Blogging

I regret to say that I think I have misunderstood the concept of blogging. I initially ventured into the blogosphere as a means for expressing my thoughts for all to see and hear. At the very first I suppose this was a means for me to share with the family back home the experiences in Peru and other assorted places to which I have had the opportunity to travel over the years. I never intended to develop a readership, nor advertise on this site, nor do anything that would in any way benefit me, whether financially or in terms of self-esteem. I do not know that I went into it with the wrong ideas in my head, or whether perhaps some of the other writers in the blogosphere have it wrong. What am I to do? I wonder as to making money at a trade that consists of converting one set of words to another set of words, only that the first set is unintelligible to the readers of the second set, and vice-versa. I suppose it is only that I have a hard time financing my life with work done purely on a computer, and work whose effect I hardly ever get a chance to see. I have a high respect for the freelance translator who does nothing more than translate, and I also cannot understand sometimes how we can benefit financially from something that we compose in our minds and throw up on the internet. Should we benefit from such things? I feel at times as though everything in this world is going a hundred miles an hour and I cannot slow down to enjoy one instant of this rapidly passing time. I have these moments where I vent, center, and then move on to live life once again, but I don't know that it is possible to truly live a life of continuity that does not at some point require a stopping and a reorientation to what I want out of life.

Sometimes I pine for the simplicity of youth, for the days in which success was measured by the number of apples you could gather from the orchard, or how long you could stay in the mud-pit that you deemed a lake in the back pasture. When did life become so complicated, and why? I have been fortunate to experience many things in my young life, and I know that they are all combining to lead to a fulfilling adult life, but I cannot yet make the leap. It is as if I am stuck in neutral, and am waiting for that push that will allow the engine to start and life to continue in the way that I have both dreamed and imagined it!

Christmas is a wonderful time to be home with family and friends, and I truly cherish every moment. I wish that days could be as simple as this, and I suppose that this is always an option. To settle down right next door to mom and dad and work and live life in this way, but my heart calls me onward to something more. I yearn to return to El Salvador and Cuba and to go across the world! My heart is restless for adventures that can be neither expressed nor read in written words. I long to feel alive again, to experience fulfillment in my heart by giving to someone else on the other side of the world. By climbing that mountain, by not waiting to achieve the dreams that I have dreamed! I want to wait no longer, I need to do this. My heart is ready, and in short order so will be my circumstances.

Writing

You ever have those days when the words seem to flow in all that you do, you sit down to journal over that first cup of coffee and the words literally leap onto the page? The mind is racing so fast that neither the hand, nor the keys on the keyboard can keep up with all the things that you have to say! And then the day moves on and the ideas slow down to the pace of your hands, and then fade to the point that the mind can no longer keep up with the hands. There is this window of time, at least for me in which writing flows and goes and I do not question what I write, but later reflect on it and find insight in what I wrote. Sometimes I think it is like that comedy in which Homer gives a wonderful presentation or platform for some political campaign, wins, and then wakes up from the coma and asks what happened. Writing is sometimes like this, that you cannot control or regulate it when it comes but must allow yourself to be the lightning rod by which it flows onto the page or computer screen. I wish that so many things in life could be more explicitly explained, put into a box and sold, but this is not one of them. This is a gift from God, the ability to allow your body to be an extension of the mind that lives and breathes and contemplates within us, ever refining the thoughts that sometimes shoot out like this, that fill the page, that form the static that we must wade through every day of our lives, or the words of wisdom that free us from the chains of bondage, or enlighten us to try another way, to seek something new. Words are the most powerful instrument in the world, if they are well strung. Like a piece of music that can uplift or destroy our resolve, such power do words have as well, and I want to let them flow, want them to take on lives of their own and inspire each one of you to live to your greatest potential and to never let go of the dreams that first inspired you to do anything in this life. No dream is too crazy, we always have hope no matter how hopeless the situation may seem, and above all have no fear! BE NOT AFRAID! All fear will do is prevent us from reaching our fullest potential in this life. And each one of us can achieve so much if we just let our gifts flow and give them where they are needed. Let us use each day to help us better understand how we may take up this role in the world! And if you ever need words of inspiration, you know where to look!

End of Finals Week

Fatigue and confusion threaten to overcome me at the end of what has been a whirlwind past couple of weeks. I still have much to do, including grading the volumes of student exams that remain in my possession. After administering them this afternoon, there was both the levity of the end, and the weight of grading them that still bears on my mind. And yet I suppose that the end has come for the time in which we had opportunity to give our all, to learn, to discover and to implement the new skills we gained. Is the real world truly this way? Do we simply cram things into our minds long enough to pass an exam and then promptly forget it all? I question the nature of our education. Perhaps there are some, even many that can learn in this environment, but I find it toxic to my own learning. I learn of course, and these thoughts are by no means a reflection on the quality of my professors, whose gifts continue to impress me more by day. I am left simply reeling at the sheer volume of work that those in academia are expected to process and produce. I struggle to organize myself long enough to endure a semester. Is it the nature of this school only? Or is this the nature of academia across the country? Are all people so divorced from society and their own personal lives due to the time required to be a good professor/instructor/graduate student?

My mind is still a mess with regard to all of this, and I think it will take some time for me to get my bearings. Sleep would be a good place to start. But I simply wanted to throw out some questions at this moment. I suppose that I have benefited quite a bit from the system, which may take some of the wind from my sails, insofar as I cannot very well critique something from which I have gained so much. Education I will say and always will defend is a great opportunity, a gift that we should all treasure. For truly, our knowledge is one of those intangibles that can never be taken from us, that remains despite any action committed against our bodies or any other part of our physical reality. At the same time, are there better ways of educating ourselves?

I wonder at the difference in education across the world and the type of students and individuals created as a result. Certainly scare tactics and indoctrination are not the best course for education, however I know plenty of people, born and raised outside the United States, who know the geography of North America better than I could have ever imagined was possible for a student in the US, much less for someone from the other side of the world. What are we seeking though? Wealth? Hope for a better life? At what cost...that of someone else's poverty, or the loss of our lives and relationships because we lose that fragile balance that allows us to work hard and yet maintain friends and relationships. What is life truly about? Why are we here? Is it true that we make ourselves? And if so, how is this done?

I am intrigued as ever, by the answers that Christianity has to offer. I believe that in the absence of Christian ideals for which to strive, life offers little other than banalities to distract us from the fact that we have no direction in life. Only endless pursuits of temporal things that will not last beyond this life. What do you want your life to be for? How do you want to spend the finite amount of time you are given upon this earth, in this world, this existence in a vast, glorious and beautiful universe.

Choose wisely, and this life can be fulfilling for you and those around you. And always ask questions, for they lead us to the truth that governs all, and shows the path to true freedom, and thereby true contentment in this crazy world.

Merry Christmas! Go home and spend time with those you love. You deserve it and so do they. And thank God for all that He has given you. For no matter how little or much you have, you are blessed in that you live. In that you have the opportunity to make a difference in this world, in that your life could count for something, could mean something, could change the world. Fear not, and follow your heart, and let your life be phenomenal!

The day everything made sense...

And then...everything made sense. I understood what I needed to do to be effective in my teaching. Something clicked, by the grace of God. For the first time in a long time, I enjoyed teaching a class. I realize that the method that I had been using before had been usurping my abilities as a teacher, and that I teach better by another way. Yes there is a way that we are supposed to teach department wide, but it also requires adaptation to each individual instructor.

Most likely I am having a very good day, that will later come crashing down on me, but for the time being I am enjoying myself and look forward to a trip to the airport this afternoon. I sometimes forget how much I am impacted by the energy of those around me, and despite the fact that part of the class was boring today, I feel that the students actually grasped what in the world we were doing, for we have embarked on one of the more difficult topics - the subjunctive of the Spanish language.

Despite the fact that there are days in which I wish I had never come here, I realize that I am learning so many good things and gaining so much positive experience that will serve me well in the future, or I should say rather, will serve the path on which I am going. Thank you Lord for such a glorious day! I do not doubt that you have granted it in response to my continual prayers, and I call on you all to talk to our Lord, communicate with Him, speak to Him about your life, but more importantly listen, and He will lead you in His ways, which we cannot always understand, but will ultimately lead us to the most fulfilling lives we could possibly have on the face of this earth.

I am so inspired to write again, and I do not doubt that it is because I have made the Lord a priority once again in my life. God is great, all the time, and we all need to remember this always, for in giving him the appropriate praise and thanksgiving, He will return to us a million-fold. Have faith, the Lord is with you.

Retreat

Retreat literally means to get away, to seclude ourselves, and in our sense of the term here, it means to do so with a group of people, centering ourselves around a deeper understanding of the Truth that flows from God. And this is what we did this past weekend, making prayer, or communication with our Lord, the focus of our efforts. The introduction to and practice of new prayer forms did much for my understanding of what prayer is, but more importantly I learned the significance of and need for emphasis that we need to put on prayer in our lives. Everything we do, consider, discuss, should stem from our prayer lives. As true Christians and followers of God, nothing should stem from our own self-controlling will, but rather work in cooperation with what God is showing us in our lives; ever informed by our lives of prayer.

I cannot stress how important prayer is to all of our decisions and to our ultimate discovery of happiness, or our falling into despair. It is amazing how the practices that do not necessarily work against God, but do nothing positive for our bodies and persons lead us steadily away from what it means to be a true follower of Christ. Nothing should ever stand between us and our seeking this relationship. It should not matter where we are or what we have to accomplish, this always has to take priority, and I think that letting go of our ideas of controlling our lives is an important step in this process. If not we are likely to take the position that we here in the States so often do: "I don't have time!" Make time! For if we do not make time for God, neither are we making time for ourselves. For only God can know what will fulfill us in this life, even as much as we think we ourselves know how it should be. We do not!

This does not mean that we sit down on the ground and say, "God tell me what to do with my life!" No, rather it means that we develop our prayer lives and hence our relationship to Him, we set aside time by going to Mass or church service and grow our knowledge and understanding of him through discussion, Bible study, and catechism. Then we live our lives, following our hearts and our informed consciences, and the eternal spirit that lives within us will guide us in the ways of God, because our person has been filled up and informed on God, and the eternal spirit that lives within us can work in harmony with the body, heart, and mind that make up the rest of our personhood.

God is great, and gives us so many good things and so many clear signs. It is certainly high time that I accept what He has called me to in my own life, surrendering my will to His, in the knowledge that He knows the desires of my heart, and that my heart, my mind, my entire person, will not rest until it rests in Him.

I pray that you would all open your lives to the Word of God, and the words God has to share with you in prayer. Be always willing to serve Him, no matter what He calls you to. For we cannot know where to find joy, other than in Him, and if we take joy in seeking to follow Him, it will not matter what we do, for we will have Him always to sustain us and bring fulfillment to our lives!

Finding the way...

It's been a while since I have offered a reflection or an insight into my life on this forum, or I guess I should say on this online journal. There has not been time, nor inspiration lately. Yet I must admit that I have not been completely faithful to the things in my life that are of the greatest importance, and for that I am deeply sorry. Put the Lord first and the rest will fall into place. So I have learned over this past week.

There are always frustrations in grad school, but I have felt especially frustrated, especially "lost" in translation; however I have learned again, as our Lord has always so subtly and yet clearly reminded me, of the importance of prayer. Prayer has a centering effect, the action draws you to engage the Lord in relationship, to share with Him the deepest thoughts that have entered your mind, and upon leaving to realize that everything you do is for Him. This takes the pressure off, for the Lord wants us to do our best, but we know that He will love us regardless of the outcome. Should we find success, we know that He will be right there with us, joyful in our joy. Should we fall, he will be right there beside us, consoling and inspiring to get back up and try again.

It is easy to let things get out of perspective in this hectic life. Sometimes I wish I had more of an imposition of the contemplative life, but without our own decision-making, one does not just end up with a deep, contemplative life. It is practice and surrender, opening one's heart and mind to the Lord and not being afraid of what will come. Fear as I have reflected on many times is the paralysis of the human person; Pope John Paul II repeated the words of Jesus over and over to the world, "Be not afraid". Be not afraid because you can, be not afraid because you cannot, be not afraid because you will, be not afraid because you will not.

I have always loved the quote, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength". And it is so true. I can endure translation. I can speak to the world, to students, parishioners, and Catholics alike, about prayer, life, hope, patience, love, and peace. For through the Lord's help I have come to experience them in my own life, and now I am charged with the privilege of sharing this with others. All who hear and heed the call of God are called to this mission. Let us go, without fear, and do God's work, in this world who so desperately needs what He has to give to those who come to Him.

Lost in translation

For a while I thought that the above was only the title of a confusing and not very enjoyable movie starring Bill Murray, then in studying the topic here at Kent State I realize how much truth is contained in the maxim, but never did I think that the phrase would apply to my own life. Everything I have ever known has changed, and I often think it is for the better, but life is one of those things whose progress we cannot well evaluate when we are in the middle of it. Here in Kent there are so many opportunities, and yet I only feel driven to pursue very few. The classes are interesting, but not inspiring; the inspiration comes when the tools are used to communicate with those Spanish-speakers that I encounter: at the clinic, at the church, in El Salvador, and in Cuba. Life is too short I believe to spend all of our lives working, and perhaps this is why I so much struggle with my stay here. I know that I am learning, but in a way that I would prefer not to learn, in a way that is comparable to shoving food down the throat as opposed to enjoying its flavor and consistency as it falls and fulfills the cravings of the stomach.

One can say that it is only two years, but when you're twenty-four, this is a life-time. It is one-twelfth of my existence, one-twelfth that will surely help me in the future, but one-twelfth that I will struggle through while I am here. I want only to find peace, to find my place and learn where I need go to bring faith, hope, and love to the world. Language is important, but here we learn not even that. We learn systems to categorize our languages, software to capture and alter them, strategies to tear them apart and build them back up again. Granted this is not true for all, but it is one way of looking at translation. My mind falls back on the idea of "traduttore, tradittore" and as with most things, there is a degree of truth in this. What are we as translators? We do perform our own work, use our own strategies, but only based on the work of others. We are a third-party in the act of communication, rarely formulating our own message, but instead ensuring the accurate transmission of someone else's words.

I do not mean to denounce the profession, for I think it in many ways noble, I only offer these perspectives in order that someone else might share their somewhat different way of viewing what I have here described. This for me is a breaking out of my months of silence to express myself once again. I hope that this can be a forum in which we discuss our differing views of the world and thereby gain insight into what we are called to do in it.

For right now, I can only describe myself as lost in translation....

Kent, OH

It is somewhat strange to be back in Kent, OH. There is so much the same, and yet everything different. In some ways I want it back the way it was, with all the people who were once here, living in the place where I lived before; but things have changed, and I am excited for what the future will bring. There is always some level of apprehension when starting something again anew. I felt it every time I started another year at Iowa State, and it comes to me again. It is always most acute when we separate from those dearest to us, and for me that took place this morning in parting with my father who made the long trip back to Illinois. There is something to be discovered inside of us when we consider how we react to situations such as these. I tend to have intense feelings of excitement, accompanied by intense feelings of loneliness. It is dangerous and somewhat scary to cast off on your own, and thanks be to God, this time I am not alone, since I have good friends here to spend time with, and let the pangs of homesickness and longing for the past subside. And I guess there is something to brutal honesty for me when it comes to these things. Instead of keeping it all pent up inside, I would rather that the whole world knew that I am struggling inside, struggling perhaps with some of the same things that you endure in your own life, but that the world tells us must be extracted from our souls. Cut out until we feel no pain anymore and can adapt to any change as if it were nothing.

The unknown always tends to bring apprehension, and this move back to Kent is no exception. There are a lot of known factors here, but not all, as this year could bring just about anything. But along with the apprehension there is joy that this inspires as well. Joy at knowing that this year could bring a new discovery, a new journey, a new friend, a deepening of an old friendship. I am excited about my new roommate who returns from his summer tour of Germany and Italy. I am excited about having my own apartment, my own place in the world. I am excited for all the new adventures that this new year could bring with the Church, the graduate student senate, teaching, learning, refereeing, conferences, interpreting, and all the other things that this new year will entail.

Just like anyone else, I sometimes find myself longing for the past, but push forward to a future that I know will turn just as it is supposed to. There is always hope. For we have our Lord to show us the way to His Truth. And this is especially good because there is as currently no electricity in my apartment because I forgot to call and have it changed to my name! Oh well! C'est la vie! I love you all and want you to know that I care for you deeply and thank you for all that you have contributed to my life. Without you I would not be where I am today. I would not be asking the questions I am asking, and seeking the way that I know I will find to the fulfillment of my life. Live greater, it is our calling...

Friendship

If I have not written an entry under this title already, it has fallen under some other classification. I thank God every day for the friends that I have, and for the quality of my friendships. Friends truly help us through every trial, every difficult moment, and are always there to share the joys that may come in our lives. The Lord is to be thanked for every friend who has the patience to sit and try to understand what we are going through in our lives, and to help us to see the truth that lies at the heart of every situation in which we struggle. Without my friends, I would not be the person I am today, and tonight I was so fortunate to get to spend time with a good number of them all at once. Mike has been a great friend and inspiration to me, and he hosted a gathering of old friends and new, ones who have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and others that I am only beginning to come to know. There is something to levels in our relationships, and God has given each of us the ability to relate on so many different levels. Everyone can meet us at a different level, and I assure you that satisfaction, joy, and freedom are to be found in seeking that person with which you can share all things without ever feeling that you somehow need to hold back. Seek out that friend, and probe them, ask them questions, challenge them, and if they can take everything that you dish out, treasure them, stay in touch, always make the effort, for they have shown that they are willing to do as much for you. They will help guide you through the dark alleys of your life, which are sure to come. We are but sinners, and each one of us is destined to fall at some point. But there is always good in every situation, and your friends are the ones who will help you to find the good, to see the truth, and to work your way onward in life.

Sometimes these things are hard to put into words, but there are people who will see you better than others. Perhaps you will find this among your family members, perhaps among old friends in whom you never recognized it before, or even in new people that you happen upon in the journey of life. Be always open to these relationships and God will show you much more than you ever could have imagined possible in your life. Yes it is possible to control this, to constrain your friend base to only those you think you like, or with whom you think you share interests, but sometimes the best of friends are found in the most unlikely of places. Remember that your oldest friends may see you the best, but that new ones also have insights that the old ones could never recognize in you. Be open to any new path that opens to you, and your life can take extraordinary new directions that will teach you new things you never expected to learn, but that will somehow play a part in the journey that you lead in this life. Life is about asking questions, always seeking, always pushing the envelope to find those things in life that make us come alive, that make our lives worth living, that at the very least make us want to get out of bed in the morning and live the wonderful gift of life that we have each been given.

My friends are what so often do this for me. I have come to realize that my life is based on my relationships, and I could not ask for better friends than the good Lord has granted me along the way. We work so well together, and I never planned it a bit. Look deeply into the people that surround you, and thank the Lord for what He has given you.

I want to thank Andy and Lindsey, Mike, Jenna, my brothers and father, my mother, and all others of you, you know who you are, who have helped and continue to help me along the way. I could not have made it this far without you, and you are a part of every single stage in my life, and I hope that I share similarly in the lives that you lead. Know that no matter how long it takes for us to get in touch, when we do the Lord will let the love that we share shine between us, and the glory of friendship be rekindled again. We each must seek out our own path, but if ever we get lonely, we have only to turn back to those we love to realize just how blessed we truly are. Thank you to those I have mentioned to all of you who have so touched me in my short life. I hope to thank all of you again in person each time that we have the chance to see each other again. Until then, may God bless and keep you, and hold you in the palm of His hand.

Time passes by....

I had the stunning realization today, that by December I will have gone half the distance between 20 and 30 years old. I remember when 30 was an age that I could never fathom turning, and now I come to see myself in a new light. I have been given many gifts and I could have easily followed any number of roads with fixed destinations, but I have wanted none of these. Now as I approach what some may consider "middle-age" (perhaps I exaggerate) I have to face the fact that I am not as young as I once was, and my age will catch up with my idealism at some point. Do not get me wrong, I would never choose to go back, and I am still capable of quite a lot in my time on this earth, that is as long as the good Lord allows me to dwell here, but I am beginning to realize my mortality and the coming of age in a very real way, and want to be ready for each time as it comes.

Up to today, I have lived life somewhat recklessly, with no consideration sometimes for the path of havoc and craziness that I leave behind, but today, I realize that it is important to invest along the way. We truly need one another, for if we find ourselves alone and unhappy at the end of all this, what have our lives been for? Still, although we are beckoned in to the secure jobs that offer insurance, health-care, retirement funds, and sick leave, what if we don't? What if we say no? What if we choose to live differently, and seek out what lies in our hearts and attempt to realize it in our lives? However this does not remove us from the need that we have to stay in touch, to reach out to those closest to us, and to all others that we encounter along the way in love and thanksgiving. God is very good in the life that He allows us the opportunity to live, but it is short, and we truly do have very little time to share the love and the riches of the lives that we possess. Would that we would all have the courage to live an examined life, seeking what lies in the depths of our hearts, and go after it with all our might! For if we do not, life may run its course and we will find ourselves forever lodged in a moment of silent desperation. Let us live freely, according to the rule that "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and body, and love your neighbor as yourself!" God bless and keep you all.

So....I'm getting better I think....

This blog began as a means for me to share my thoughts with the world, but the goal was really to lay them out there so that I could get a better grasp of what was going on inside me head, and since I have very few things that I hold in private, I place it out there such that you who read this may benefit from my introspection. Of late I have realized the true power of a blog, and the impact that our writing can have on one another. Unfortunately writing comes cheap in our day and age, and true, quality reflections are often hard to come by, but I do not intend to offer those here. They may come, and what I write may provide some good food for thought, but this is not so much an inspirational blog as it is an attempt to take a look at reality and learn from it. If my thoughts on my own life encourage you to take a deeper look inside yourself, and into your own life, then it has succeeded in what it is capable of doing for you. Over the years this blog has taken on many different roles such as a means of reporting on abroad experiences, a vent for my thoughts, a report on events in my life, and now a means for keeping up on my own inner life, and for others to keep up on me. It is interesting how the roles change over time, and I pray that the words that I write continue to inspire you as well as fulfill the different roles that it has to play now.

Today was a good day, an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend from the church where I served as a peer minister in Ames, as well as her husband who participated in an ultimate frisbee tournament. I sat and watched and learned much about the way a professional tournament is regulated, and on what rules it operates. It was also interesting to meet up with an old friend from Iowa State later on and show her around my hometown, which is now to be her place of residence meanwhile she works in Belvidere. It was also very good to catch up with several people at the local Festa Italiana, where many Boylan grads and alums gather to celebrate their Italian heritage. I am very grateful to one young lady in particular who helped me show my ISU friend around town, and with whom I shared a very solid conversation about how to go about choosing our vocation in life.

It was interesting to note how all things are interconnected at some point. We like to think that going to the other side of the world somehow sets us apart and makes us special, but in the end someone else has gone more frequently, done more while there, etc. This life cannot be measured in terms of accomplishments, but rather by the depth of the relationships that we share. So spend time with the ones you love, the other things will get done in their own time. As much as you can, focus on that which is most important in this life, for these are the things that allow you to live on beyond the grave. People will remember you for who you were, not for the amount of money you made, or how popular or how powerful you were. Live like you were dying. And love the life you live!!!

Bike Trip to Lake Mills, WI

Several miles and many acquaintances later, we made it. The truth is that it could not have been done without the invaluable help of all the people I met. My trip acquaintances started off with a friendly old man at Macktown Forest Preserve who assured me that there was no way across the Rock river within the park, since I had intended to bike the path that went through the heart of the green golf-course. I thanked him for his offer to tour the old buildings set back from the golf course and carried on to the bridge under construction and Rockton, IL beyond. The edge of town brought the Dollar Store and a somewhat delayed purchase of a new journal and the road to South Beloit, IL, which was again a positive experience.

St. Peter's Church left two doors open, so I walked in one and had the experience that God was calling me there. I felt extremely at peace in the church that I would not hesitate to call a chapel due to its small size. Kneeling on the marble and contemplating Jesus brutalized on the crucifix before me I realized that many of the actions I have taken in my life only served to deepen the wounds of Christ. From one to whom He has given so much, He has also taken a lot of grief. But I am learning and I look forward to what the future will hold. With a few minor changes all will be most well, and I can move on to the next of my ex-ventures.

I think the ride today really helped open my mind back up to the possibilities and my mind goes wild! I thought of Colorado and my friend's graduation, and biking and skiing out there; buying a house with a lot of land, which always increases in value, and mowing it to my heart's content; shooting at a range and learning to rope and ride like a cowboy. Biking cross-country or cross-world. All things are possible with God!

On to more acquaintances, there were the two men who used to play hooky at the high school overlooking the river in Beloit, WI and now go fishing in the pond on the other side. The rest of the beautiful river walk in Beloit and Highway 51, which took me to the gas station where a boy gave me garbage-bag to protect my pack from the rain that really never came. Oh well...

Then there was Philhower Road and the shooting range. Then peaceful Read Road lead me into Janesville. The entrance was a bit confusing as Read Road turned into Sharon Road and made all sorts of twists and turns past abandoned semi's and factories and old, seemingly inhabited houses with no one around. Then came Palmer Road and the beauty of the Janesville golf course, the park, the wading pool, and concession stand. It was here that I stopped and lunched on trail mix and water, and instead of journaling spoke with Paul and Kelly. Paul gave me all sorts of ideas for authors to read and TV shows to watch to catch up on people who have done amazing things around the globe. I look forward to trying them all. Next came Bobby’s generosity with a bit of concession stand tap water and onward.

Palmer led to Wright Rd. and the “Ice Age” bike trail. Being an aficionado of woolly mammoths I indulged and ended up lost north of Highway 14. Thanks to what was apparently a college girl taking her mother on a bike ride, I regained my bearings and promptly threw them away as I did not want to backtrack. This led to a portage of what under rainy conditions would have been very muddy land, but the rain did not start until I reached Town Line Rd. and headed north. I rode north for a while, enjoying the solitude and bucolic landscape, that is until I heard the voices. Since I was lost, as I usually am when I hear the voices, I decided to stop and ask for directions. As it turned out the neighbor Gary was as good at picking up sticks near the front of a vast property belonging to the “K” family, as Mrs. “K” was at her directions. She and Gary traded off directing me to the bikepath that parallels Highway 26, as the daughter continued staring bewildered at me. I was off. Neither she nor their golden lab ever said a word.

Subsequent events lengthened my journey for quite a bit as I went west in trying to avoid riding on the shoulder of Highway 26. I took the highway as far as Milton and then got the bright idea that I could catch the bike trail that runs along Lake Koshkonong, even farther west as had been indicated on the Wisconsin county bike trail map. I never made it to find out, but Highway 59 led to John Paul Rd. (it’s good to be Catholic!) and then on to the “Rustic Rd.” It had no other name, nor did the man pursuing his boxer in a BMW call it by anything other than “that road” in his recommendation to follow it. Rustic Rd. was scenic, and alongside of which I caught inspiration to someday purchase a large expanse of property with a small house, that I could mow and fix up to my heart’s content, and then someday sell for profit. Down the road I frightened some horses as I pedaled by, apparently they don’t see too many bikers. Rustic Rd. led to County Highway N and a phone call from a friend. By the time I took it I was on the corner of Highway 26 again, having accepted the fact that I would have to ride the busy highway after all.

Not too far along however the bike trail head appeared, and about a mile down it I took the second and final call of the day from my father. Dinner, he said, but as I did not plan to reach my destination for another two hours, I put the though of food out of my head. It should be here noted that the last time I attempted a no-handed, helmet-less phone call on this very bike, I ended up over the handlebars in a heap as my co-worker pulled up behind me and began the gentle jabbing that I did not hear the end of for the rest of the summer. Adequately prepared as I was, I took both calls flat-footed, with bike helmet secured and kickstand down. I was not taking any chances.

The trail was fun and later paved, and so all was good until it went in the wrong direction. As I headed south I contemplated how I would scale the six-foot-high, barbed-wire-topped fence, and the fact that it was probably there for a reason. Eventually the trail turned the right way and Nate the biker-pro informed that it would reach Fort Atkinson. He also had some suggestions for a scenic route to Lake Mills, but as I eased my bruised caboose onto the seat that was probably manufactured in some quarry somewhere, I decided that I would probably take the shortest route up Highway 89 N, though perhaps I was wrong again as this route took me a significant distance west. The first wrong decision came as I debated taking Nate’s route and then at the last second got back on what I thought was Highway 89. It was, but I had to stop about a mile down the road, eat some trail mix, and then backtrack to town to confirm that it was.

The pain by this time was acute, and the route, uphill. However with a few Hail Mary’s and a couple of Our Father’s, I rolled into Lake Mills at 19:45, exactly eight hours from the time I pulled out of my alley in Rockford, IL. And on the note of Rockford, my thanks are due to the man at Park Rentals (so I should say Loves Park) for the allan wrench that hoisted my sidebars, which I intended to rest on, but only succeeded in providing poor steering ability and an awkward riding position. I remain grateful however, because at the end I made it and my mother and brother Daniel were good enough to pick up yogurt and fruit, and this mixed with granola hit the spot. The night was spent in good conversation, over the phone with a couple of friends, and otherwise with my aunt and my family. It’s good to be back in Lake Mills! Oh and Mike thanks for the honey whiskey, it made a great nightcap. Mass at 8am so I am off to sleep. Sweet dreams and may the Lord protect and keep you all! HIAL ITIY

A couple of notes: this time I used spell-check so I hope that the grammar and spelling is a bit better as this is one of my longer posts; photos are to come in installment two including the bike ride home to Rockford. This one should be more reflective on the experience as opposed to so focused on the individual experiences. Cheers!

A Child-Like Blog

When it comes to blogging I have always operated on the principle that if I don't write and publish it now, it will never get published. I am amazed by those of you who have the patience to write drafts, edit them, and then later publish them in their polished form, drawing a wider readership and generating a more interesting blog. I am trying to change, but do not yet know if this is what I want my blog to be. Many thoughts have crossed my mind lately, and honestly the things that I can see more concretely in day-to-day life take precedent over anything digital. This is why I still write checks, why I enjoy basketball officiating, why I go running and made the 70-mile bike trip two days ago (updates still to come, I am also lazy when it comes to these things). And I guess it was this need for visible accomplishment that sent Mike and me to Iowa to pollinate corn. There is something satisfying in spending your day working on something concrete and tactile, and to at the end of the day be able to look back at your progress and feel satisfaction at what you have accomplished. Digital technology provides little of this, though there are some small points of satisfaction when someone writes me that something I wrote on my blog struck them, and caused them to think in a different way, but I have a hard time disciplining myself to adhere to the blog and create any sort of schedule or order to my posts. I first created this as a creative outlet, and this blog will always be just that, "the thoughts of a simple Catholic man."

I would like to expand though and ask the question whether there is something to be learned from approaching all of life this way. First of all is it possible to approach every day as a child, to see everything as if you are seeing it for the first time with all the amazement and learning that comes with it? Can we approach deadlines as we used to approach dinner-time, as a point at which we need to go if we want to eat, but do not have to go if we do not want to eat what is offered? How much do we hold ourselves down to standards and rules that someone else created and assures us will bring us the most success? I remember translating a story in which Miguel de Unamuno states that success in this world is the man who best grovels in the dirt, and pays homage to the powers in the world that be. But I see a different way. John Francis, author of Planetwalker, a book (http://www.amazon.com/Planetwalker-Change-Your-World-Step/dp/0976019205) and a non-governmental organization for environmental awareness (http://www.planetwalker.org/) one day decided that he was not going to ride in any form of motorized transportation anymore. Twenty years later he is known nationwide and is a recognized advocate on the environment, having worked with the US Coast Guard and the UN, and it all began with the simple choice to walk anywhere he needed to go. Oh and another thing, he did not talk for seventeen years either. But he survived somehow.

I think that we are capable of much more in this life than we have ever imagined, and perhaps we need to embrace the imagination of a child to reach the outer limits of possibility. Anything is possible, and in my mind every boundary should be tested, every question asked, and every rule or regulation brought under examination, for I believe we too often live beneath standards that are not of our own making and serve only to extinguish the flame of life that is inherent in every one of us. This is not to say that we should all stop talking and start walking everywhere. Each one of us must find what the child inside each of us desires, and perhaps our answers will lead us right back to where we are, and we can thank God that we are indeed where we want to be. If not however, as long as your responsibilities are covered and your dependents provided for, dream big, cast far and wide. Run toward your setting sun and chase your dreams beyond the rainbow. For our time is short and no man wants to live the life of quiet desperation. Let us seek the life we yearn for in the deepest, most imaginative part of us. Let us tap the dreams of our childhood for our passions and follow them. For these are what transform our lives into meaningful stories that change the world. We cannot start out seeking to change the world, as John Francis has illustrated by his simple decision turned world-movement, but we can only follow the spark of inspiration that lies inside each one of us until it becomes a signal fire to all others, so that we all together may lead glorious and fulfilling lives!

Thank you to John, to my good friends Jane and Peter, who have specifically inspired the words of this post. And thank you to all of you who have inspired me every day of my life, and at all difficult points in between. May God bless and keep you all, and continue to inspire you to live the dreams that lie inside you.

"Make a commitment to make the journey. Each one of us has that inside of us." --John Francis (30 Minutes interview)

Reflection on the 23rd of July

Today I lived a day very much like I would like to live every day of my life. The morning came somewhat late, but it was eased by the memory of a good time the night before surrounded by good friends in Davenport, IA, and a somewhat harrowing, but enjoyable drive home through the fog of southern IL. Morning brought immediate awakening and a conversation with my mother. It lasted long and covered our journeys of the past couple of weeks, mine to Iowa and hers to Oregon and California. It is amazing what a little inspiration can do in the heart of a free-spirit! We went on to talk about everything that was going on and I felt a great peace as I later talked with a very good friend over the phone. I spoke with only one or two other people all day long on the telephone, and it was refreshing to catch up at a leisurely pace, and not worry so much about missing out on other people's lives. With the remainder of the morning I took time to work on some computer catch up, though I did nothing constructive in the way of the work I will have to do at Kent in the coming year, nor did I do anything to catch up on the work that remains to be done for my translation internship. However after these efforts came a great dinner with family, one that I prepared with skills learned from some of the best friends I have ever known. After dinner I went running and the night was capped with a good movie watched with my brother and sister, who have been here with me almost since the beginning.

I am so blessed and I needed to reflect on this today. Too often we blaze through these situations and forget to reflect on how many blessings are poured out in the simplicity of each day. And that great things can be accomplished at a moment's notice. For today also brought what began as an ordinary bike trip to the store, and turned into an all out battle with rain-thrusting and lightning-bearing Mother Nature! I came out a bit wet for the wear, but in all loved it, howling and yelling and gliding through puddles two-inches deep! The food from what I bought on that ride made everything taste all the better. Just now I planned a bike trip from Rockford, IL to Lake Mills, WI. Why? You might ask, but I would rather like to counter that with the question, Why not? Life is too often mundane because we allow it to be so, it is up to us to make each day worthwhile and each day count in leading us to become the best version of ourselves. What have you done to challenge yourself today? How do you challenge yourself on a regular basis? What is your life leading you to become? Let us ask these questions and make our lives extraordinary!

Slumdog Millionaire

"A victim of the circumstances," in the US is often seen as a cop-out, something that you really could have avoided, but that you gave in to of your free will. Such has long been my perception of the phrase, but I am learning to think differently. Slowly I am coming to understand what it is like in other regions of the world, outside the warm, private, and un-fenced-in homes to which we are here accustomed. There are parts of the world where a home is something that is constantly in flux, where daily life is a struggle to merely provide for the most basic of needs. People are calling throughout the world for help, and we do hear their cry, we do send aid, but do we really understand what they endure? I for one, do not think that I can even begin to comprehend what life is like for the majority of the people who live in this world. I have long said that we here in the US do not understand poverty, and my suspicions are confirmed when I watch films such as "Slumdog Millionaire"

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIzbwV7on6Q) or the "City of God" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioUE_5wpg_E). I have yet to experience any of this first-hand, and by all rights the conditions in these particular places may and likely have already improved.

However, as they say with poverty in the metropolises here in the US, if you try to cure poverty in one area, it simply moves to another. Take for example the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago....I did some internet research here and I think it is important that I point this out. The Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago is intimately tied to the "diaspora" movement of Puerto Ricans from their home land to the United States. As it turns out, what I had come to understand as gang violence that was rife in this area, in truth had a much deeper cause (see http://nationalyounglords.com/). The Puerto Rican people were fighting for justice, against an administration that would give them nothing and often repressed the men and women who at first only wanted a decent place to live, and the freedom to make a life. However as the controversy got more heated there were acts committed on both sides that crossed the lines, though the above website makes it appear as though the Puerto Rican movement was in the right (known as the Young Lords). I am now intrigued to do further research at DePaul University now seated in the affluent suburb still known as Lincoln Park to get to the truth of the matter.

This simple revelation indicates that the truth is not always what it seems, that we need to dig deeper and always ask more questions. It is never ok to write someone off until we have spoken with them, given them a chance, and really sought to understand their circumstances, for they may be, and often are far different from our own.

The principle I began to establish above relating to the movement of poverty can I think be simplified down to one simple, and truthful claim, "The poor you will always have with you," stated by Jesus Christ himself. And the world is constant proof of the truth contained in His words. I challenge you then to open your eyes beyond the world that lies on your front doorstep, in your state, or even in your country. Go there, or at least read a bit, watch a movie that presents you with the uncomfortable reality that not everyone lives in the same state as we here do. Not all of us has the ability to do something about this poverty, and the accompanying violence that can sometimes characterize the struggle to survive. But what impact will you have on the world at large? Will you perpetuate an ignorant society that thrives on what it has, but does not often think of how these things are possible? Does our prosperity truly depend on poverty elsewhere? All I ask you to do is think about it, think with me and open your eyes to the Truth. Yes it is challenging, and yes it forces us to look beyond where we may feel comfortable. But there is true freedom there, a better understanding of that man that walks by and speaks with a funny accent, or the family that converses in a foreign language, or the woman on the bus who veils her face; to us they may seem strange customs, but have we ever really asked why they are here?

And some of these persons are I daresay the fortunate ones. They were able to escape their circumstances to new opportunity for a better life here, which by the way is the only thing this country promises: the OPPORTUNITY for a better life, we do not have a right to any kind of prosperity outside of that which we ourselves go out and earn with the sweat of our backs or the fatigue of our minds. And these that come often have no fear of doing just this. And so, do we write them off as talking funny, or dressing weird, or do we ask the questions that lead to the truth? I think our lives could be all the richer for stopping, asking, and coming to a deeper understanding of the life experience of all God's people.

Inspiration

Does your life inspire you? Or are there things and people that inspire you to live your life? I think that the latter is what we should strive for. As a good friend of mine has said, paraphrasing the wisdom of Chesterton, the most dangerous sin of all is pride, because it attacks us when we are strongest. Hence for us to be inspired by our own lives would be to give in to some measure of hubris or pride that could potentially prove fatal for us. This then leaves us at times uncertain though. Our humility can lead us to think that our lives are inconsequential, and we lose inspiration to continue forging our path in this world, however with the aid of a friend that can all change.

Though your life may not seem all that exciting to you, it can make a world of difference for someone else. Just as my mother always says when we go to garage sales around this time of year, "One man's junk is another man's treasure," or to expand it to this context, what one man does not value all that much about himself may be the source of unlimited inspiration for someone else. Such occurred today. I sat and talked with a friend from the past and discussed our current states in life, as well as what the future may bring. For me her life as a mother and part-time teacher was compelling, because she is a part of something and is living her vocation most fully! For her, my life unbound by any responsibilities whatsoever, and traveling to foreign countries, learning to speak new tongues and studying for my master's degree seemed all too compelling. Hence, though neither one of us may always be inspired by what we get up and do every day, through the eyes of another we are able to experience and be grateful for what we have. This again shows then how necessary it is to remain in touch with those around us, and to share, really share, those things that are close to our hearts. Because in doing this we open the minds of those around us and really appreciate others, and perhaps more importantly, we appreciate what we have ourselves.

Not one of us can know what the future brings, but every single one of us needs affirmation at different points in time. And so I challenge you to go out and find someone that you have not spoken with for a long time. Meet in person, for no other method can really do it justice, sit down and share your life. "Convivir!" And in this way things may become clearer to you, and life can be a dream-chasing adventure once again!

Life and Death

Henri Nouwen makes the point that every choice comes at the expense of something. From the moment we are born, when birth opens us to the promise of a new world, but we leave the comfort of our mother's womb forever, to the point wherein we marry and take on a new exciting life with the man or woman we love, but leave the comfort of life in our parents' home forever. Life is a constant flow of decisions that open us to new things, but at the same time close us off forever to the old. It is a beautiful understanding of this life and one that gives me much consolation. For to truly engage in a new epoch in our lives, we must leave the old behind and thrust ourselves completely into the new life that the Lord has offered us. We must overcome our fear to be able to do this, for without it we will never move on in life. Too often I fall to the tendency of not wanting to enter into something new, because I realize that something has to end for this to occur. I wish sometimes that this were not the case, but in truth for us to move in a healthy way through this life, we must move from baby to child to man or woman without looking back.

Today I realized that I have worked my whole life to get where I am today, and that now I am spinning my wheels because I am afraid to take the next step, and so I am waiting, hoping not to have to break from the comfort zone that I have found. But this is not my destiny, our destiny is to continue growing until the day we die. To continue discovering life anew until there is no more time left for us here on this earth. Nouwen lived his life in this way, though he did experience inhibitions and fears in moving from one thing to the next in his life, he always offered it up to our Creator as a means of discerning whether the next step was indeed the one that lay before him. Discernment in this life can be so hard because there are so many forces trying to push and pull us in the direction that some marketing company or advertisement wants us to go, but only in nurturing a quiet awareness inside of ourselves can we know what comes from the Almighty and what is simply coming from external forces. I still believe that it is our deepest desires that should lead us along the right way for us in this life. We must look to the things that we have most desired from the beginning and from these glean which choice is the appropriate one for us to move on.

I have been very fortunate in this life to have been blessed by so many good friends and people who both help me along, and look to me for guidance, and all of you have helped me to learn more about myself and you and the God who created us all. The answers do not lie outside of us, but rather within us. This life is not about what you do, what career you choose, what kind of possessions you have, but rather the depth of your friendships, your ability to exist in solitude, and to seek what it is that really helps you to become the best version of yourself.

I pray that all of you would take a deeper look into your soul as I am trying to do, and find the hopes and dreams that lie there. Not the ones for material gain or fame or any of these, but rather the things that you love to do, and the dreams that lie therein. For truly, do what you love and the money will follow. Why we are so consumed with the necessity to make a certain amount of money in this life is continually frustrating to me. Why can we not be happy with whatever we make and make our lives out of that? This endless rat race does not get us anywhere, but unfortunately leaves us as nothing but rats at the end. Why not take a look at the rat that you are, and work on what lies inside, or to change the analogy to a caterpillar; why run around and try to become the best caterpillar, when you have the tremendous potential to focus on what lies inside, to endure the trials and struggles that form the cocoon of our lives, to come out as a butterfly on the other side?!?! Let us try and live this life, seeking, asking, knocking, and thus finding what it is that we most want to be, and in this way focusing not on the death of the things that we leave behind, but rather on the life of the things that lie ahead in our lives!

May God bless and keep you all!

Adventure

Where do we quench our taste for adventure in the modern life? In ancient times as at the Battle of Thermopylae, subject of the recent film "300" men had the opportunity to fight and die for what they believed in. I suppose that we do today as well, but the idea of glory and honor and true patriotism seem to be far from the modern trend. Whereas the ancient Spartans were honored for their fighting, we spit on and insult our soldiers when they return from the lands on which they defend our freedom. The Battle of the 300 went down in history as an example in which free men defended their free lands against a force that far outnumbered them, and succeeded in holding them off until their secret was betrayed. Where is this in the modern day? Name one way in which a man who has the desire for glory and honor can find satisfaction in this American life. Men in the US it seems are neutered these days and have no concept of what it means to fight, to defend freedom, to maintain honor, to seek glory! The battlefield has become the business world in which passive arms such as clothing and other possessions are the arms used to demonstrate superiority over other men, and battles are launched in meetings with Starbucks in hand. What have we become? Where does a man who desires to stand and fight for what is right find a place amongst such as these?

For those of you who enjoy the modern setting, I challenge you to look beyond the setting that for us has become normal. It is not normal. Nowhere else in the world do they have such luxuries as we possess here in the US. No I do not want to have to fight for my every daily meal, but I do see the value for a man in what that would mean for his concepts of freedom, honor, and glory. Today we use our freedoms not to defend, but to kill. We may look on the Spartans as barbarians for killing the children that did not fit a standard, and for forcing their young men into such fighting. But there is value there, there is something in the man's soul that calls out for this, that desires to reach beyond this ordinary and at times mundane every day life.

And there are arenas wherein this battle may be fought. They have only to be found by following the desires of our hearts. Some find it in sporting competition, others in political debate, some in theological and philosophical discussion, and still others find it in defending their country as part of the military forces. Perhaps the manifestation of our quest for adventure will be different for each one of us, but every single one of us, whether we admit it or not, has a thirst for adventure that stands ready to be quenched. We can live our whole lives never quenching this thirst, but won't we then be living a life of quiet desperation, one that seeks what it cannot have? Why do this? Seek adventure, run to the next thing that inspires you and thrust yourself in with all your might! Do not ask what tomorrow will bring, but fight the battle of life today! Life is too short....tomorrow you may fertilize the ground and be the food of worms, but today, oh today, you may fight!

When quiet desperation threatens our lives, let us not waver in our defense of adventure, in fulfilling this desire inside us, but rather let us say to those who would question our pursuits, who want us to be like everyone else, "Come try and take it from me," but they will not be able to, because it lives inside of and drives us to live more fully every day. "Come and get them" is what Leonidas said to the Persians who commanded him to lay down his arms, let us say the same as we take up our own in our fight for what is good and true in this ever-too-short life!

Corpus Christi

If ever there was a time of a beautiful show of orthodoxy, it was this past Corpus Christi Sunday, wherein we processed around the Cathedral of St. Peter on a lovely day here in Rockford, Illinois. We revered the Blessed Sacrament by placing it in the monstrance for all to see, and lauding it with a procession of candles, crucifix, and flowers around the campus of the church. It was beautiful how everything came together and we were truly a witness to the community around us. Throughout the world various Roman Catholic communities held the same celebration, even down in Honduras as my good friend John Donaghy documents in his latest blog post (http://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com). This is the true beauty of the Catholic Church, that one body of believers can unite across continents and worlds into one living and breathing community that proclaims the truth, as we did this past Sunday, to all whose hearts are open to the faith, hope, and love in Christ. It was a magnificent experience to be a part of, and even within our own church we had representatives present from all walks of life, that show the true universality of the Church. Too often I have heard that the Roman Catholic Church is too stringent, too rule-based, for the tastes of those whom I have met before, but I hesitate to agree with this claim as I myself am an example of how imperfect one can be and still be a part of the Church. I have seen so many different people from so many different backgrounds, cultures, languages, and skin colors all attend congregations of the same Catholic Church, of the same community of the same capital "C" Church that reaches to the farthest corners of this beautiful world in which we have the privilege to live.

What do we have to cling to in this ever pervasive life? Or maybe the questions would be better asked at significant points in this life. Why are there people who want the Church to be there for them for the baptism of their children, their later marriage, and then their own funerals? What is it about the Church that calls them home at these specific points in life? Why not go every weekend or just not go at all? I think at the heart of all this is the reality of the leap of faith. If we make it then we align ourselves with the Church, her teachings, doctrines, and dogmas and lead our lives accordingly. Should we not be able to make the leap of faith, as doubting Thomas was unable until our Lord returned to reassure him of the Truth, then we may find ourselves unable to consider ourselves a part of the Church and to follow Her. But should we find ourselves somewhere in between, we have an in-between relationship with Her.

But it is the moments like this past Sunday, when the beauty of the orthodoxy of the Church is put on display for all to see, when the source and summit of our faith is made manifest and all people of all walks of life stop and watch, including Catholics who have been faithful to the Church their entire lives; this is the moment at which our faith becomes real. We are truly reaching out to those around us, not apologizing for what we believe in, but instead standing up for the truth in all of its difficulty, and holding to the daring orthodoxy that is the basis of our faith. On this day I had the phrase enter my mind, "Let us be warriors for Christ! Let us fight for what we believe in!" And luckily in our nation here in the US, we have the luxury of fighting with words, but I think this has led us not to fight at all. Do we really believe in what we demonstrated this past weekend? How do we show it? As Fr. Ken Wasilewski, who is pictured with the monstrance above challenged us, "How do we show to others that our reception of Christ in the holy sacrament of the Eucharist is truly changing our lives toward Him?" So let us be warriors for the cause of Christ, let us fight for what we believe in, and not fall to the relativism of the world that surrounds us. It is to us, are we up to the challenge? I believe so. Let us go forth and take up our cross!

My thanks are in order to Deacon Chuck Cooper who took the photo(s) I have published above. Thanks also to Fr. Ken Wasilewski and Deacon Bob for the beautiful Corpus Christi celebration that took place this past Sunday. May God bless and keep you, and all of you who have read this post.

The beginning of an era...

Here you can see me and my friends Mike, Kris, and John at a lovely little place called Mulgrew's, which can be found in the bucolic suburb of Dubuque, lovingly called "East Dubuque" that falls on the Illinois side, which is, of course, the better side! After a lovely evening of carousing at a wonderful wedding celebration we found ourselves here at this lovely little bar, not leaving until 1am, and thence not arriving back to Rockford until 3am. What an amazing night! We lived it up at a beautiful wedding whose reception was had at a beautiful convention center on the banks of the always impressive Mississippi River. I realize that I have so much to be thankful for in terms of my friends and all others who have so blessed my life throughout the last 24 years. Even as we sat together this Saturday evening at a friend's place I was reminded again of how small the world is, and yet just how many people we encounter in our lives, and thus the power we have to influence one another, whether for positive or for negative.

I believe that we need to take fuller account of just how much we can impact one another, and to focus more intently on affecting one another for the positive. It has been a fortunate turn of events that I have had opportunity to come home, and to stay with my parents and catch up with old friends. And these are always the best, the ones who know us best, and can see most clearly through the problems and issues that may have plagued us for months. These are the people who will always be there for us no matter what happens, and we need to remember this on every occasion that we have to interact with them.

I hope that this blog can become more and more of a testament to the importance of friends and family in our lives, and how our relationships with one another direct our eyes heavenward and help us endure the sometimes challenging situations we must endure here on this earth. We must also, however, remember to celebrate the good times, and always be thankful for the opportunities to praise God with our true joy and laughter. We are most truly blessed who have experienced this joy, and now it is to us to share it with those around us, that the entire world may become a testament to the truth, and to the freedom found in living a life for Christ. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, such that whosoever believe in Him, might not perish but have eternal life!" Let us live this every day!

Updates

I really need to work on updating the format of this blog and am going to look into other things to add to it. I would like to start adding photos and have reflections on them, and perhaps this will be the first entry that I do that with. Other required updates have to do with my life in general. I need to learn to be more patient, to be more hopeful for a better tomorrow, and to spend more time with people that help me to think in this way. Things are actually very good right now in my life. There have been many blessings and many difficulties, and by the grace of God all things have turned out well, and I am completely free to choose whichever road I want to follow from here. Some opportunities still need to be decided on, and others I perhaps need to let fall, but this is possibly part of the secret to life, that we discover the things that we enjoy and pursue them to the fullest. For example, I love volleyball, and so I have it set up that I play about three times per week here at home. It is nice to have all the connections and a good memory of what's going on to be able to make that happen. This evening it is off to Dubuque for a wedding reception, and I know neither the bride nor the groom, but Mike is coming too!

It's a beautiful morning, and promises to be a productive day. We have a garage sale to put together, and I have a bit of translating that I should get working on. I am starting to adjust to not having as much to do, which may come back to bite me when I get back to grad school, but for the moment it is refreshing, and encouraging that life can indeed be relaxing and somewhat transparent with regard to what we want to do with it. When I am at home, this is much more true than when I am in other places. A comment on this....

I have been to many places outside of my home country, and my tendency is to down-talk the place I have come from, and to promote the values, morals, traditions of the foreign culture as the "better" option. However I have learned that this is not necessarily the most positive approach. All that this has lead me to do is adopt the values, morals, traditions of the culture I am experiencing instead of my own, and we cannot live this way. It is to live a lie. Just because it is ok for someone from that culture to live in that way, does not mean that the same way of life would not be detrimental to my own way. I believe that we must learn to appreciate all cultures throughout the world, but cling to the truth in them all. The truth will lead us to correct values, morals, and healthy traditions. Sometimes this can become unclear, especially when everything in the foreign culture seems so vogue and much better than what we had in the culture we left. However, at the end of the day, all we have to rely on are our own experiences, which have shaped us in the way we are. We do not have the basis that the other person from the other culture possesses as a groundwork for their beliefs and way of living. Thus it is important to always come back to the truths that you have learned from your own life, and not simply adapt everything to the foreign beliefs you have learned. For if we do this, at the end of it all, we are no one, pertain to no people and no culture, and blow about as a leaf in the wind to whatever the dominant beliefs of the day are at that place and time.

May we hold to the self-evident truths in our own lives, and go seeking the others that we have to discover in other cultures, and that can broaden our understanding of the central Truth that governs all creation. For in coming to a deeper and deeper understanding of this Truth, we are more and more set free to live as we know to be right, and to have all the opportunities and accomplish the wildest dreams that we can ever imagine.

Finding Truth

Trust in the Lord and He will show you His pathways. Believe that He died for your sins and they will be washed away. Then dream your greatest dream, hope beyond all hopes, for anything is possible with God. Sometimes I wonder that some of these truths flow so easily to my mind. How is it that this happens, and yet for others these truths are so hard to grasp? I find them easy to understand and accept, but so many out there lie contrary to the truths that Christ showed us by His coming to earth. This is what's wrong with the world, that we hesitate to give ourselves over to things because we are afraid: afraid of being wrong, of being right, of following the wrong path, or following the right path. But there is no path! There is no picture that has everything rightly placed within it...only our conscience and our emotions, our feelings, hopes, dreams, desires, our interests, talents, and the things that we know about ourselves. And we have to operate on these. But let me tell you that letting God in allows us to see ourselves in a whole new light and to understand new things about us, that carry us ever forward in our development. And the faith that God is up there waiting for us, desiring us to enter and become part of His kingdom, shows all of this to be important, but in the end we will have to let it go. So why hold on so tight? Why not give everything we have in this life, devote our time to friends and family instead of amassing things that will ultimately pass away. It is our choice and our decision, let us search for what makes us come alive, but always be ready to give that life for something that we believe in.

Peace

That ever evasive quality that we seek to achieve in our lives. Neither accomplished by ignoring the rules in life, nor by unswervingly adhering to them. Peace is found in unexpected places, and at times that we never would have thought it would come to us. I used to think, and still do hope that these times in our lives are indications of something that we need to maintain in our lives; perhaps a sport that inspires us to coaching, or a book that inspires us to think, an academic major that challenges us to think beyond the proverbial envelope. Yet I have learned that our minds must also be at peace in these times. Our entire being must be in harmony for true peace to exist. Reason and dreaming must meet somewhere, not one abandoned in favor of the other. This abandonment is of course very possible, and perhaps even common, that we should so abandon one in absolute favor of the other, but this is counterproductive to our development. We must somehow come back to the point where there existed some measure of balance in our past, and start from there to truly find this entirety of peace, that can truly fill our entire person, if only we are willing to let it. Too often we want to exert an excess of control, or let things fall where they may without taking any responsibility for our ability to affect the outcome. I believe that we will encounter both imbalances at different periods in our lives, and it is important to maintain that inner compass that is searching for the best version of our self, and to follow that to our ultimate destiny.

There is a beautiful union of taking responsibility and letting go, that work together to form our lives into what we want them to be in our heart of hearts; and that is that they would be fulfilling, lending a sense of accomplishment, and having made some sort of positive impact on the world in which we live. Might I say that this most often comes in our relationships with others, who help us to grow as individuals and learn about ourselves, as well as become aware of how we affect those around us, such that we get a much clearer view of the possible roles that we are capable of playing in this life.

I must admit that up to this point I have allowed these insights to be a kind of eliminator for me, that what I learn about myself and my effect on others should somehow show me what I should NOT do with my life. But I think the contrary is both more useful and more healthy, in that we take from every experience, every interaction, every act of every day, an insight into something that we can do that helps in the development of our very selves, and those around us, and thereby has an effect on the whole world.

World peace is unfortunately impossible in this world of so many nations and peoples, that is without the intervention of God. But what did He do when He came to earth? Yes he taught on a broad scale to all those who would listen, but more importantly he came into relationship with people. Jesus had the power to change as many hearts as He did because of His divine nature, but it was His humanity that allowed him to enter personally into the lives of John the Beloved and the apostles, Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, and Lazarus. Through his relationship with these, he reached out beyond the grave and affected the lives of the many who encountered these and the apostles. We do not possess the power of Christ's divinity, however as a people devoted to Him, we can allow our humanity to serve in the same way that Jesus' humanity served God while He walked this earth. We can enter intensely into relationship with one another, challenging each other to encounter and embrace the truth, which will transform our lives and make us into greater human persons and ultimately greater witnesses to our Lord and Creator. He asks only that we love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and body; and that we love our neighbor as we love our very self. Thus it starts with God, who lends us an inner peace, that we can then share with others, and that will ultimately lead them back to the ultimate answer to peace in our lives. Christ said, "Peace be with you!" Let us carry this message to all peoples by allowing our humanity and human actions to be transformed by His love, and thereby impact the lives of all those who encounter us.

Thankfulness

There are so many things that I have to be thankful for in this life as of late, that I have not commented on due to the overly busy nature of my life. Now though, it is a beautiful day at home in Rockford, Illinois, and the outlook looks bright. Only three weeks ago yesterday I received the call to embark upon one of the most exciting and pivotal experiences of my life. A young woman who I now have the privilege to call a friend, called me in the midst of my final exam for one of the translation courses with which I have most struggled over the past year. She asked me whether I would like to interpret for a couple that was coming from Cuba to stay with and visit the church of her father, a Methodist minister in northeastern Ohio. After a day of deliberation and arrangement, I agreed. With that I interpreted before a congregation of Christians as the two pastors from Cuba shared their stories about their church that is taking shape in a country that once allowed for no such practices. They spoke of the differences between the governments of our countries, but how this does not affect the relationship between peoples. And truly this is the case for all of us. That we need to approach the person we encounter in one another instead of rely on all the preconceived notions and perceptions in our heads. We spoke in front of the church gathering, bible studies, a youth group, schools, and participated in various other church activities as well. We visited an organic farm, a zoo, went to a baseball game, and conversed at length at the home of the pastor from Ohio. It was in all an amazing experience, and showed me that God can work no matter the circumstances.

This changed me irrevocably. I am amazed at how God took my feeble abilities to speak two languages and brought me into a situation with people I had never met before, and allowed me to be the one to help them communicate. And now, even further, the pastor has been so gracious as to invite me to Cuba, to teach a class on the Theology of the Kingdom, the Gospels. My interests in Spanish and theology have reached a sort of climax, and all of this will contribute to the completion of my case study next year.

After I would complete it I feel that I may need to leave this economy for some time. Had I been born and raised, and then stayed here, I believe that I would have been able to remain and work here; but as I have experienced life differently: a more relaxed life, closer to family and friends, I feel that I need to return to the place where my heart was at rest, and where I jumped out of bed every morning. I know that it was a short experience, but I can remember never sleeping in in my bed in Peru. I was always up and out and on to the next thing. There was always something to do that day. And I was inspired!

However, speaking with the pastor from Ohio of late, the passion returned. I was able to speak with conviction once again, and I believe it is the force of God returning to my life. There are many accounts that still need settling, many problems that need resolution, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is something in my life to look forward to. And I don't know that it includes the term "professional". I don't like the concept, I don't like the practice, I don't know though because there are definitely times when I want to be treated this way, and times when I do not. I struggle to figure out in my mind, where I want to be in this world, and what I want to be doing, but it is the struggle that helps us to figure out where we are going.

On a beautiful day like this I wish I could just go out and enjoy it. Wander around without a care or thought in my mind, but the reality is that my mind is always going, is always thinking, and cannot often be at rest. Perhaps this is why I have wandered so long and so far, and still have not come to anything concrete.

Interesting thoughts....I hope I am back to writing on here more often....thanks to those of you who have the patience to read....

sleeplessness....

Do you ever find yourself, late at night, unable to sleep and contemplating all the questions and uncertainties in your life. I must admit that it is rare for me, because I am too often running from place to place and never give myself enough rest, such that when I do lay down, I'm out. However today I think that Pepsi this afternoon has brought me to the moment now where it approaches 1am and I cannot do more than shut my eyes and think. I contemplate the last few months and all that has transpired, and how fortunate I am, and we all are in turn that we do not have absolute control over our lives. As much as friends have encouraged me to move beyond repeating maxims, I find myself constantly returning to the idea that all we have to do hear God laugh, is to tell him our plans. Just at the moment that I thought I had given up everything and the summer was to be nothing more than a going home, and a sort of abandonment of what I had wanted to do, I have discovered instead something that I never would have otherwise ever conceived or brought myself into. I am interpreting for a Cuban pastor who has come here to the states upon invitation by a Methodist pastor from here in Ohio, who has after getting to know me, invited me to help him teach a course on the Theology of the Kingdom in Cuba. I will interpret the class as he teaches.

I would never have imagined anything like this. I never would have imagined that I would have the opportunity to go to France over spring break and meet all the blessed people that Mike, Brett, and I encountered there. Prior to this, I never hoped that I would go to El Salvador, but seemingly by chance, one of those who had signed up was unable to go, and I was the alternate. God is always working in our lives, whether or not it is immediately evident. If you are anything like me, then you do not have patience to wait and see what the Lord will do if we would just stop trying to force everything for just a minute. Yes we need to exercise our free will, yes we need to make wise decisions, considering all possible alternatives before acting, but we also need to allow for the will of God in all of these things. It seems that if we leave Him an open window he is able to shine His light through and brighten our lives in a holistic way, much as the sunlight enhances the brilliance of a beautiful home. For we can only do so much in our lives, much as we can with a house, we cannot have as much effect on the weather, the environment, etc. Hence, yes let us build a home or a life that we enjoy living, but let us not forget that God plays an instrumental role in all of this, and that the more opportunities we give Him to act in our lives, perhaps the more fulfilling our lives will be.

Perhaps....

Sometimes I like to write without a destination and see where the pen, or in this case, the keyboard leads. At times it works really well, but in others I end up running in a vicious circle in my mind that only leads the reader to discover my lunacies and regret his having come along for the trip. At this moment in time I have just finished with the last of my formal classes for the school year and I teach one final review tomorrow. After this I will have only to work on one major project for one class and touch up the work I have already completed for my other classes. I am beginning to look forward to the summer and the freedom it brings. If there is one thing that I have learned from this year, and that would be far understating the fact, it would be that I like to do things and get them done. I relish dwelling on the deeper questions in life, and I would rather get done with what needs get done in the moment in order to be able to do that. I love the rush of the summer wind over the greenest leaves that carries my mind to thoughts of God and the world beyond this life. There is so much truth that is manifested in the world outside every day. Did we catch it today? Or did we walk or run right on by to the tune of our endless chants of efficiency and hard work? Yes the latter especially is important, and the first insofar as it fits with the other elements you want present in your life. For example it would be more efficient to do everything on your own, especially if you are the most knowledgeable, but wouldn't this exclude the possibility of inviting someone else in, teaching them something new, inviting them to see the world from a different perspective. Life is too short to sit and bicker over who has more or less, or better understands the world. Sometimes I wish that this world would just be over already and we could all see the truth once and for all!

And then again...there is so much to learn, so many paths to follow, so many rabbitholes that lead to I know not where. I have boundless energy to explore this world and see where I might end up. I would love to have a job in which I can do it and get done. I love language and for this reason I might more research interpreting in the coming year. It may work out well for me in that I would have a job that begins and ends at a certain point and that is somewhat mobile, in that I could establish myself as a translator as well and then interpret once I reached my destination. So many thoughts and ideas, and I think sometimes that not being in a perfect place is better to agitate the imagination to conceive what the perfect place looks like, or its elements, or anything else that could be revealing as to the future. I have enjoyed my time here in Kent, it has not been heaven, but alas heaven is only available to us beyond death, and this is something that I do not fear, but look forward to as if it is far along the line, after I have lived all that I am meant to live here. My mother does not think I will ever settle down, perhaps she is right, perhaps I will not, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.....

Library

Here my thoughts can run wild and my hands can type unbelievably quickly. I enjoy helping others get their things done than I truly enjoy doing my own. In this sense I suppose that I try most to be a Christian and/or Catholic (universal). I love the insights given by editing, given a glimpse into an unfamiliar field. Yesterday I sat in on a presentation on the nature of the breakup of Yugoslavia, about which I previously knew nothing, but that I now could probably could give a general synopsis. There are times when I do not enjoy living and working in academia, but I must admit that the quest for knowledge, especially of how to do things, can at times be quite contagious and even addictive in this environment. More than ever before I am aware that knowledge is power. I can even feel my own inadequacy next to the giants of my field and alongside others in other fields that I encounter on a daily stroll through campus. Nonetheless, and no matter how appealing campus life may seem next to a job working 8-4, 40 hours a week, I can assure you that the work never ends, nor is there any good breaking point at which one can say, "I am done." This concept does not exist here, and so we proceed in the quest of "knowledge", but really should be qualified as book knowledge, for knowledge of some things outside academics is eventually forfeit. Hence it is important to ask as in all things, how important is this to me? That is before one would plunge into and/or return to academia to continue one's education.

Just some thoughts, I hope that you all benefit from my random and crazy musings! Love you all!!!!

Diversion from France....

It seems that wherever I am the matters immediately at hand tend to dominate my mind. I suppose this is how I can be so intensely involved in my friendships wherever I am and then rapidly fail to keep in touch and leave a trail of people behind who have no clue what I am doing now. I try my best, but I don't know how to do it any differently. I love being spontaneous: up and going to both El Salvador and France in these past 5 months; exploring the possibility of relationships and friendships that I never would have tried for under any other circumstances. These are the things that inspire us to live and live more fully, to seek the greater things in life and not get caught up on the small things. Right now I sit at a university typing at a computer that I never could have conceptualized less than a year ago. A full year ago I was serving fast food at a great restaurant in my hometown and reffing basketball, and a year before that I suppose I was still working on the cruise ship. It has been a wild ride, but again I wouldn't want it any other way. This is why then I try all these different things here now at Kent State. I was recently elected Advocacy Chair for the Graduate Student Senate, a position that I ordinarily never would have applied for, but whose duties will teach me again how to work together, how to develop and evaluate grant proposals, and how to manage time between this, my classes, my teaching, and my refereeing.

I am thoroughly convinced that I am crazy, but I could not be more grateful for it. I went for a good 2 hour bike-ride throughout Kent and the surrounding area this afternoon and I feel like a million dollars. I am in the perfect mood to blog because I am writing without thinking, pure stream of consciousness that I can later go back and read and say, "What the heck was I (not) thinking?"

At this point in the evening I have the opportunity to go out with a couple of different groups of people, but I would much rather check in with those I love and care about and go to bed. I plan to write more on France when the inspiration comes, but for the movement, we'll leave it at this: it was a life-changing experience in its every facet, and I look anxiously forward to the world-trip, which will revive again this desire to live and live deliberately, deeply, and fully! Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, but I refuse and will not cave to anything that makes me feel so unnecessarily!!! I will fight desperation with passion and love for life. So help me God!

France - part I

There have been few times in my life like the time that comprised my spring break in France, spent with the best of friends, in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. I realize there is something within me that responds to those that are closest to me; something that comes alive and takes over my heart and soul and entire being. I am completely free when I am with them, and I have them to thank. Mike and Brett, I love you guys completely; you are my friends and brothers, both in Christ and darn well close to blood. Reflecting back on "les trois" in the bed at Jenna's place, all the way through to smoking Cuban cigars along the Champs Elysée, you guys are the greatest. Jenna, what can I say? You are my sister and friend and this trip helped me draw so much closer to you and helped me to realize what an invaluable friend and confidante I have in you. Thank you for convincing Veronique to take us into your tiny little three-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment in Aix-en-Provence, and put up with us for three days and two nights!

For all of you who are reading this, know that France is beautiful and I cannot do it justice with my words here...Marseille is a land of sunshine and green grass and flowers, and where the guy at passport control gives you a sly look, before asking the inevitable, "what are you here to do?" but does not stay for the answer, and instead with the cry, "a girl" takes off running! After this priceless beginning, the trip was an amazing success. Everywhere we went, we encountered endless generosity and ever more deep lessons of God's goodness. Starting in Aix, I dressed up in a toga and attended a costume party/dance at the local engineering school, we discussed some of the harder questions of Catholicism, and then ended by taking a drive through the countryside, lunching at a nice French place in a small town, and then driving through vineyards and chocolateries. Leaving Aix we met up with one of the most generous women I have ever met in the quaint town of Cavaillon. Marie-Jean, one of the holiest living persons I have ever encountered, and also one of the most amazing cooks, told us how much faith she puts in us as the generation to take up the struggle of holding this world together in the time to come. She spoke of her hope for the conversion of all peoples to the one truth. She inspired me as few people ever have, and she said it all in French! She did not speak English with us at all. The beds, the shower, the food, the hospitality, were all the best I have had in a long time. And she gave it all freely, on merit of our friendship with Theresa, a very holy young woman as well of our age.

After a wonderfully relaxing long lunch with Marie-Jean, we visited the Palais des Papes in Avignon, and felt the wonder and the interesting phenomenon of imagining the Roman Catholic church centered out of this French town. This especially after having seen Rome. Our soiree ended in our favorite city of the whole journey, where a wonderful young man named François awaited to put us up in the local rectory where we slept like babies. The next day his family took us into their home and we again experienced the generosity of the French and the glory of God who enabled these two wonderful people to raise five wonderful children, all of whom were extremely compelling in conversation. One of my favorite points to note is that all were welcome at the table, especially the parish priest who sat and ate with the family. It was a beautiful show of love for all, and from these people I learned how much more I have to learn about how to give without counting the cost. May God bless them now and always....

More to come, but I'm off to bed, I hope you have enjoyed thus far...