It seems that wherever I am the matters immediately at hand tend to dominate my mind. I suppose this is how I can be so intensely involved in my friendships wherever I am and then rapidly fail to keep in touch and leave a trail of people behind who have no clue what I am doing now. I try my best, but I don't know how to do it any differently. I love being spontaneous: up and going to both El Salvador and France in these past 5 months; exploring the possibility of relationships and friendships that I never would have tried for under any other circumstances. These are the things that inspire us to live and live more fully, to seek the greater things in life and not get caught up on the small things. Right now I sit at a university typing at a computer that I never could have conceptualized less than a year ago. A full year ago I was serving fast food at a great restaurant in my hometown and reffing basketball, and a year before that I suppose I was still working on the cruise ship. It has been a wild ride, but again I wouldn't want it any other way. This is why then I try all these different things here now at Kent State. I was recently elected Advocacy Chair for the Graduate Student Senate, a position that I ordinarily never would have applied for, but whose duties will teach me again how to work together, how to develop and evaluate grant proposals, and how to manage time between this, my classes, my teaching, and my refereeing.
I am thoroughly convinced that I am crazy, but I could not be more grateful for it. I went for a good 2 hour bike-ride throughout Kent and the surrounding area this afternoon and I feel like a million dollars. I am in the perfect mood to blog because I am writing without thinking, pure stream of consciousness that I can later go back and read and say, "What the heck was I (not) thinking?"
At this point in the evening I have the opportunity to go out with a couple of different groups of people, but I would much rather check in with those I love and care about and go to bed. I plan to write more on France when the inspiration comes, but for the movement, we'll leave it at this: it was a life-changing experience in its every facet, and I look anxiously forward to the world-trip, which will revive again this desire to live and live deliberately, deeply, and fully! Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, but I refuse and will not cave to anything that makes me feel so unnecessarily!!! I will fight desperation with passion and love for life. So help me God!
2 comments:
Read through your past three posts and this is my very short commentary, written at equally lucid hours as I woke-up not too long ago. Anyway, I think there's a lot of worth to rightfully getting pulled in to the people and events of where you are. I realize for you, this is already your tendency, but it's good in many ways because we're meant to live right now, and not necessarily in some constructed digital world of past pining or future dreaming. (I tend for the latter.) I think it says a lot about the health of where you're living now that you have things and people that compel you and draw you away- that is not always the case in life. Anyway, I do look forward to if you can ever put your finger on the lessons from the span of your time in France, but I'm guessing it'll be tricky when the sights, people, feelings and changes were so elaborately intertwined. You yourself are likely still trying to sort it all out, let alone paint a picture for us. But, I think you'll be glad if you take the time to do so.
Tim -
"Is it odd or is it God?" rapidly runs through my mind after reading this post.
Prior to reading this, I completed a lengthy email to you regarding your pictures from France. Once you read my thoughts, I think you'll agree the Holy Spirit is definitely dwelling within both of our hearts tonight.
"Keep on rockin' in the free world," my friend! You're an ABUNDANTLY rich young man ... in spirit and zest for LIFE! Continue to allow to live your life like a sponge ... soaking up every single opportunity with PASSION that the dear Lord presents freely and unconditionally to you!
Take care and continue to live life radically and "on the edge!"
Slainte!
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