Cecilia can get a visa. Please pray for her, I think she is at the embassy today! If she does, then they will probably move to the US within a few years, which in some ways I think would be really cool for them, but from my somewhat skewed since I am still in my ¨honeymoon stage¨ but I truly believe they have it right down here with their focus on the family and the true values in life.

My schedule as it stands right now. I plan to start running at some point, starting at 5am and finishing in time to shower and make it to mass by 6:30, which in Spanish is really cool by the way! After that I catch a quick breakfast at home, walk to pick up my friend Connie from her house as her mom will not let her walk otherwise, and we go to La Católica for classes at 7:45. The first will start on time, the second starts whenever our professor decides to show up, it´s pretty much awesome for someone of my personality!!! After classes, we´ll usually come home for the big lunch, then the afternoon is ours for now, of course leaving time for the homework that will increase with time. In my first class today I met a student by the name of Mauricio, the same as Joe´s given name by his birthmother. There you go Joe. Also, on the topic, I was told that Timoteo is a name often given to the poor children of farmers, so I finally know what I am meant to do with my life!!! Kidding of course. But in reality I look forward to helping out with the poor at Alto Cayma, we went there a day or so ago and saw that there is indeed much to be done. There is a huge gap between the rich and poor here, so we are going to try to help bridge that. In the meantime though, we plan to hit some games of fútbol (soccer), some concerts, like the classical one last night that put me to sleep, and some discos. Again, elections and the world cup both happen this weekend on Sunday and Monday respectively, so it should all be very interesting.

I´ll let you know when I am able to do so, but I plan to get all my pics up on a Yahoo account, but for now check out those above!!! May God bless and keep you all always, I¨ll remember you often in my prayers!!!

TM

Arequipa

So we have arrived, I love my family which consists of my grandma, my mama, my papa and a little brother named Sebastian who is seven years old. I apologize but I do not have a ton of time to say much, but today we went to the university where we will study and got some tips from our coordinators. This afternoon we go to take a tour of Alto Cayma where we will do service, and after that we will hopefully go out for the first time here in the White City.

I have slept very well and have attended mass three times so far. I love it, the people are so relationship oriented it is awesome!!! I cannot wait to tell more, but have to go so my friend Connie can get home for lunch, and I too I suppose. Entonces, vayan todos con Dios mis amigos queridos!!!

Lima!!!

So we arrived and now I want to speak solely in Spanish. It is incredible here!!! The people are so willing to help you, and are so willing to let you help them as much as is possible. I cannot get over drastic differences between here and America. I realize that I am flying all over the place but I want you to get a little taste of what is going on in my head right now. I cannot even think about things outside of here so consuming and inviting is the culture. I expect there will be a storming and normalizing period, I think I even had a mini one today where I tired of speaking in a foreign language and just wanted to sit and do nothing, but after that I had an hour and a half conversation with a Peruvian student of English in a park not too far from one of the local churches where I hope to attend mass tomorrow morning.

Life here is so great already, there are some adjustments, obviously, but the best of these is having to speak a foreign language at all times. In that way you are fully immersed in the culture and all there is. I want to give a quick overview of all that has transpired and so I will, but there will be much more to read later. The flight from Ohare to Atlanta went so very fast, probably because I slept for most of it, then I explored Atlanta which is a tremendous place during my 8 hour layover there. I met up with almost our whole Peru group at the airport and we flew out together for Lima at about 5pm. We arrived, survived customs, baggage check, and finding our bus to the hotel, then collapsed. I awoke around 9am, ate, and jumped on a bus tour that ultimately led us to a tour of the Convent of San Francisco where there were paintings, sculptures, yet most importantly las catacumbas or catacombs. Bones everywhere, and the strangest part was that it made sense, in truth there have been few times that I have felt uncomfortable here. From there we explored the shopping places, the coast, ate for 1.50US, then proceeded on the hotel. After a brief respite, fully recharged we went out where I bought and consumed my first Inca Kola which is excellent by the way. The other bebida here is Pisco sour, but they supposedly serve them daily in Arequipa so I await that to find out what it is like. After that we ate in an excellent restaurant, which again was quite cheap, then proceeded on to the park where we encountered Denny, Antonio and the other students of English and had a long and fruitful conversation amidst those who solicited our money. There are a lot of those by the way. And you definitely need to take care with your papeles.

There is so much to say, but all I can say for now is I am off to bed, there will be more to come. May God bless you all, ¡hasta pronto!

Prepping for Peru..

So I haven't blogged in a long while, leaving school will do that to you I suppose. Anyway I hope you all will check up on this periodically as starting on Wednesday I hope to make it my primary means of communication with y'all. I must say that it is strange that just as I am getting acquainted with being at home in Rockford again, I prepare to go where I have never gone before. Not only on a plane, nor even on a plane to somewhere in the US, but instead to a faroff place in Latin America that I hope will be a dream come true. Still the uncertainty creeps in like darkness at the corners of your eyes while you lie in bed praying and preparing for sleep. Yet the reality is that you will wake again and the darkness will have departed, beginning a new day of opportunities, hopes and dreams. This journey will be one not only of the body, but also of the mind and soul; what I find there I will hold in my heart forever, and it will ever impact every single decision I will make in the future to come. Unbelievable!!!

As to the facts, I leave on a Delta flight from O'Hare airport in Chicago Wednesday at 5:30am, that gives you some kind of idea when I'll be leaving Rockford as we lie an hour and a half away from the City, and then will arrive in Atlanta, and after an eight hour layover exploring the supposedly largest airport in the US, I will leave for Lima arriving at around 10:30pm Wednesday night. From there, we stay in a hotel for two nights, leaving ample time to explore the country's capital, then bus down the coast for four days until we arrive at our destination in Arequipa. There we will stay for the following seven weeks. I may not get an opportunity to add to this before I arrive there, so I look forward to telling you all about Peru then! God bless and keep you all, I would appreciate your prayers!

Passion

What makes you come alive? St. Irenaeus tells us that the glory of God is shown in a man fully alive, so how do we figure out what that is? We live life, we cling to friends that touch our hearts no matter how long we have known them or how little we know about them, we engage ourselves in whatever captures our heart and live for those moments that fill us with passion. We seek to do the Lord's will, put our trust in Him and know that everything will turn out according to how He would have it. There is great peace in this, as well as great challenge. I have struggled with this seeming paradox as of late in that on one hand we are called to seek out our passions and follow them, but on the other to trust in the Lord and let Him take control, take the frustrations out of our hands. In the little things this can be easy to do, well Lord you can have this particular event, it's in your hands. But with larger questions, like what you are going to do with the rest of your life, well it's a little more difficult to give that over, especially in a society that encourages us to do everything we can to achieve the American dream; wealth, a beautiful spouse, a couple children, and at least two houses: one in an suburban area near your job with a white picket fence, and a summer home on the lake several hours away. Yet these take us nowhere. When do you feel most alive? It hits me when I go running, when our team has just come together to win a game or accomplish a task, when I see the smile on the face of someone who just before looked bewildered and alone. To see the light go on when understanding hits, to learn and give back, to love. These all make my heart pulse with life within me, I do not know where it all fits, but with God there is a way. I know I often leave these blogs wide open, but I challenge you to find those activities that start the fire in your heart. These are God's signs and cannot lead you wrong. Trust in Him and follow your heart, for with these you will never forget to love, and you will always be loved, and we will ultimately find peace.

Milestones

Another day has passed, another involvement has ended, goodbyes have been said, gifts and thanks exchanged, photos taken and memories solidified in our minds. I did not realize before how difficult it may be to step away from here. I have come to know Ames as a home and the people I have grown with here as family. The words "you don't know what you have until it's gone" have more truth for me now than ever before...and yet there are other words. Other truths. Whatever may be taken from us, no one can ever touch the relationships we have formed, nor the memories we have made. God gave us these that we might build upon them, and by the strength and hope we gain go on to conquer the world. Thank you to all of you who have been such forces in my life. I can in no way list you all, as you continue to touch me every day in ways that none of us fully understand. I would appreciate your continued prayers as I move on into the next epoch in my life. I must confess that it has always been a dream of mine to move beyond Ames to see what the rest of the world holds. Though I have enjoyed my time here and have formed relationships that I will keep with me forever, I must move on. I am called to something different, it may or may not lie in Peru, it may or may not lie in New York City, it may or may not lie close to my hometown in Illinois, but wherever it is I will seek it with all of my strength. It is one of my dreams to satisfy the tugging in my heart that has always kept me questioning. If you found me restless in recent months, this is the cause. I yearn to discover my part, and though I do not know completely what it is, it unfortunately does not lie here. And that's ok. I assure you that I will return to visit, I will never forget all of you who have touched me in even the smallest of ways, I am amazed at the ways in which God works. I will pray for you as well, of this I can also assure you. Yet in this time, I must pursue the dreams of my heart wherever they lead. God is good, with and in Him I will find peace. May you too, question the world and follow the dreams of your heart.


PS Thank you to Stewart for the photo from my last day of work at the Knoll!!!

Words of Wisdom

I would like to thank whomever left the note on my desk yesterday. I must say that it caused me to think, which was appropriate as it described how we truly can never stop thinking and that ultimately we find God through that. Too often, I myself fail at the idea of thoughtfulness, though I have many good examples in my life including my parish priest back home (thanks Fr. Ken) as well as a father who is currently setting an awesome example by making it his priority to be more thoughtful in word and deed. It is incredible to have so many good people around, but it is truly in the moments where someone touches us with some small gesture that we feel the grace of God coming through. For it is often in the smallest things that we can effect the greatest good. Would that we remember that...Thanks again, and may God bless and keep you always as well.

Thinking

So often I get all philosophical and really say nothing at all. At times I am so tired that all I care to do is sleep as was the case tonight, but instead I am sitting here writing this because of the caffeine I drank earlier. I did drink it in great company though as we watched "Amores Perros," by far one of the strangest movies I have seen in a while. The buzz also helped us through our victory in broomball this evening 4-3 against a very capable and sportsmanlike team than the other night and no I did not break any bones tonight. I truly enjoyed everything I did tonight, yet at the end of it I come down to scrutinizing my future and all that it may hold, and I think I may have found it. The program is called ACE and it involves teaching underprivileged youths in Catholic schools throughout the country and the world. Along with it you receive a Master's in Education, which of course cannot hurt, and you live in community an idea with which I am already familiar and do relish! Thus the future seems somewhat in line, though I know it will likely not turn out as I plan: couple weeks doing God knows what, then Peru for eight more (for this I am itching to go!!!), another month doing odd jobs, hanging out with friends, maybe working in tile again we shall see. Then off to the big city where I have not completely figured it all out yet, but will do service, live somewhere in Manhattan or nearby, take a few classes at Hunter College, graduate, then do the ACE program or some other such Catholic, service-oriented program. My thanks out to all of those out there who have helped me so much along the way. You know who you are, I thank God for you every day and want to thank you again for being there.

There it is, you have the update on my life. May God bless and keep you all in the time to come, especially all ya with finals, papers and projects...best of luck.

Interesting

Same artist, different tune...coincidence?

What Hurts The Most


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....


Rascal Flatts

Life Ahead

"Human life acquires fullness when it becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express itself in matrimony, in consecrated virginity, in self-dedication to one's neighbour towards an ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry. Parents will truly serve the life of their children if they help them make their own lives a gift, respecting their mature choices and fostering joyfully each vocation, including the religious and priestly one" (John Paul II). I find so much truth in this one line. I have read significant parts of the Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, and nowhere else have I found so much truth on this issue. You know when you have found something that is right, everything about it clicks...your head nods, but not in a bored stupor too often found in class lectures, but in agreement with every word proclaimed. And oh the power of rhetoric, to be enabled to speak in such a way to carry a country to make war on itself, as in Rwanda, or to lead itself to peace as in the effort so heroicly led by Gandhi. We need more people in the world who will step outside the daily routine and really listen to what goes on in the home, on the street, in the country and throughout the world. Life is so much more than the diario or "daily grind", yet how many of us never see that and lead our lives of "quiet desperation". Seize the truth as we seize the day. How? That is different for every one of us. But according to the truth above, we must truly make our lives a gift in whatever way we are most capable. Yes parents play a huge role in this, but it is up to us to take what we have learned and otherwise been given and find the way that we will give back. It matters not as to your upbringing, though this may limit you in some way, this does not change your ability to make a difference if only by way of small gifts given to those nearest you. From there, pray, develop your relationship with the Lord and he will lead you on. This is what I believe.

Relationships

"And if friends were friends forever..." I would keep you all, because you have all been such a support in my life. I have recently rediscovered the many invaluable relationships in my life and am reminded of the reality that these are all that persist here beyond death. On the left you can see me among my first roommate at ISU Troy Larsen who is an expert cribbage player, Lisa who has rapidly learned the trade, and Greg who challenges Troy for the crown as king of cribbage. We spent some quality time in the res halls recently, chillaxin and eatin' chips and salsa like the good old days. If any of you have never played the game you should check it out. On that note, Emily Arentson you owe me a game of 500, maybe we should catch one in the upcoming weeks. Or we could always do it when you and Amanda come and visit me in NYC BABY!!! You all rock!! Thanks for everything you already have been and will be!! I cannot name you all, but you know who you are, and you'll be with me FOR-E-VER (to use a line from the sandlot).

Friends and Music

Sometimes you just got to make the best of your situation, when you sit and feel sorry for yourself nothing happens, we have to go out and pursue the opportunities that present themselves to us. I finally learned a lesson about this last night as I am usually too stubbornly boring to try something new, well I went out to a dance club where I was certain I would not have any fun, but I had a blast. Now this may sound strange, but in the process of trying to save some of the girls in my group from an older professor guy who would not leave them alone, I began to dance with him!!! A little weird I know, but in the heat of the moment it was a lot of fun!!! I need to learn to be less uptight about everything. Often I think too much and forget to have fun, relationships are not like a game of battleship, though all too much I think I do view them that way. To all of you out there reading this, I'm sorry, I'm learning and I'm attempting to move beyond this. There are many excuses I can give for not doing things, but I never look at the possibilities of actually doing things. I'm exhausted right now, but I type this so all of you out there will keep pushing me to have fun. I fear that I lean too much to the conservative side in the social arena, and this does not mean at all that I plan to ever get raging drunk or even drunk at all, sorry I can't bring myself to that, but I do need to loosen up. The Lord made us as social creatures, please continue to challenge me to be one. That's my rant for today. By the way, all my best to Marianne, Laura, María, Lisa, Emily, Karen and all others who went to the Boheme!!! Y'all rock and we'll have to do it again before the summer brings the next epoch in all of our lives!!!

Music

Often I am blown away by how closely a certain song or album can speak to my life. Just to name a few I have encountered recently: Brad Paisley's "When I Get Where I'm Going", Jimmy Wayne's "Stay Gone" and "I Love You This Much", Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me", and for the moment, Garth Brooks' "The Dance"...

Looking back, on the memory of,
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above,
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known, that you'd ever say goodbye,

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss, the dance.

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king.
If I'd only known, how the king would fall.
Well who's to say, you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss, the dance.

Yes my life, is better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss, the dance