Henri Nouwen makes the point that every choice comes at the expense of something. From the moment we are born, when birth opens us to the promise of a new world, but we leave the comfort of our mother's womb forever, to the point wherein we marry and take on a new exciting life with the man or woman we love, but leave the comfort of life in our parents' home forever. Life is a constant flow of decisions that open us to new things, but at the same time close us off forever to the old. It is a beautiful understanding of this life and one that gives me much consolation. For to truly engage in a new epoch in our lives, we must leave the old behind and thrust ourselves completely into the new life that the Lord has offered us. We must overcome our fear to be able to do this, for without it we will never move on in life. Too often I fall to the tendency of not wanting to enter into something new, because I realize that something has to end for this to occur. I wish sometimes that this were not the case, but in truth for us to move in a healthy way through this life, we must move from baby to child to man or woman without looking back.
Today I realized that I have worked my whole life to get where I am today, and that now I am spinning my wheels because I am afraid to take the next step, and so I am waiting, hoping not to have to break from the comfort zone that I have found. But this is not my destiny, our destiny is to continue growing until the day we die. To continue discovering life anew until there is no more time left for us here on this earth. Nouwen lived his life in this way, though he did experience inhibitions and fears in moving from one thing to the next in his life, he always offered it up to our Creator as a means of discerning whether the next step was indeed the one that lay before him. Discernment in this life can be so hard because there are so many forces trying to push and pull us in the direction that some marketing company or advertisement wants us to go, but only in nurturing a quiet awareness inside of ourselves can we know what comes from the Almighty and what is simply coming from external forces. I still believe that it is our deepest desires that should lead us along the right way for us in this life. We must look to the things that we have most desired from the beginning and from these glean which choice is the appropriate one for us to move on.
I have been very fortunate in this life to have been blessed by so many good friends and people who both help me along, and look to me for guidance, and all of you have helped me to learn more about myself and you and the God who created us all. The answers do not lie outside of us, but rather within us. This life is not about what you do, what career you choose, what kind of possessions you have, but rather the depth of your friendships, your ability to exist in solitude, and to seek what it is that really helps you to become the best version of yourself.
I pray that all of you would take a deeper look into your soul as I am trying to do, and find the hopes and dreams that lie there. Not the ones for material gain or fame or any of these, but rather the things that you love to do, and the dreams that lie therein. For truly, do what you love and the money will follow. Why we are so consumed with the necessity to make a certain amount of money in this life is continually frustrating to me. Why can we not be happy with whatever we make and make our lives out of that? This endless rat race does not get us anywhere, but unfortunately leaves us as nothing but rats at the end. Why not take a look at the rat that you are, and work on what lies inside, or to change the analogy to a caterpillar; why run around and try to become the best caterpillar, when you have the tremendous potential to focus on what lies inside, to endure the trials and struggles that form the cocoon of our lives, to come out as a butterfly on the other side?!?! Let us try and live this life, seeking, asking, knocking, and thus finding what it is that we most want to be, and in this way focusing not on the death of the things that we leave behind, but rather on the life of the things that lie ahead in our lives!
May God bless and keep you all!
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