Amazing...

That is the only word I have to describe life right now. Though there are many doubts and pangs of uncertainty in my soul, I know most deeply that all will be well in time. Today I met with some old friends from Rockford who believe in me and they have inspired me yet again to live the dream. Not to wait and see what will happen, but to continue to grab life by the tail and take it wherever it leads, as long as these destinations fulfill the longings of my heart.

I long for God. But I have not yet found the way to live for Him here in this life. Besides I am having way too much fun trying different things every day, and I suppose am awaiting the moment in which He will knock me on my butt as He did to Saul, and tell me what He would have me do with my life. Still, there is something about following the deepest desires of your heart that draws others, that holds people amazed, and that inspires them to live their own lives. Life can be very difficult, and even boring if we let it, isn't it better to chase those things we may not think we are capable of catching, but try anyway? Yes that star lies on the horizon, but if I catch it by surprise can it not be mine? If I run from this day forward, won't I at some point reach that distance and make the star my own?

Don't get me wrong, this life is hard. Every day I get up, I sometimes wonder what the next few hours will bring, and wonder at the possibility of getting hurt or even dying that day. All the more reason to chase our dreams, because then if we are called up one of these days we will have lived! It is sometimes hard for me to believe that I will live past 30, and maybe I won't, but if I do I certainly want to have something to tell my grandchildren. I want to be able to inspire them with stories of the inspired and examined life. My life is not one for the meek, because I am beginning to see that this is not my calling. But rather to live the gifts that God has given me. To be loud for Him, to seek relationships that bring others to Him, to work hard at my pursuits to His greater glory. To never worry about having enough because He will provide in some way. I suppose the hardest part is knowing how much I have to give. Where should my efforts stop and His work and will begin? Well, I suppose this is the hardest part for all of us. We get to choose yes, but sometimes it is hard to see how God plays into that picture. I have always tried never to settle for what is easy, but who's to say that what would be easier for us is not what God wants?

I think about the parable of the talents, in which each servant gets the number of talents that his master gives and then takes them to do with them as each chooses. Ultimately the ones who gave them away in order to get more were rewarded and the one who horded his talent was denounced. I suppose there is here then some measure of direction as to the fact that we should make the most of whatever God has given us, that we should choose the more challenging road, or the one that will help us to grow the most.

Thus we must seek challenges in every day that we live. We must search for those things that make us come alive and learn to grow with and through them. If we continue searching for these things, and keep God at the heart of all we do, all will be most well.