It is somewhat strange to be back in Kent, OH. There is so much the same, and yet everything different. In some ways I want it back the way it was, with all the people who were once here, living in the place where I lived before; but things have changed, and I am excited for what the future will bring. There is always some level of apprehension when starting something again anew. I felt it every time I started another year at Iowa State, and it comes to me again. It is always most acute when we separate from those dearest to us, and for me that took place this morning in parting with my father who made the long trip back to Illinois. There is something to be discovered inside of us when we consider how we react to situations such as these. I tend to have intense feelings of excitement, accompanied by intense feelings of loneliness. It is dangerous and somewhat scary to cast off on your own, and thanks be to God, this time I am not alone, since I have good friends here to spend time with, and let the pangs of homesickness and longing for the past subside. And I guess there is something to brutal honesty for me when it comes to these things. Instead of keeping it all pent up inside, I would rather that the whole world knew that I am struggling inside, struggling perhaps with some of the same things that you endure in your own life, but that the world tells us must be extracted from our souls. Cut out until we feel no pain anymore and can adapt to any change as if it were nothing.
The unknown always tends to bring apprehension, and this move back to Kent is no exception. There are a lot of known factors here, but not all, as this year could bring just about anything. But along with the apprehension there is joy that this inspires as well. Joy at knowing that this year could bring a new discovery, a new journey, a new friend, a deepening of an old friendship. I am excited about my new roommate who returns from his summer tour of Germany and Italy. I am excited about having my own apartment, my own place in the world. I am excited for all the new adventures that this new year could bring with the Church, the graduate student senate, teaching, learning, refereeing, conferences, interpreting, and all the other things that this new year will entail.
Just like anyone else, I sometimes find myself longing for the past, but push forward to a future that I know will turn just as it is supposed to. There is always hope. For we have our Lord to show us the way to His Truth. And this is especially good because there is as currently no electricity in my apartment because I forgot to call and have it changed to my name! Oh well! C'est la vie! I love you all and want you to know that I care for you deeply and thank you for all that you have contributed to my life. Without you I would not be where I am today. I would not be asking the questions I am asking, and seeking the way that I know I will find to the fulfillment of my life. Live greater, it is our calling...
1 comment:
Tim --
Good mornin', my friend!
Your post takes me back to my college days at Loras. It was an emotional tug of war between the three worlds of the past, present and future. I longed and desired for friends of the previous year to return, but knew it wouldn't happen due to graduation; in the present moment, I really didn't want to give up the freedom and fun of the summer to classes and studying; and the future, as with all of life, had no idea what would unfold for me. Once I was back into a structure, the anxiety and my heart's desire to relive the previous school year, gradually faded.
However, I always had the best of the past and the present through the special gift of pictures and stories stored in my memory banks, photo albums and college yearbooks. This continues to the present. That's why it is one of my top priorities to keep in touch with people ... to keep the memories and thus, the relationship, alive. Yet, it is a two-way street, often challenged by life's "forks in the road." As we exit one stage and enter the next one, it's bound to happen -- the friendships of the previous stage either continue on the same road or they travel to a new one. Overall, this is a good thing. The present moment challenges us to embrace it ... to thrive and grow through the new people, places and experiences offered to us. If we always lived in either the past or the future, we'd miss the gift known as the present.
Whenever I have returned for a high school or college class reunion, it's usually awkward. In most cases, all of us have moved forward with our lives. Thus, this is the positive for me ... I see I am no longer the person of that time and how I have transformed into a new person. These are truly Paschal Mystery moments for me.
You're attitude is on the right road as you see the joy and abundant blessings God is showing, and showering you with, as you embark on this next year in Kent. If and when you become lonely or homesick, you know who will be there to catch you by turning to your heart and thinking of your family and friends that have always stood beside you! These people are your greatest treasure and blessing because they are the foundational relationships whom have journeyed with you throughout your lifetime. The only other thing you need to do is to reach out via an email or by phone!
Take care and God bless! Go out and "share the love" and the loneliness will fade faster than a speeding bullet! ;o)
... and of course ... SLAINTE to your new year of adventure in Kent!
Kris
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