Certainty

Unfortunately it seems that nothing is certain in life except for the love of God. It is always there during the day, at the end of the day, and in the morning no matter what kind of morning it is. We all must choose in what capacity we want to experience that love. Where do we want to be in our lives. Do we enjoy what we are doing? Are we afraid to embrace the choices we have made? Do we feel we have made the wrong choices? Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to live life had I decided to let my mind go by the wayside, had I let my passions govern me, had I not tried so hard to live the life that now makes me wonder if I shall ever have peace. I can so relate with San Manuel Bueno, Martir, though I am nothing compared to his piety. He converted his whole village, but in his heart never believed. I believe, but I can convert no one because my heart is not there. I have difficulty explaining it, but I hope you begin to see what my struggle is from day to day. God will be there to help me through. Sometimes I think these are just incidents of whining, but then I realize that they are things that maybe no one ever talks about, and I am called to share them. I love sharing these things because I have no shame, I want you to see my struggles and maybe learn something from them. In this moment I am not sure where to go except straight ahead. I recall the verse from the Hispanic, charismatic group in Brooklyn, "keep God in your heart, your eyes on the prize, and then run for it without looking back!" This I will try to do, please share your own insights as well. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Peace.

Frustrations

Having been here a week, I would have hoped that I would be a bit more excited about the prospects of working on a cruise ship and sailing the Caribbean, but I don't know if I'm feeling it. I hear about others making great sales, but as I look at what we have available I am not completely sure I believe in what I am doing. I am gaining a great knowledge of art, but I am getting disillusioned with the whole idea. It is a very transient existence, with many people preparing to leave, and many people drinking nightly. I don't know what I am supposed to take from this. Last night I was so frustrated that I wanted to yell, but there is not necessarily that opportunity. I am to go to mass here, and I look forward to that. I pray that He will show me where I am to go. I have signed a contract and will live it out, but only by the grace of God go I. Maybe that is why I am here, to learn how to live life, how to appreciate all of its elements. I think it is in the more challenging times in our lives that God teaches us the most.

I don't know where I am supposed to go in this life. I like where I am, the idea behind it, but the actual process of living it tires me and I don't know. I do know, and then I don't. Sometimes I want the path back, but then I make another choice that sends me somewhere completely different.

God is good and He will help me. Truly my heart will not rest until it rests in you. Right now I will not rest, I will study, I will learn, I will avoid those things that keep me down. I will strengthen my relationships though I don't know why I feel that I cannot connect with people like I used to. What am I missing? What am I not doing? I need to strengthen my spiritual life. So help me God.

Barbados

Before I forget, here is a basic day in the Caribbean aboard the ms Veendam of the Holland America Cruise Line. Again I work for Park West Galleries, the world’s largest original works art dealer. As an art associate I cover all the small things, sell works to people before the auction begins, setup rooms, help the auctioneer in any way I can. Right now it is a lot of fun, because everything is so new and I make myself a more valuable component every day. We truly are a team. Andrew is wonderful to work with, one of the most forgiving and patient people I know who has developed tremendous relationships with people around the ship. Though I too have done my fair share in the past six days. My friend Yulianna complemented my people skills, saying I am easy to talk to and that I will have no problems aboard this ship. That is a sigh of relief for me, because I have endured some trials in my life that have left me unsure of myself. One big advantage to auctioneering is that it calls you to be confident and genuine in all situations. I have always been a very genuine person, but meshing that with eternal confidence has proven a challenge for me. Last night I did a mediocre presentation on Dali and Chagall, Andrew there the whole time to point out where I can improve. This is by far one of the greatest opportunities of my life. I see the world, learn how to sell things, learn about art which has always fascinated me, and get to know more and more people every day. The introductions really never cease as the turnover for passengers and crew is so high. The only downfall to this will be the sorrow of parting, as well as a sense of the transience of life. I do not fear that I will miss my family or friends too much, I know that they are well, and they know that I am well as well.

Ok, today…Woke up after an evening of cards and 75 cent Corona beer. A great time of spoons where one man could not get his stuff together no matter how much we tried to help him, it was very comical! This morning I woke at 7:00am, ready to head out for Barbados, then I rolled back over and slept til 7:45. Life’s tough, hey? Made it to the dock late, so my group had already left. I caught up in a taxi and was treated to one of the greatest physical experiences of my life! We climbed aboard a yacht of about 35 tons, 12 feet long, and over 100 feet tall with the mast. We cruised the Caribbean waters, so blue that you can see right to the bottom. Absolutely incredible. A nice three hour ride later I knew most of the people on the boat, including Mary. Mary is a woman in the autumn of her life, but she’s treating like the summer of her senior year of high school! She has found another man to accompany her in life, after her own husband passed, then has traveled the Caribbean with him, and remarked to me today that this yacht trip was the pinnacle of all her cruise experiences! Paints quite a picture doesn’t it? Funny that her name was Mary, and that she was in many ways similar to you Mary, now killin it at Costco, yet further along down the road. She has picked up the pieces and moved on, just as you have, and she has ultimately found happiness. I realize that more and more wherever I go. The skipper on the boat today was the epitomy of contentment. He visibly relishes every moment of what he does, and is one of the most pleasant-natured men I have met. What a life to live! He sails for six months at a time at sea, with rotations for three hours of sleep. Great guy.

After a bit of lunch at the shop, a few purchases and we’re back onboard, I prepared to set up for our silent auction this evening in our very own art gallery. It’s pretty cool and I hope that it will attract a bit more business this evening. With the grace of God we will sell a few things. Andrew is still driving the boat in regard to these events, but he is very open to my input. Cornel has been awesome in getting everything set up for our events, and I am very thankful that I was not responsible for everything that he does directly upon arrival to the ship.

The guy I replace, Gordon, seems to have been an interesting character. He dated the girl who complemented me, who by the way is teaching me Russian in exchange for a Spanish lesson. The crew onboard is largely Filipino and Indonesian, some of the most generous and kindest people I know. Yesterday one guy by the name of Miftah offered me his soccer shoes and socks so that I could replace my sandals and play! I turned him down, but the thought that was there overwhelmed me. I am truly learning how to live as a community, how to qualify and not to judge, how to speak publicly and personally, how to sell, how to follow God (there is Mass onboard). God is so good in granting all of these lessons; I wait daily for what the next one will be. I cannot wait to see what else He will teach me today. I hope you all are well, and please know that God can teach us no matter where we go. We must keep ourselves close to Him, and then He will do the rest.

“My heart will not rest until it rests in you my Lord.” - St. Augustine, posted on a school of the Christian Brothers in Dominica

Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands....

These did not seem like the uncharted, virgin islands I had imagined. Everything catered to tourists, and I am quite positive they come every day. I am beginning to wonder if there are still any uncharted parts of this world. One of my friends aboard ship inspired me today by sharing how her boyfriend had spent some time teaching English in an Asian jungle. Maybe that will be the next step. Yet still, I feel there is something that all of this cannot touch, cannot fulfill within me. I find it funny how we all live life differently, and some of us realize more quickly than others of us, what it is that we truly need. I suppose that is our beauty, that we all need live our individual life to our individual goals, and in so doing discover our unique persona.

Puerto Rico gave me an opportunity to speak Spanish, and I got some comments on my language skills, such that I think I need to find a job in the future where I would make better use of my skills. For the time being, this job is a challenge in that we are trying to sell artwork to persons who are my grandma's age, and they are not very quick to part with their money. It is a challenge that I relish, because I feel the only thing missing is a strong rapport, something that my auctioneer understands. Yet he is only able to reach a segment of the population. So I bring the skills that can reach the other portion, and hopefully thus together we will conquer the objections that stand there before us and have so far prevented this ship from being very successful. I am glad for my placement and look forward to our next auction. But first life is rough in that we must spend 6 more days in a row in ports throughout the Caribbean, starting tomorrow with Dominica, the island where they filmed "Pirates".

I hope that you are all staying warm! I say that not in jest, just in wonder that I am worried about getting sunburned in the middle of February. God bless and keep you!!!!

Tampa!!!

So, after being held transfixed by the landscape of clouds above Tampa, we descended to the unfortunate reality that my first day in Florida is overcast, though the temperature is around 60 degrees so it's not too bad!! Tonight I will spend in a hotel that does not have wireless internet, so I am still at the airport using the free wireless! I know I'm cheap, and I think in Spanish it's "tacano" or "codo". I think those capture it a lot better than the English adjective "cheap". I like it here so far, though I think one of the most difficult things to overcome on the cruise will be the heat! Up in the northern states we complain about the cold temperatures, but in reality I think the lower states and the Caribbean actually get tired of the heat. I got a taste of it in Peru where it was sunny every day we were there (it never even looked like it was going to rain), but there it got cold at night so I got a taste of both worlds!!!

I must admit that sales challenges me to adapt my abilities, but not in a bad way. All we do as salesman is help a client to find that which they desire to have. And with these clients they often do not have to worry about the price. I don't know that I can fathom that. Actually I know I cannot yet, because after a mock sale at training I succeeded in selling a work to a man for over $100,000, and so I was happy and walked away when in reality I could have sold him much more than just that!

Life is a learning process, and I am going to borrow from my friend when I say that I do not yet feel prepared to make the grand decision of my vocation in life and so this particular employment provides the luxury of getting to work and save some money while traveling the world and working on my people skills. What more could a single 22 year old man who loves people ask for? I thank God for this opportunity and look forward to sharing all that I learn with you. Please keep in touch and let me know what God has led you to in your own lives.

God bless and keep you always.