Mo(u)rning

I have a strange fixation for the different periods of the day. In my younger days the night was my time, a period in which I could feel comfortable and accomplish much, but now I have become a man of the morning. I enjoy getting up early and getting a lot done. Today my alarm did not go off, and when I looked at the clock it said 6am, so I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Well little did I know, but we had lost power during the night, and so when I could not fall asleep, and looked at my phone I realized it was 9am and I had to go! Still, had it been a few years earlier I would have easily slept until 11am, but as it is I enjoy the fact that I still wake up early.

This is not what I want to say though, for behind every deceptively simple morning of our lives lies something deeper, a deeper yearning, feelings and emotions that we cannot fully comprehend or understand. Such is the nature of my life right now, that emotions flow through me, and I want to heed them and follow where they lead, but my mind stops my advance. When can we be sure? When can all of our doubts be assuaged and our fears be taken away? I don't know that this is ever possible, and hence the difficulty of life becomes choosing in the absence of absolute knowledge as to what we are to do or what will bring us joy.

At this point in life I cannot know what this is, and by the time we know exactly what we want we are too old to get it. Maybe it is better to chase down all the paths until we arrive at a place in which we find contentment. Maybe I have found it already and need to acknowledge this reality. Maybe the world still lies open to my pursuit and I need to go out and explore it to the fullest. This desire inside me, to go, to seek, to become a vagabond will live inside me and die if I do not heed it. And yet, what is more important? And what is more important to me? What is most loving for me to do at this point in my life, both toward me and toward the one I love? How can one decide?

How much is love worth? Interesting that all these things would arrive around St. Valentine's Day. I assure you that all will be most well. No matter where you find yourself too, God is watching out for us all and taking care of all the things that are out of our hands. We have only to put our hearts in Him and seek the deepest desires of our hearts!