Is this heaven?

No...it's not. Why not, because nothing is ever as easy as it seems. Because this world tells you one thing then comes and slaps you in the face. Because you think you have it, then reality says "Ha Ha! Gotcha!!!" Sales is by no means easy. I need a car, sell me one. I need a dog, find me one that jumps on my kid and licks him to death so I cannot turn down your offer. Make me an offer I cannot refuse.

Reminiscent of The Godfather hey? Now imagine something else. Sell me a work of art. Better yet I will sell you a work of art, and right now you don't even understand what you're looking at. To you it might as well be a blank canvas, or even better a work that your 3 year old child created with his fingers. Imagine the most demanding person you know, imagine trying to sell him a work of art you know nothing deep about. Imagine that you have not been running on a lot of sleep. Imagine that what you have given has not been enough nor does it seem that the future will bring much improvement.

This is what I endure...Why? Because by next year I will be selling you that work of art, I will be able to understand it more clearly myself, I will...Yet, what about today, what about now? I am as much a salesman now as I will be tomorrow. I make you an offer you cannot refuse. Either you give it your all now, or you will live your whole life wondering what would have happened had you given more.

Here is my life right now. Learn from it what you can. The biggest point? We are who we are now, we can be who we can be, yet we must always appreciate who we are.

Apocalypto

Wow. That is all I can say after such a movie. To be very honest I do not quite understand where Mel Gibson is coming from with this one. As an aficionado of all things Latin American, it was interesting to see the way he portrayed the Aztecs or Mayans, or any other group who held power prior to the arrival of Cortes. The movie could have represented any one of these, maybe even the Incas though they were not so violent as the group portrayed in the movie.

Pro-life. I don't necessarily see it, although I enjoyed the fact that the protagonist's wife lives in the end, along with their son and newborn (born underwater) child. Justice is served in the movie for one man, and yet the others died so that he might live. I am struggling in all of this to derive the overall message. The actors did a phenomenal job, and the set, or environment if you will was also tremendous. However I cannot take a heart-warming quip from this movie, and maybe I am not supposed to. The only point I can offer is that I kept thinking of the modern tendency to romanticize the past, and modern means whatever time you live in. Man has always done this, because the improvements are so slight and often the losses more visible such that only the losses and failings of the coming years stick in our minds. This movie teaches us that it was not all fun and games in the past, that men had to fight for their food, that plagues ravaged the lands unchecked, that plants were scarce, and that men committed unbelievable atrocities against one another without any recourse to a UN or NATO or what have you? Maybe we should appreciate what we have a little more, instead of always wishing for the past to return. And maybe in this we have discovered the pro-life message. That even in a time of unchecked war and violence between men, life was sought (the man who could not produce children), life was treasured (the newborn baby at the end; the children left unharmed in the village). How can we, in an organized and law-governed society that feigns to uphold human rights murder our own children? Our own livelihood? The greatest and most powerful gift that we (with the aid of a certain Someone) can accomplish on this earth. To give life to another. Life and all the gifts and capabilities it entails, is the most valuable gift God has given us. Anything we try to make with our own hands always turns out lesser in dignity than our very selves. But in begetting a child we produce something equal in dignity. And so I ask: How do we place so much value on the things of this world, and yet not value the very life that allows us to want these things?

Life truly is the greatest gift we have been given.

Thus through the blood, forest, jewelry and varying personalities we have found meaning in Mel's movie. I hope to at some point learn his purposes in creating the film, however if he started the talk about it being pro-life, I do not think we are too far off in these observations and conclusions.

May we all do what we can to preserve the sanctity of life, not by yearning for yesterday or dreaming about tomorrow, but instead by living this very moment and seeking to begin a new chapter in our treatment of human life.

Every high priest is taken from among men and made their representative before God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. He is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and erring, for he himself is beset by weakness and so, for this reason, must make sin offerings for himself as well as for the people. No one takes this honor upon himself but only when called by God, just as Aaron was. In the same way, it was not Christ who glorified himself in becoming high priest, but rather the one who said to him: "You are my son; this day I have begotten you"; just as he says in another place: "You are a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek." In the days when he was in the flesh, he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered; and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him, declared by God high priest according to the order of Melchizedek.

-Hebrews 5:1-10

God indeed seemed to speak to us this past Monday as we had a tremendous tour of the Cathedral thanks to a man I will not soon forget. His humor and mannerisms make me think of how I may be in a few years!!! I thank God for Simon and Michael, who are both my elder and taught me so much in the short time we spent together. So often I get caught up in the business world, in trying to find a job, that what is truly important leaves my mind. However God is always there, quite often physically, to draw us back into reality. Accepting the reality of His life, of what He did for us, may in some ways seem crazy, yet living a life for Him we discover that in living apart from Him we were truly the crazier men. For though we accept many mysteries with Christ, it is only in leaving some things to God, that we can lead truly sane lives.

Fr. Luke, thank you for all you have shown me and done. I believe that everyone who gets to know you feels very close to you, that they can share their deepest thoughts, doubts, and dreams. And you are always so genuine, helpful, and loving. You show what it truly means to be humble and to give with all that you have to a world that so often only seeks to take. May God continue to bless you in His ministry, there are few who could do as great a job as you are doing.

Is the priesthood so radical? Devoting life to the One who gave it to us. Serving His people in the Church; teaching, loving, helping, feeding both physically and spiritually. God has called so many, and yet He needs many more. I imagine the freedom of serving Him every day, and yet am frightened by the prospect of loneliness. I know not what I seek, but believe that in continuing to seek I will ultimately find my life call. Thank you to all who have helped me along the way. I realize that everything I have tried is empty if God is not a part of it. And that the things I enjoy take on so much more life when I bring God into them.

A Journey through my thoughts

What makes for a life well lived? Well, society would tell us that we need to get a career, then move up until we are making six figures a year, have a car that no one else can buy, buy food that costs six times what it's worth, have 1.5 kids, a wife or husband that of course will always adore you, and a house that is ten times larger than you actually need. And these, of their own accord, will bring happiness. As Christians we seek something different, yet the very fact that that difference is not explicitly defined makes living it all the more difficult. It seems that everything society tells us we need, our faith tells us we need to part ourselves from. I do not say that we do not need money, the need for this has been the obsession of my mind lately as I just got out of school and am currently unemployed, but instead we must earn our living, and live our lives differently. Parting ourselves from worldly pursuits. Not pursuing the ever elusive greenest grass, nor pursuing power for its own sake, but instead following the path that God has put in our lives. Sometimes this idea scares the heck out of me as I think of many ways that people serve the Lord that I absolutely could not do, but that's ok, the Lord has a different plan for me than He has for these others. I believe that in our particular calling in life we will feel most alive. Does this mean that it will be easy to find this calling? Does this mean that pursuing the calling will be easy? Absolutely not. We will encounter and overcome adversity in whatever form it takes, even if it comes from within our very selves, which is so often the case. Why do we fear? We have nothing to lose. Should we lose our lives, we know what God has promised for our time afterward, and giving our lives to Him every day we should have no fear for what will come. Yet where is the balance? How do we live a satisfying life, and still pour all we have into the pursuit we have chosen? Is is possible to do? Last night I was exhausted, and thought that going home would have been the best choice, but instead I went to a Catholic youth group, and it was there that I understood that I am freed from my past. Freed from the sins that I have committed. Any one I ever committed, and any one I have yet to commit, died with Christ on the cross. He removed the sin from my soul. And how do I thank Him? By letting fear overcome my will to succeed, letting doubt take the place of hope in my life? Allowing love to go to only those who love me? I must say no to all of these questions, no matter how hard life gets, no matter how much I doubt, how much I sin, no matter how much fear stands in my way, I will not despair for You are my rock. Take away my past, wash it from my memory, cleanse me from sin, allow me to accept Your mercy and grace, for none is greater than You! None other than You could have done what you did! Your love overcomes all my hate, and all the other darknesses that may fill my heart and mind. Sin will no longer have a hold on me for You are God and You will give me strength to endure my trials, and then when I can take it no longer, You will pick me up and carry me through; just as You will one day carry me home. Yet this not a minute before I accomplish Your will on this earth. To You be the glory always.

mixed feelings...

...about what is to come. You ever really feel like you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and it scares the hell out of you? This is how I feel about 90% of the time anymore, and it drives me absolutely nuts!!! I wish I just knew what would transpire in the next few weeks so I would not have to be so uptight!!! It's so funny, tests, quizzes, and challenging professors used to get me so worried, but anymore I really don't care too much about any of that. I finished out my final semester with all A's and a B+, ironically in my only Spanish class, the last one I needed to complete my major in the field;-) I suppose not much changes since I had like all honors classes and two AP courses, except for one basic typing course. Guess how I came out. Yep, all A's and a B in the typing class! What can you do? It seems that this is the way life turns out so often. Sometimes I wish I would have chosen a more challenging major for undergraduate, but as it is I spent a lot of time with friends and learned a lot about how to deal with people, what makes them tick and what they need, this of course in addition to getting more confused about what I personally need in my life. Life...I just commented the other night to a friend of mine how easy it was when we were younger, not having to think about all of these different things. There were things that needed to be done, like sleep, eat, watch TV, read, play, and play some more. Maybe that is why we men and women are so drawn toward one another, in that our relationship would give so much more meaning to our lives. When we do something simply for ourselves it quickly becomes dull, and I have so many times heard it said, as well as have experienced the power in experiencing things together, instead of simply on our own. On this note I would like to thank all of you with whom I spent time in Peru: Franny, Meg, Chris, Nate, Beth, Emily, Emily, Meg, J-dog, Nancy, Kathy, Jess, of course Connie, Kristen, everyone from the Mount Mary group; we became like a huge family. Of course with our own quarrels, as well as happy moments, all I know is that I never felt homesick in Peru, a sentiment that was quite acute during parts of my time in New York.

I miss you all, and look forward to seeing you all again. Yet I read a book recently, and I will try my best to follow the advice even as I pass it on to you. Follow your dreams, seek out the path that fulfills your hopes and dreams, and on which you would have the greatest capacity to love those around you. As much as it pains me to leave once and again, I know that eventually I will find what I need to find for myself, and then in that moment can bring that joyfully back and settle down for whatever the rest of my life will bring. This does not mean that we stop living, by any mark, but instead that we must follow our dreams to their fruition, the deepest desires of our hearts, and that then we can be content with settling down. Opportunities though, will not cease, and as soon as we are able, we may elect to leave our settled state again. But we would have already achieved our greatest goals, and so that we are not scrambling to accomplish at the end of our lives, but instead see each new day with grateful eyes and hearts, and are ever ready for the moment at which we will pass on to the next part of our existence. And having accomplished our dreams, we will already have a taste of this heaven, and so can desire it all the more strongly. And, surrounded by the fruits of our lives, we can return to our Creator with thanksgiving and joy in our hearts. God bless you, and may He aid you in all your pursuits. And may we always remember, "The glory of God is shown in man fully alive!" So conquer those misgivings and let God shine through you, and please pray that I might be enabled to do the same.

A New Look at Life

It is incredible how much of an impact one night can have on your life, for tonight reinforced all the gifts I know the Lord has given, but which I have kept under wraps for so long. I accredit my rediscovery to the incredible relationships I have with my brothers, and my friends here in Rockford. Someone expressed a lot of wisdom in the book named for the song "Live Like You Were Dying," saying that however imperfect our friends here are, we must accept them for who they are and treasure them despite their problems and issues. God is good to have given us the opportunities to have such relationships. Who would have thought that it would take a New Year's celebration to awaken me to the blessings He has placed in my life. Despite all the difficulties I have in dealing with all of my friends, I know that they love me, that they enjoy being with me, and that I feel exactly the same way. The power in that realization has overcome any uncertainty I feel in life right now, because even though I may fall, I know that they will always be there to pick me up. I owe a thanks to my mom and dad though too for having given me the opportunity to experience a bit of what it must feel like to be a parent. And Aunt Molly as always spreads her abundant love and unique personality to further warm the house and the celebration. Thank you to all of you who were here tonight, for all you have been to me in my short life, for all that we will be for one another in this new year to come, and for all we will ever be to one another. It has truly been a privilege and a blessing. May God bless and keep you all, for always!!!