Frustrations

Having been here a week, I would have hoped that I would be a bit more excited about the prospects of working on a cruise ship and sailing the Caribbean, but I don't know if I'm feeling it. I hear about others making great sales, but as I look at what we have available I am not completely sure I believe in what I am doing. I am gaining a great knowledge of art, but I am getting disillusioned with the whole idea. It is a very transient existence, with many people preparing to leave, and many people drinking nightly. I don't know what I am supposed to take from this. Last night I was so frustrated that I wanted to yell, but there is not necessarily that opportunity. I am to go to mass here, and I look forward to that. I pray that He will show me where I am to go. I have signed a contract and will live it out, but only by the grace of God go I. Maybe that is why I am here, to learn how to live life, how to appreciate all of its elements. I think it is in the more challenging times in our lives that God teaches us the most.

I don't know where I am supposed to go in this life. I like where I am, the idea behind it, but the actual process of living it tires me and I don't know. I do know, and then I don't. Sometimes I want the path back, but then I make another choice that sends me somewhere completely different.

God is good and He will help me. Truly my heart will not rest until it rests in you. Right now I will not rest, I will study, I will learn, I will avoid those things that keep me down. I will strengthen my relationships though I don't know why I feel that I cannot connect with people like I used to. What am I missing? What am I not doing? I need to strengthen my spiritual life. So help me God.