Milestones

Another day has passed, another involvement has ended, goodbyes have been said, gifts and thanks exchanged, photos taken and memories solidified in our minds. I did not realize before how difficult it may be to step away from here. I have come to know Ames as a home and the people I have grown with here as family. The words "you don't know what you have until it's gone" have more truth for me now than ever before...and yet there are other words. Other truths. Whatever may be taken from us, no one can ever touch the relationships we have formed, nor the memories we have made. God gave us these that we might build upon them, and by the strength and hope we gain go on to conquer the world. Thank you to all of you who have been such forces in my life. I can in no way list you all, as you continue to touch me every day in ways that none of us fully understand. I would appreciate your continued prayers as I move on into the next epoch in my life. I must confess that it has always been a dream of mine to move beyond Ames to see what the rest of the world holds. Though I have enjoyed my time here and have formed relationships that I will keep with me forever, I must move on. I am called to something different, it may or may not lie in Peru, it may or may not lie in New York City, it may or may not lie close to my hometown in Illinois, but wherever it is I will seek it with all of my strength. It is one of my dreams to satisfy the tugging in my heart that has always kept me questioning. If you found me restless in recent months, this is the cause. I yearn to discover my part, and though I do not know completely what it is, it unfortunately does not lie here. And that's ok. I assure you that I will return to visit, I will never forget all of you who have touched me in even the smallest of ways, I am amazed at the ways in which God works. I will pray for you as well, of this I can also assure you. Yet in this time, I must pursue the dreams of my heart wherever they lead. God is good, with and in Him I will find peace. May you too, question the world and follow the dreams of your heart.


PS Thank you to Stewart for the photo from my last day of work at the Knoll!!!

Words of Wisdom

I would like to thank whomever left the note on my desk yesterday. I must say that it caused me to think, which was appropriate as it described how we truly can never stop thinking and that ultimately we find God through that. Too often, I myself fail at the idea of thoughtfulness, though I have many good examples in my life including my parish priest back home (thanks Fr. Ken) as well as a father who is currently setting an awesome example by making it his priority to be more thoughtful in word and deed. It is incredible to have so many good people around, but it is truly in the moments where someone touches us with some small gesture that we feel the grace of God coming through. For it is often in the smallest things that we can effect the greatest good. Would that we remember that...Thanks again, and may God bless and keep you always as well.

Thinking

So often I get all philosophical and really say nothing at all. At times I am so tired that all I care to do is sleep as was the case tonight, but instead I am sitting here writing this because of the caffeine I drank earlier. I did drink it in great company though as we watched "Amores Perros," by far one of the strangest movies I have seen in a while. The buzz also helped us through our victory in broomball this evening 4-3 against a very capable and sportsmanlike team than the other night and no I did not break any bones tonight. I truly enjoyed everything I did tonight, yet at the end of it I come down to scrutinizing my future and all that it may hold, and I think I may have found it. The program is called ACE and it involves teaching underprivileged youths in Catholic schools throughout the country and the world. Along with it you receive a Master's in Education, which of course cannot hurt, and you live in community an idea with which I am already familiar and do relish! Thus the future seems somewhat in line, though I know it will likely not turn out as I plan: couple weeks doing God knows what, then Peru for eight more (for this I am itching to go!!!), another month doing odd jobs, hanging out with friends, maybe working in tile again we shall see. Then off to the big city where I have not completely figured it all out yet, but will do service, live somewhere in Manhattan or nearby, take a few classes at Hunter College, graduate, then do the ACE program or some other such Catholic, service-oriented program. My thanks out to all of those out there who have helped me so much along the way. You know who you are, I thank God for you every day and want to thank you again for being there.

There it is, you have the update on my life. May God bless and keep you all in the time to come, especially all ya with finals, papers and projects...best of luck.

Interesting

Same artist, different tune...coincidence?

What Hurts The Most


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....


Rascal Flatts

Life Ahead

"Human life acquires fullness when it becomes a self-gift: a gift which can express itself in matrimony, in consecrated virginity, in self-dedication to one's neighbour towards an ideal, or in the choice of priestly ministry. Parents will truly serve the life of their children if they help them make their own lives a gift, respecting their mature choices and fostering joyfully each vocation, including the religious and priestly one" (John Paul II). I find so much truth in this one line. I have read significant parts of the Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality, and nowhere else have I found so much truth on this issue. You know when you have found something that is right, everything about it clicks...your head nods, but not in a bored stupor too often found in class lectures, but in agreement with every word proclaimed. And oh the power of rhetoric, to be enabled to speak in such a way to carry a country to make war on itself, as in Rwanda, or to lead itself to peace as in the effort so heroicly led by Gandhi. We need more people in the world who will step outside the daily routine and really listen to what goes on in the home, on the street, in the country and throughout the world. Life is so much more than the diario or "daily grind", yet how many of us never see that and lead our lives of "quiet desperation". Seize the truth as we seize the day. How? That is different for every one of us. But according to the truth above, we must truly make our lives a gift in whatever way we are most capable. Yes parents play a huge role in this, but it is up to us to take what we have learned and otherwise been given and find the way that we will give back. It matters not as to your upbringing, though this may limit you in some way, this does not change your ability to make a difference if only by way of small gifts given to those nearest you. From there, pray, develop your relationship with the Lord and he will lead you on. This is what I believe.

Relationships

"And if friends were friends forever..." I would keep you all, because you have all been such a support in my life. I have recently rediscovered the many invaluable relationships in my life and am reminded of the reality that these are all that persist here beyond death. On the left you can see me among my first roommate at ISU Troy Larsen who is an expert cribbage player, Lisa who has rapidly learned the trade, and Greg who challenges Troy for the crown as king of cribbage. We spent some quality time in the res halls recently, chillaxin and eatin' chips and salsa like the good old days. If any of you have never played the game you should check it out. On that note, Emily Arentson you owe me a game of 500, maybe we should catch one in the upcoming weeks. Or we could always do it when you and Amanda come and visit me in NYC BABY!!! You all rock!! Thanks for everything you already have been and will be!! I cannot name you all, but you know who you are, and you'll be with me FOR-E-VER (to use a line from the sandlot).

Friends and Music

Sometimes you just got to make the best of your situation, when you sit and feel sorry for yourself nothing happens, we have to go out and pursue the opportunities that present themselves to us. I finally learned a lesson about this last night as I am usually too stubbornly boring to try something new, well I went out to a dance club where I was certain I would not have any fun, but I had a blast. Now this may sound strange, but in the process of trying to save some of the girls in my group from an older professor guy who would not leave them alone, I began to dance with him!!! A little weird I know, but in the heat of the moment it was a lot of fun!!! I need to learn to be less uptight about everything. Often I think too much and forget to have fun, relationships are not like a game of battleship, though all too much I think I do view them that way. To all of you out there reading this, I'm sorry, I'm learning and I'm attempting to move beyond this. There are many excuses I can give for not doing things, but I never look at the possibilities of actually doing things. I'm exhausted right now, but I type this so all of you out there will keep pushing me to have fun. I fear that I lean too much to the conservative side in the social arena, and this does not mean at all that I plan to ever get raging drunk or even drunk at all, sorry I can't bring myself to that, but I do need to loosen up. The Lord made us as social creatures, please continue to challenge me to be one. That's my rant for today. By the way, all my best to Marianne, Laura, María, Lisa, Emily, Karen and all others who went to the Boheme!!! Y'all rock and we'll have to do it again before the summer brings the next epoch in all of our lives!!!

Music

Often I am blown away by how closely a certain song or album can speak to my life. Just to name a few I have encountered recently: Brad Paisley's "When I Get Where I'm Going", Jimmy Wayne's "Stay Gone" and "I Love You This Much", Keith Urban's "You'll Think of Me", and for the moment, Garth Brooks' "The Dance"...

Looking back, on the memory of,
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above,
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known, that you'd ever say goodbye,

And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss, the dance.

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king.
If I'd only known, how the king would fall.
Well who's to say, you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss, the dance.

Yes my life, is better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss, the dance