Peace

That ever evasive quality that we seek to achieve in our lives. Neither accomplished by ignoring the rules in life, nor by unswervingly adhering to them. Peace is found in unexpected places, and at times that we never would have thought it would come to us. I used to think, and still do hope that these times in our lives are indications of something that we need to maintain in our lives; perhaps a sport that inspires us to coaching, or a book that inspires us to think, an academic major that challenges us to think beyond the proverbial envelope. Yet I have learned that our minds must also be at peace in these times. Our entire being must be in harmony for true peace to exist. Reason and dreaming must meet somewhere, not one abandoned in favor of the other. This abandonment is of course very possible, and perhaps even common, that we should so abandon one in absolute favor of the other, but this is counterproductive to our development. We must somehow come back to the point where there existed some measure of balance in our past, and start from there to truly find this entirety of peace, that can truly fill our entire person, if only we are willing to let it. Too often we want to exert an excess of control, or let things fall where they may without taking any responsibility for our ability to affect the outcome. I believe that we will encounter both imbalances at different periods in our lives, and it is important to maintain that inner compass that is searching for the best version of our self, and to follow that to our ultimate destiny.

There is a beautiful union of taking responsibility and letting go, that work together to form our lives into what we want them to be in our heart of hearts; and that is that they would be fulfilling, lending a sense of accomplishment, and having made some sort of positive impact on the world in which we live. Might I say that this most often comes in our relationships with others, who help us to grow as individuals and learn about ourselves, as well as become aware of how we affect those around us, such that we get a much clearer view of the possible roles that we are capable of playing in this life.

I must admit that up to this point I have allowed these insights to be a kind of eliminator for me, that what I learn about myself and my effect on others should somehow show me what I should NOT do with my life. But I think the contrary is both more useful and more healthy, in that we take from every experience, every interaction, every act of every day, an insight into something that we can do that helps in the development of our very selves, and those around us, and thereby has an effect on the whole world.

World peace is unfortunately impossible in this world of so many nations and peoples, that is without the intervention of God. But what did He do when He came to earth? Yes he taught on a broad scale to all those who would listen, but more importantly he came into relationship with people. Jesus had the power to change as many hearts as He did because of His divine nature, but it was His humanity that allowed him to enter personally into the lives of John the Beloved and the apostles, Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, and Lazarus. Through his relationship with these, he reached out beyond the grave and affected the lives of the many who encountered these and the apostles. We do not possess the power of Christ's divinity, however as a people devoted to Him, we can allow our humanity to serve in the same way that Jesus' humanity served God while He walked this earth. We can enter intensely into relationship with one another, challenging each other to encounter and embrace the truth, which will transform our lives and make us into greater human persons and ultimately greater witnesses to our Lord and Creator. He asks only that we love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and body; and that we love our neighbor as we love our very self. Thus it starts with God, who lends us an inner peace, that we can then share with others, and that will ultimately lead them back to the ultimate answer to peace in our lives. Christ said, "Peace be with you!" Let us carry this message to all peoples by allowing our humanity and human actions to be transformed by His love, and thereby impact the lives of all those who encounter us.

Thankfulness

There are so many things that I have to be thankful for in this life as of late, that I have not commented on due to the overly busy nature of my life. Now though, it is a beautiful day at home in Rockford, Illinois, and the outlook looks bright. Only three weeks ago yesterday I received the call to embark upon one of the most exciting and pivotal experiences of my life. A young woman who I now have the privilege to call a friend, called me in the midst of my final exam for one of the translation courses with which I have most struggled over the past year. She asked me whether I would like to interpret for a couple that was coming from Cuba to stay with and visit the church of her father, a Methodist minister in northeastern Ohio. After a day of deliberation and arrangement, I agreed. With that I interpreted before a congregation of Christians as the two pastors from Cuba shared their stories about their church that is taking shape in a country that once allowed for no such practices. They spoke of the differences between the governments of our countries, but how this does not affect the relationship between peoples. And truly this is the case for all of us. That we need to approach the person we encounter in one another instead of rely on all the preconceived notions and perceptions in our heads. We spoke in front of the church gathering, bible studies, a youth group, schools, and participated in various other church activities as well. We visited an organic farm, a zoo, went to a baseball game, and conversed at length at the home of the pastor from Ohio. It was in all an amazing experience, and showed me that God can work no matter the circumstances.

This changed me irrevocably. I am amazed at how God took my feeble abilities to speak two languages and brought me into a situation with people I had never met before, and allowed me to be the one to help them communicate. And now, even further, the pastor has been so gracious as to invite me to Cuba, to teach a class on the Theology of the Kingdom, the Gospels. My interests in Spanish and theology have reached a sort of climax, and all of this will contribute to the completion of my case study next year.

After I would complete it I feel that I may need to leave this economy for some time. Had I been born and raised, and then stayed here, I believe that I would have been able to remain and work here; but as I have experienced life differently: a more relaxed life, closer to family and friends, I feel that I need to return to the place where my heart was at rest, and where I jumped out of bed every morning. I know that it was a short experience, but I can remember never sleeping in in my bed in Peru. I was always up and out and on to the next thing. There was always something to do that day. And I was inspired!

However, speaking with the pastor from Ohio of late, the passion returned. I was able to speak with conviction once again, and I believe it is the force of God returning to my life. There are many accounts that still need settling, many problems that need resolution, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is something in my life to look forward to. And I don't know that it includes the term "professional". I don't like the concept, I don't like the practice, I don't know though because there are definitely times when I want to be treated this way, and times when I do not. I struggle to figure out in my mind, where I want to be in this world, and what I want to be doing, but it is the struggle that helps us to figure out where we are going.

On a beautiful day like this I wish I could just go out and enjoy it. Wander around without a care or thought in my mind, but the reality is that my mind is always going, is always thinking, and cannot often be at rest. Perhaps this is why I have wandered so long and so far, and still have not come to anything concrete.

Interesting thoughts....I hope I am back to writing on here more often....thanks to those of you who have the patience to read....

sleeplessness....

Do you ever find yourself, late at night, unable to sleep and contemplating all the questions and uncertainties in your life. I must admit that it is rare for me, because I am too often running from place to place and never give myself enough rest, such that when I do lay down, I'm out. However today I think that Pepsi this afternoon has brought me to the moment now where it approaches 1am and I cannot do more than shut my eyes and think. I contemplate the last few months and all that has transpired, and how fortunate I am, and we all are in turn that we do not have absolute control over our lives. As much as friends have encouraged me to move beyond repeating maxims, I find myself constantly returning to the idea that all we have to do hear God laugh, is to tell him our plans. Just at the moment that I thought I had given up everything and the summer was to be nothing more than a going home, and a sort of abandonment of what I had wanted to do, I have discovered instead something that I never would have otherwise ever conceived or brought myself into. I am interpreting for a Cuban pastor who has come here to the states upon invitation by a Methodist pastor from here in Ohio, who has after getting to know me, invited me to help him teach a course on the Theology of the Kingdom in Cuba. I will interpret the class as he teaches.

I would never have imagined anything like this. I never would have imagined that I would have the opportunity to go to France over spring break and meet all the blessed people that Mike, Brett, and I encountered there. Prior to this, I never hoped that I would go to El Salvador, but seemingly by chance, one of those who had signed up was unable to go, and I was the alternate. God is always working in our lives, whether or not it is immediately evident. If you are anything like me, then you do not have patience to wait and see what the Lord will do if we would just stop trying to force everything for just a minute. Yes we need to exercise our free will, yes we need to make wise decisions, considering all possible alternatives before acting, but we also need to allow for the will of God in all of these things. It seems that if we leave Him an open window he is able to shine His light through and brighten our lives in a holistic way, much as the sunlight enhances the brilliance of a beautiful home. For we can only do so much in our lives, much as we can with a house, we cannot have as much effect on the weather, the environment, etc. Hence, yes let us build a home or a life that we enjoy living, but let us not forget that God plays an instrumental role in all of this, and that the more opportunities we give Him to act in our lives, perhaps the more fulfilling our lives will be.

Perhaps....

Sometimes I like to write without a destination and see where the pen, or in this case, the keyboard leads. At times it works really well, but in others I end up running in a vicious circle in my mind that only leads the reader to discover my lunacies and regret his having come along for the trip. At this moment in time I have just finished with the last of my formal classes for the school year and I teach one final review tomorrow. After this I will have only to work on one major project for one class and touch up the work I have already completed for my other classes. I am beginning to look forward to the summer and the freedom it brings. If there is one thing that I have learned from this year, and that would be far understating the fact, it would be that I like to do things and get them done. I relish dwelling on the deeper questions in life, and I would rather get done with what needs get done in the moment in order to be able to do that. I love the rush of the summer wind over the greenest leaves that carries my mind to thoughts of God and the world beyond this life. There is so much truth that is manifested in the world outside every day. Did we catch it today? Or did we walk or run right on by to the tune of our endless chants of efficiency and hard work? Yes the latter especially is important, and the first insofar as it fits with the other elements you want present in your life. For example it would be more efficient to do everything on your own, especially if you are the most knowledgeable, but wouldn't this exclude the possibility of inviting someone else in, teaching them something new, inviting them to see the world from a different perspective. Life is too short to sit and bicker over who has more or less, or better understands the world. Sometimes I wish that this world would just be over already and we could all see the truth once and for all!

And then again...there is so much to learn, so many paths to follow, so many rabbitholes that lead to I know not where. I have boundless energy to explore this world and see where I might end up. I would love to have a job in which I can do it and get done. I love language and for this reason I might more research interpreting in the coming year. It may work out well for me in that I would have a job that begins and ends at a certain point and that is somewhat mobile, in that I could establish myself as a translator as well and then interpret once I reached my destination. So many thoughts and ideas, and I think sometimes that not being in a perfect place is better to agitate the imagination to conceive what the perfect place looks like, or its elements, or anything else that could be revealing as to the future. I have enjoyed my time here in Kent, it has not been heaven, but alas heaven is only available to us beyond death, and this is something that I do not fear, but look forward to as if it is far along the line, after I have lived all that I am meant to live here. My mother does not think I will ever settle down, perhaps she is right, perhaps I will not, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.....

Library

Here my thoughts can run wild and my hands can type unbelievably quickly. I enjoy helping others get their things done than I truly enjoy doing my own. In this sense I suppose that I try most to be a Christian and/or Catholic (universal). I love the insights given by editing, given a glimpse into an unfamiliar field. Yesterday I sat in on a presentation on the nature of the breakup of Yugoslavia, about which I previously knew nothing, but that I now could probably could give a general synopsis. There are times when I do not enjoy living and working in academia, but I must admit that the quest for knowledge, especially of how to do things, can at times be quite contagious and even addictive in this environment. More than ever before I am aware that knowledge is power. I can even feel my own inadequacy next to the giants of my field and alongside others in other fields that I encounter on a daily stroll through campus. Nonetheless, and no matter how appealing campus life may seem next to a job working 8-4, 40 hours a week, I can assure you that the work never ends, nor is there any good breaking point at which one can say, "I am done." This concept does not exist here, and so we proceed in the quest of "knowledge", but really should be qualified as book knowledge, for knowledge of some things outside academics is eventually forfeit. Hence it is important to ask as in all things, how important is this to me? That is before one would plunge into and/or return to academia to continue one's education.

Just some thoughts, I hope that you all benefit from my random and crazy musings! Love you all!!!!

Diversion from France....

It seems that wherever I am the matters immediately at hand tend to dominate my mind. I suppose this is how I can be so intensely involved in my friendships wherever I am and then rapidly fail to keep in touch and leave a trail of people behind who have no clue what I am doing now. I try my best, but I don't know how to do it any differently. I love being spontaneous: up and going to both El Salvador and France in these past 5 months; exploring the possibility of relationships and friendships that I never would have tried for under any other circumstances. These are the things that inspire us to live and live more fully, to seek the greater things in life and not get caught up on the small things. Right now I sit at a university typing at a computer that I never could have conceptualized less than a year ago. A full year ago I was serving fast food at a great restaurant in my hometown and reffing basketball, and a year before that I suppose I was still working on the cruise ship. It has been a wild ride, but again I wouldn't want it any other way. This is why then I try all these different things here now at Kent State. I was recently elected Advocacy Chair for the Graduate Student Senate, a position that I ordinarily never would have applied for, but whose duties will teach me again how to work together, how to develop and evaluate grant proposals, and how to manage time between this, my classes, my teaching, and my refereeing.

I am thoroughly convinced that I am crazy, but I could not be more grateful for it. I went for a good 2 hour bike-ride throughout Kent and the surrounding area this afternoon and I feel like a million dollars. I am in the perfect mood to blog because I am writing without thinking, pure stream of consciousness that I can later go back and read and say, "What the heck was I (not) thinking?"

At this point in the evening I have the opportunity to go out with a couple of different groups of people, but I would much rather check in with those I love and care about and go to bed. I plan to write more on France when the inspiration comes, but for the movement, we'll leave it at this: it was a life-changing experience in its every facet, and I look anxiously forward to the world-trip, which will revive again this desire to live and live deliberately, deeply, and fully! Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, but I refuse and will not cave to anything that makes me feel so unnecessarily!!! I will fight desperation with passion and love for life. So help me God!

France - part I

There have been few times in my life like the time that comprised my spring break in France, spent with the best of friends, in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. I realize there is something within me that responds to those that are closest to me; something that comes alive and takes over my heart and soul and entire being. I am completely free when I am with them, and I have them to thank. Mike and Brett, I love you guys completely; you are my friends and brothers, both in Christ and darn well close to blood. Reflecting back on "les trois" in the bed at Jenna's place, all the way through to smoking Cuban cigars along the Champs Elysée, you guys are the greatest. Jenna, what can I say? You are my sister and friend and this trip helped me draw so much closer to you and helped me to realize what an invaluable friend and confidante I have in you. Thank you for convincing Veronique to take us into your tiny little three-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment in Aix-en-Provence, and put up with us for three days and two nights!

For all of you who are reading this, know that France is beautiful and I cannot do it justice with my words here...Marseille is a land of sunshine and green grass and flowers, and where the guy at passport control gives you a sly look, before asking the inevitable, "what are you here to do?" but does not stay for the answer, and instead with the cry, "a girl" takes off running! After this priceless beginning, the trip was an amazing success. Everywhere we went, we encountered endless generosity and ever more deep lessons of God's goodness. Starting in Aix, I dressed up in a toga and attended a costume party/dance at the local engineering school, we discussed some of the harder questions of Catholicism, and then ended by taking a drive through the countryside, lunching at a nice French place in a small town, and then driving through vineyards and chocolateries. Leaving Aix we met up with one of the most generous women I have ever met in the quaint town of Cavaillon. Marie-Jean, one of the holiest living persons I have ever encountered, and also one of the most amazing cooks, told us how much faith she puts in us as the generation to take up the struggle of holding this world together in the time to come. She spoke of her hope for the conversion of all peoples to the one truth. She inspired me as few people ever have, and she said it all in French! She did not speak English with us at all. The beds, the shower, the food, the hospitality, were all the best I have had in a long time. And she gave it all freely, on merit of our friendship with Theresa, a very holy young woman as well of our age.

After a wonderfully relaxing long lunch with Marie-Jean, we visited the Palais des Papes in Avignon, and felt the wonder and the interesting phenomenon of imagining the Roman Catholic church centered out of this French town. This especially after having seen Rome. Our soiree ended in our favorite city of the whole journey, where a wonderful young man named François awaited to put us up in the local rectory where we slept like babies. The next day his family took us into their home and we again experienced the generosity of the French and the glory of God who enabled these two wonderful people to raise five wonderful children, all of whom were extremely compelling in conversation. One of my favorite points to note is that all were welcome at the table, especially the parish priest who sat and ate with the family. It was a beautiful show of love for all, and from these people I learned how much more I have to learn about how to give without counting the cost. May God bless them now and always....

More to come, but I'm off to bed, I hope you have enjoyed thus far...

Je suis arrivé en France...

Bonjour a tout le monde! After four separate flights and a total of nearly 29 hours of travel I am with Jenna and Alana in their host mom Veronique's flight in Aix-en-Provence, France! Life is different here, but I recall again why I love the European lifestyle. It is not so much about efficiency here, but rather about enjoying life with the quantity of money and possessions that you have been blessed with. God is good to have let me come here, for I already know that this is going to be a life-changing experience, I don't know how many one can have in one lifetime, but I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to experience so many. Tomorrow we will explore the "grand-marché" and hopefully find some good fruits and veggies to feast upon, and perhaps some more elegant European style shoes and clothing in general to sport while I am here. Unfortunately the dirty, unshaven, long-haired American look does not carry one too far over here, but I hope in short order to have all that arranged. I want to take this moment to thank God for all of you who have helped me reach this point. It is amazing to be able to do these things, and with each new experience I come closer to the truth at the heart of it all. The latest revelation for me has been that I take joy not in exploring the world itself, but in exploring the expressions of wonder that fill others' eyes at having a new revelation, going to a new place, feeling understood and loved. What drives each one of us? What fills us with passion? For me, for now, it is to travel the world and see as many places and share them with as many people as possible, but in time I will be ready to settle down, and then in that moment I can pour my gifts and talents into the things that I really enjoy, because they bring others joy. Only God can know exactly what that will look like, but some revelations have already come from this trip, and I look forward to all those that are yet to come....

Love you all!

Pensamientos más claros

Hoy día estaba pensando sobre la vida por la mañana, anotando ciertas cosas en mi diario, en la cual me gusta mucho imaginar y adivinar como va a ir la vida o para mí o para los otros que viven alrededor de mí en este momento. Ahora voy a arbitrar unos juegos de basquet en otra ciudad, una muy lujosa, pero no me da miedo porque son chiquitas. El día está rico y por la noche iremos a bailar salsa en Cleveland. Me queda mucho trabajo, pero en este momento solamente quiero escribir, compartir mis pensamientos y sentimientos.

Recientemente he leído un pedazo de un libro que se llama "Los Siete Niveles de la Intimidad" de un autor que se llama Matthew Kelly. Es muy bueno y me hace pensar en como estoy arreglando mi vida. Habla sobre la inhabilidad de la gente de portarse bien con los que no entienden sus valores y morales. Si unos dos no están de acuerdo sobre estos asuntos no se puede sobrevivir hasta el final. En un momento u otro alguien va a irse, y posiblemente no la va a poder explicar, porque estas cosas son esenciales de uno mismo. Están metidos al corazón igual que el amor que tiene uno para una persona bien importante en la vida, como la mamá o el papá. Entonces hay que seguir adelante en estos casos. No debemos meternos en una situación que nos empujaría a salir de nuestro codo de morales y valores. Al final estaríamos solamente muy tristes y desesperados. En este momento de un modo quiero salir de este sitio, y ¡qué suerte! Ya me voy a Francia para pasar una semana con algunos de mis amigos mejores, y iremos desde Marseille y Aix-en-Provence hasta París. No puedo esperar y por suerte y por la bondad de Dios tengo el dinero y la energía para hacerlo.

Mucho más para contar, y lo siento de nuevo que no he estado bien puesto a este blog, pero en el futuro quiero seguir más metido a ella. Me gusta mucho escribir y si alguno de ustedes capta una idea buena de ella, me gustaría que me avises. Ahorita voy a jugar un poco con las niñas que jugarán el destacado juego de basquet!

Cuídense mucho...

Esta época

Hay veces en la vida de uno, en que no podemos ver hacia adelante, en las cuales solamente se permite pensar en el momento, en el instante y no hasta el fondo, lo profundo que todavía queda escondido. En este momento me siento así entre mundos, que en el momento me parece que he fallado, que la vida me ha traído un buen regalo, un don que debía de haber entretenido y sí me dio alegría, pero que no sé que habrá en la vida luego. Vine aquí para estudiar e intentar descubrir lo que hay dentro de mí. Queda mucho escondido en mi espíritu y en el corazón. También me queda mucho restante para aprender y ni puedo imaginar cuánto profundo es todo esto. Ahora ni puedo escribir bien en español porque quiero expresarme de un modo en lo cual solamente puedo en inglés. Espero que me entiendan....

No puedo escribir más ahorita...

Sleep does not come easily to the active mind, to the tortured soul, to the lonely heart...so here I sit writing my thoughts as they come. I listen to Gravedigger by Dave Matthews Band, a dark tune that speaks to the permanence of death, but at the same time how we each see the possibility of an afterlife of some sort, and that hence we need to have enough space to feel the rain through our coffin.

The afterlife does not frighten me, rather it is this life that gives me pause. This is the difficult step in our existence, to follow God in His paths on this earth where there appear so many other more appealing options, where we can make our own will the ruling force in our lives and supposedly create and control our own happiness. If only it were so easy....the truth lies somewhere closer to the reality that the moment we let go of our own will, and conform it to the will of God as best we can interpret according to our hearts placed in Him, then and only then will we find happiness. I laugh at the quote from St. Augustine which states, "Lord, make me chaste, but not yet!" for isn't this how we often give our wills to Christ? Here you are Lord, this isn't everything, but I will give the rest to you in a little bit. I of course have no room to criticize Augustine for he ultimately attained sainthood, and alas we are still but sinners living in a broken world.

The beauty of this life though, is that it can be beautiful and good...If we are willing to give up everything, we can receive everything, for God wants nothing more than to fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. He and only He knows what they are, for we can only catch glimpses, and can speak with no certainty on the topic. Imagine how much more joy we could have in this world if only we would give up our wills, and let this reflect in our daily lives! We would always be there for one another, sharing and aiding, and always looking to the best of the other. There is a beauty here though, that cannot be realized completely in this fallen world, and that we will only see in the next. Let us then try as we can, with the promise of its realization on the other side, to build it here, and in the process to draw nearer to God, and thereby experience all the joy with which he wants to fill our hearts.

I love you all, and want you to know that I will be there for you as much as I can. May God bless you, and may He always bring you to my mind in prayer. In Him I remain...

Unamuno

"My religion is to seek for truth in life and for life in truth, even knowing that I shall not find them while I live." (No lo puedo encontrar en español, Wikipedia)

Me sorprende mucho la vida de Miguel de Unamuno que fue un gran luchador por la verdad en sus escrituras y también en el España donde vivía y peleaba contra las fuerzas de la República y también las de Franco. En su mente nadie quería lo bueno para España, solamente querían olvidar de cómo va la vida. Y aunque aun él opinaba que la vida es difícil, y a veces ni se puede dirigir uno por la incapacidad de encontrar un razón por hacerlo, hay que vivir la vida, hay que luchar para la verdad. Por lo menos para los que no pueden entender la realidad como es, y necesitan la inspiración de la gente que la entiende y que puede compartirla con todos.

Me gustaría tener lo de arriba, pero hasta el momento no lo tengo en español...lo buscaré...

The end of something beautiful; The start of something good

Though there are times in our lives when we think we have it all figured out, when everything in a particular situation seems to fall into place--we feel at home, loved, wanted, and content--this is not always a sign that eternity lies therein. Or rather, these sentiments and emotions, though good and at times even very strong do not necessarily lead us to our ultimate destiny. These sentiments are purely the realm of the heart, and thus are easily led by feelings of joy and utter contentment, but destiny is the realm of the mind and the heart, such that both are in accord with what they desire for the future. As is said in theology, and likely in other authoritative places, we must be ruled by neither mind alone nor heart alone, but rather by God working through the union of the two. When one is driven and the other abandoned, it can lead to feelings of being lost, floating somewhere with an uncertain purpose, or on the other hand going a hundred miles an hour in an unknown direction. We humans have difficulty reconciling the two, and this is yet another place where we need to let God in. This can explain then why we cannot sit and say, "God show me where to go, I'm not going to do anything, but you should really show me my path." But neither can we find happiness by saying, "God you may have your plan and opportunities that you want to present to me for my life, but I don't need them--all I need is me." Neither is fulfilling, and neither is the right path.

The frustrating part is that there is no clear-cut path for how to manage ourselves in this fallen world. And this is why we are sometimes led to the described "beautiful things" in life, which may or may not fit with what we understood before. I believe these things are to be enjoyed, for they often bring to our hearts the joy that we have been seeking in our lives, but we must also let the mind in and seek to understand how this "beautiful thing" fits in with the rest of our lives. With our goals and dreams, and previously established realities. For if we define the "good" as that which gives us the most freedom, that which allows us to truly love and be truly loved, then we must let both in. We must listen to our hearts and our minds.

Our heart may tell us that something this beautiful may never come again, but the mind counters by saying it is better to leave it. It is better for everyone concerned as it stands right now, and besides only God can know what is to come down the road. Maybe someday the beautiful thing may become the good thing. But all in good time, and with both heart and mind firmly placed in God. Here I am Lord...I trust in You.

Let go...

It occurs to me that it is not to us the pursuits of men, but rather of the men themselves. To those whom the Lord has given the ability to see, well from them is expected much greater things than the humble accomplishments that can be made in this world. Yes they are necessary and valuable, but they are not eternally fulfilling. Maybe this is why some people have a gravity about them that draws so many in, that they have allowed the Lord to so permeate their very souls that He touches people through them, just as He healed the woman through His cloak. And yet I must return to the reality that it is not these people, these servants of God, that we should attach ourselves to, but rather to the God that we find within them. For all things of this world will pass away, and if our castles are built here, they will one day amount to nothing. Even if the world does not come to an end in our lifetime, our castles will be useless to us after our period here is over. This is a transient place, people die every day, and the joy and pain of life is never-ending. Therefore let us focus on the joy, let us find God in all things and let His joy shine through us, that through others coming into contact with us, we change their hearts, and we thereby change the world. Come with me on this journey, let not your fears hold you back, but let God show you His path for your life. No matter where you are live every moment for Him, for He is the only one who can eternally satisfy. Let our lives be looking glasses to the life of Christ and all that He did for us, that others may find the peace and wisdom that lies within Christianity, and the deeper understanding for the reasons for this world. Let us stop denying that Christ ever lived, or that we are not all of the same eternal heritage, let us come together on an even field and worship the God who made our lives possible. Let us share His good news with all those we meet, and when necessary use words!

For truly, and only then, will our hearts rest when they rest in You Lord God my Savior. And so I say, and I entreat you all to join, "Here I am Lord, I trust in You!"

Friends...

For those of you to whom I have been lacking in my devotion over the past several weeks, my sincere apologies. I love you all dearly, but as you well know sometimes life brings us challenges and new thoughts and different ways of viewing the world that we were not prepared for, and which take time and absence from society to process. Though areas remain to be ironed out, I believe I am starting to come full circle on all of this. Unfortunately I cannot go into detail, but know that I am trying my best to find my way in this crazy life, and that I am learning from the trials and the victories therein contained.

To you, then I owe my greatest thanks. You who have been there at every corner and in every new place that I have gone to. You always make life more worth living and make ensure that I am still following the path that I need to follow, to ultimately find true happiness in the Lord. True freedom is sacrificing all that you have, being willing to give it all up for your friends to the greater glory of God. My problem is that I give to anyone, and that I need to be more loving towards those of you who have always been there for me, and who have asked me to serve an important role in your lives. If I could be there right next to you, and aid you more immediately, you know that I would, but my path has never been one that stays in one place. I believe that God has given me the blessing of an unsatisfied spirit in order to achieve great things in His name. I look forward to opportunities that are developing to teach in Latin America, and maybe to aid in a project seeking to re-build earthquake-ridden parts of Perú. I then may return to the seat of my most recent inspiration to life in Christ in El Salvador. These then may guide me down the right path, so that I may find what it is that God ultimately wants for my life.

Reflections then: how often do we spend time alone with God? How often do we listen to the yearnings deep within our own hearts? How often do we go to mass, confession, or seek which other sacrament may next be necessary in our lives? Better said, how much is God a part of our every waking and even sleeping moments? We should seek to draw ourselves ever closer to Him and His heart, for therein we discover the desires of our own, and make possible the achievement of our greatest happiness.

Though it can be restricting at times, the Church and all of its many doctrines, traditions, and other teachings exist to keep us close to Him. To give us inspiration through experience of the lives of others holier than ourselves, to learn of rules and regulations that we may want to impose on ourselves to be able to draw nearer to Him. Careful with guilt though, it is important to repent for our sins, but do not let it destroy you. We all fall, and guilt can lead us to the confessional, or back to those we have harmed to seek forgiveness, but after this we must let it go. We must move on with our lives however warped we are by our sins, and push toward the ideals that God sets out for us, each of us individually in our own lives. As someone wise once said, bring glory to God in whatever you are doing, whether ruling a country as king, or picking up the trash, do it all in the light of God's saving kingdom. Know that your work is not in vain, but builds up the kingdom on earth, until one day we can go home to our Maker and continue singing the joy that we have found throughout our lives!

Hoy día quiero exponer un asunto que me ha molestado por tanto tiempo, que no puedo evitar de pensar solamente en el momento. Entonces que cada vez me pongo aun más profundamente bajo las influencias de la gente que me rodea. Así que a veces ni imagino cómo serán las cosas fuera de la situación en que estoy envuelto. Ahorita considero vagar por el mundo, dejando todo lo anterior atrás o mejor llevando solamente las experiences y las relaciones conmigo. No sé qué quiero hacer al final, pero en este momento estudio para maestría y en el próximo quién puede saber lo que me vendrá. Posiblemente me llevará hasta el fin del mundo. En este momento reflexiono sobre irme a Chile para enseñar clases en la universidad por allá. También sobre volver a El Salvador y la gente de allá para enseñar de nuevo y pasar más tiempo con los salvadoreños tan llenos de fe. Es posible que vaya a Europa para visitar a mi amiga en Francia, y de ella a España, Alemania o Rusia. Las cosas se les arreglarán, pero es que no puedo esperarlas porque ni tengo paciencia para poder hacerlo.

Hay que pensar fuera del momento, hay que soñar, hay que experimentar lo cuanto que hay lejos de tu puerta, que hay otros mundos para explorar y en que debes dormir en la calle. Debes comer de todo, caminar por todo, cantar en la esquina de una ciudad italiana, sembrar en las chacras de Latinoamérica, tomar el vodka de Rusia, pasear por las montañas de Suiza, ni sé qué más hay para hacer en esta vida demasiada corta.

Viva, vivan, cante, canten, y así encontrarás tu vida!!!

Mo(u)rning

I have a strange fixation for the different periods of the day. In my younger days the night was my time, a period in which I could feel comfortable and accomplish much, but now I have become a man of the morning. I enjoy getting up early and getting a lot done. Today my alarm did not go off, and when I looked at the clock it said 6am, so I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Well little did I know, but we had lost power during the night, and so when I could not fall asleep, and looked at my phone I realized it was 9am and I had to go! Still, had it been a few years earlier I would have easily slept until 11am, but as it is I enjoy the fact that I still wake up early.

This is not what I want to say though, for behind every deceptively simple morning of our lives lies something deeper, a deeper yearning, feelings and emotions that we cannot fully comprehend or understand. Such is the nature of my life right now, that emotions flow through me, and I want to heed them and follow where they lead, but my mind stops my advance. When can we be sure? When can all of our doubts be assuaged and our fears be taken away? I don't know that this is ever possible, and hence the difficulty of life becomes choosing in the absence of absolute knowledge as to what we are to do or what will bring us joy.

At this point in life I cannot know what this is, and by the time we know exactly what we want we are too old to get it. Maybe it is better to chase down all the paths until we arrive at a place in which we find contentment. Maybe I have found it already and need to acknowledge this reality. Maybe the world still lies open to my pursuit and I need to go out and explore it to the fullest. This desire inside me, to go, to seek, to become a vagabond will live inside me and die if I do not heed it. And yet, what is more important? And what is more important to me? What is most loving for me to do at this point in my life, both toward me and toward the one I love? How can one decide?

How much is love worth? Interesting that all these things would arrive around St. Valentine's Day. I assure you that all will be most well. No matter where you find yourself too, God is watching out for us all and taking care of all the things that are out of our hands. We have only to put our hearts in Him and seek the deepest desires of our hearts!

The summer

I should have informed you all as to my plan for the blog...as it turns out there will be both Spanish speakers and English speakers reading, and so from here on out I will alternate the language of my posts, both for the benefit of both audiences and for the propagation of my learning of Spanish, etc.

Today I mentioned to my professor from Madrid, Spain that my name "Timoteo" in Spanish means "honoring God" and that this can be noted by the "-teo" suffix, which is a fairly clear reference to God "theos" or something along these lines. She went on to say that "timo" can come from the verb "timar" which means to "swindle" or "rip off" and so I guess I should not get into etymological discussions with my professors if I can avoid them.

As to the stated topic of this post, I am extremely endebted to Kelly Washbourne and Roberto Pizarro for the help they have lent in making my summer dreams begin to come to formulation. I am in kind of a stressful point right now, as I have decided to give final word on one possibility for the summer in a month and a half, and as of now I have nothing else on the table. The problem is that I cannot quite decide where I want to go. Colombia holds much intrigue and many connections for me and my brother Joe, and hence I would love to pass part of the summer in Bogotá, however I don't know how I would start getting myself established there unless I simply arrived and tried to find some work from there. I would like to try and continue teaching at the university/high school level, and then have this cover my expenses while at the same time taking some classes, working on translation jobs, and overall seeing what else is possible with my new career decision. My only thought is that I would like to spend this time abroad with someone else. Overseas experiences are never quite the same without someone with which to share them, and up to this point I have not yet found that person.

There are new possibilities popping up every day, all of which seem interesting and compelling. And yet the Lord tells me in prayer, when I am quiet and still enough, which is not often, that only one thing is needed. And Mary has chosen the better part. Lord please aid me in this quest, and I would appreicate the rest of your opinons as well.

Neruda

Me gusta tanto el título del trabajo q hizo él cuando estaba en México. Se llama Confieso que he Vivido y es una descripción linda de su experiencia en la tierra de los aztecas, de los mayas, de los mexicanos...traducimos un pedazo de la obra para la clase de traducción literaria, y la verdad es que no estoy seguro de me vaya a gustar esta clase. No es por las profesoras que son buenísimas, sino que la idea de traducir una obra de su lengua hasta mi lengua de una manera que mantiene los significados, el contenido, o cualquiera de las otras cosas que un traductor puede escoger parece muy difícil. Lo más difícil, supongo, sería enseñar una clase así, y por eso estoy muy agradecido a las profesoras que se han atrevido a esta hazaña.

Más esto quiero comentar sobre la idea que me encendió Neruda a través de sus memorias dentro de la obra descrita arriba. Pensaba antes que las circunstancias del mundo determinaba cómo desarrollaban las plantas, los animales y las otras cosas que tenemos que están pegados de alguna manera a una parte del mundo. Pero ahora a través de los pensamientos de Neruda, pienso que es también por el miedo que tenemos como humanos de experimentar algo nuevo. El autor habla sobre la ¨convencional frase diplomática¨ que supone que el mundo es universal, que no hay nada distinto en ninguna parte, que somos todos nosotros lo mismo. Pero no es así, ni quiere Neruda oír que alguien dice que sea así. A él y a mi nos gusta la idea de que el mundo es distinto en cada parte. Aunque a veces parece que tenemos las mismas cosas, seguro que son distintos por su manera de haberse formado o vendido o quién sabe?

Entonces, la idea que todo el mundo es el mismo, que ninguno de nosotros es algo particular, específico, significante, no me queda. Y va con el miedo. Porque si yo puedo imaginar que un otro país es en realidad lo mismo que mi país, no tengo que tener miedo de lo que me puede hacer a mi. Pero si acepto la realidad que es verdaderamente distinto, entonces tiene que cambiar mi punto de vista hacia el mundo. Y no quiero cambiar. Sé cómo vivir mi vida y estoy cómodo con ese modo. Este idea puede hacer que funcione bien una vida en que uno no tiene mucho aceso a viajar, pero si es posible, viajar es ampliar la mente, la capacidad para ideas, el punto de vista hacia el mundo. Todo cambia, y diría por lo mejor.

Sobre un asunto personal, sé que me falta mucho todavía para poder hablar español como lo quiero poder usar para comunicar. Pero en el momento lo que tengo tendrá que ser bastante para terminar con el programa y luego para manejarme en un país latino. La vida será como será, y normalmente pasan los momentos más importantes en las cosas que no escogemos ni habíamos esperado. La vida es mejor así, sin miedo y con todos los caminos abiertos para seguir explorando!!!!

El Salvador Reflection

It is an unhealthy tendency we sometimes have here in the States to claim that we have everything. We speak of poverty in other parts of the world, and how we can go about eradicating it, though we fail to recognize the poverty that we ourselves possess. Upon arriving to El Salvador I was half-prepared for a mob of overzealous people to overtake us and take from us what they needed. This may happen in certain cases, but under the care of Padre Rafa we encountered no problems and instead people whose material needs were great, though often went unacknowledged especially by them. Instead, friendship, family, and overall joy outshine the lack of these material things. In one week I drew closer to some of the Salvadorans than I am with people here in the States with whom I have worked for several months. They certainly know how to develop friendships...

Which need is more acute then? The needs that stem from material poverty or from relational poverty? For blessed are the poor, and from those in El Salvador, I learned even more deeply the value of things immaterial; the matters of the soul.