Quiero comentar un poco sobre la vida solamente en español para q los q he conocido en El Salvador pueden también leer esto. Recienmente he aprendido dos lecciones importantes, el primero q nuestro ambiente nos influye mucho en nuestro modo de vivir. Noto q fue así cuando vivía allá otra vez en Latinoamérica. Se me había de lo cuanto me gustaba todo de Perú y el continente en general. La gente allá es más ayudable, generosa y feliz. Aun ahora cuando estoy en mi cama de los EEUU intentando de escribir en español es q me faltan las palabras para expresar lo q viene a mi mente. Mi amiga me preguntó esta noche si pienso en español cuando escribo cosas así como ésta. Diría q sí aunque a veces me impide un poco la diferencia entre el vocabulario q tengo para expresarme en inglés y el q tengo en español. Supongo q de alguna manera, seguir escribiendo en español me ayudará a continuar aprendiendo de la lengua q viene de una cultura q me gusta mucho a mí.
La otra cosa q aprendí fue q yo tengo un afecto hacia mi ambiente. La gente q me mira y con q hablo responde mucho a lo q tengo para decir. No sé porqué el Dios me dio este don, solo q lo tengo y lo debo usar de manera para atraer más hacia su reino. Creo q me costará hacer lo q Él quiere q haga, pero supe también en este viaje a El Salvador, aunque lo sabía bien antes de olvidarlo, q solo puede encontrar felicidad haciendo lo q el Señor quiere para mi vida. No nos dice por llamadas de celular, ni a través de sueños muy claros, aunq mensajes recibidos de ambas maneras pueden mostrarnos algo bueno en tal momento. Nuestro pastor nos dijo q el Señor nos habla por la oraciones q ofrecemos hacia Él, y de este modo nos dirige por su camino para nuestras vidas q es el camino q nos trae hasta nuestra felicidad. Veramente nostros encontramos la paz y la fe en el, y como dice San Agustín, "Mi corazón no descansará hasta q descanse en ti Señor" y también añadiría q no encontrará mi vida hasta q te la de a ti Señor.
Señor rezo para q tú nos mostrará nuestros caminos, q nos ayudará encontrar lo bueno de la vida q nos exige y inspira hasta cumplir tu voluntad para cada uno de nostros.
Quiero dar mis gracias a todos de nuestro viaje a El Salvador q me ayudó a encontrar las verdades q explico aquí escritas y q me inspiraban a buscar un modo nuevo de vivir. Q el Dios les bendiga a todos ustedes.
18 January 2009
04 January 2009
Amazing...
That is the only word I have to describe life right now. Though there are many doubts and pangs of uncertainty in my soul, I know most deeply that all will be well in time. Today I met with some old friends from Rockford who believe in me and they have inspired me yet again to live the dream. Not to wait and see what will happen, but to continue to grab life by the tail and take it wherever it leads, as long as these destinations fulfill the longings of my heart.
I long for God. But I have not yet found the way to live for Him here in this life. Besides I am having way too much fun trying different things every day, and I suppose am awaiting the moment in which He will knock me on my butt as He did to Saul, and tell me what He would have me do with my life. Still, there is something about following the deepest desires of your heart that draws others, that holds people amazed, and that inspires them to live their own lives. Life can be very difficult, and even boring if we let it, isn't it better to chase those things we may not think we are capable of catching, but try anyway? Yes that star lies on the horizon, but if I catch it by surprise can it not be mine? If I run from this day forward, won't I at some point reach that distance and make the star my own?
Don't get me wrong, this life is hard. Every day I get up, I sometimes wonder what the next few hours will bring, and wonder at the possibility of getting hurt or even dying that day. All the more reason to chase our dreams, because then if we are called up one of these days we will have lived! It is sometimes hard for me to believe that I will live past 30, and maybe I won't, but if I do I certainly want to have something to tell my grandchildren. I want to be able to inspire them with stories of the inspired and examined life. My life is not one for the meek, because I am beginning to see that this is not my calling. But rather to live the gifts that God has given me. To be loud for Him, to seek relationships that bring others to Him, to work hard at my pursuits to His greater glory. To never worry about having enough because He will provide in some way. I suppose the hardest part is knowing how much I have to give. Where should my efforts stop and His work and will begin? Well, I suppose this is the hardest part for all of us. We get to choose yes, but sometimes it is hard to see how God plays into that picture. I have always tried never to settle for what is easy, but who's to say that what would be easier for us is not what God wants?
I think about the parable of the talents, in which each servant gets the number of talents that his master gives and then takes them to do with them as each chooses. Ultimately the ones who gave them away in order to get more were rewarded and the one who horded his talent was denounced. I suppose there is here then some measure of direction as to the fact that we should make the most of whatever God has given us, that we should choose the more challenging road, or the one that will help us to grow the most.
Thus we must seek challenges in every day that we live. We must search for those things that make us come alive and learn to grow with and through them. If we continue searching for these things, and keep God at the heart of all we do, all will be most well.
I long for God. But I have not yet found the way to live for Him here in this life. Besides I am having way too much fun trying different things every day, and I suppose am awaiting the moment in which He will knock me on my butt as He did to Saul, and tell me what He would have me do with my life. Still, there is something about following the deepest desires of your heart that draws others, that holds people amazed, and that inspires them to live their own lives. Life can be very difficult, and even boring if we let it, isn't it better to chase those things we may not think we are capable of catching, but try anyway? Yes that star lies on the horizon, but if I catch it by surprise can it not be mine? If I run from this day forward, won't I at some point reach that distance and make the star my own?
Don't get me wrong, this life is hard. Every day I get up, I sometimes wonder what the next few hours will bring, and wonder at the possibility of getting hurt or even dying that day. All the more reason to chase our dreams, because then if we are called up one of these days we will have lived! It is sometimes hard for me to believe that I will live past 30, and maybe I won't, but if I do I certainly want to have something to tell my grandchildren. I want to be able to inspire them with stories of the inspired and examined life. My life is not one for the meek, because I am beginning to see that this is not my calling. But rather to live the gifts that God has given me. To be loud for Him, to seek relationships that bring others to Him, to work hard at my pursuits to His greater glory. To never worry about having enough because He will provide in some way. I suppose the hardest part is knowing how much I have to give. Where should my efforts stop and His work and will begin? Well, I suppose this is the hardest part for all of us. We get to choose yes, but sometimes it is hard to see how God plays into that picture. I have always tried never to settle for what is easy, but who's to say that what would be easier for us is not what God wants?
I think about the parable of the talents, in which each servant gets the number of talents that his master gives and then takes them to do with them as each chooses. Ultimately the ones who gave them away in order to get more were rewarded and the one who horded his talent was denounced. I suppose there is here then some measure of direction as to the fact that we should make the most of whatever God has given us, that we should choose the more challenging road, or the one that will help us to grow the most.
Thus we must seek challenges in every day that we live. We must search for those things that make us come alive and learn to grow with and through them. If we continue searching for these things, and keep God at the heart of all we do, all will be most well.
01 January 2009
New Years
I suppose there are few times better than the New Year´s celebration to reflect on the past and where in the future it may lead. Life thus far for me has been a journey and an adventure. There have been moments that have given me pause, but I have always maintained some measure of fervor and excitement in approaching the future. That is, until now. I feel that maybe it is only a moment, a fleeting experience of apathy and uncertainty in which I feel paralyzed as to where to go. This more accurately describes my experience of the past weeks, and not necessarily today as I believe God blessed me with an inspiring dream last night and I look forward now to the prospect of new travel frontiers and destinations in the coming months. I do not yet know where all of this will lead, but writing as I do here helps me to visualize all of this and put it all into perspective such that I can make some sort of decision.
I was told last night by a very good friend of mine that I am very contemplative and I like to ponder on the realities of life that are impacted by every moment that we live on this earth. Every act is monumental, and becomes a part of us in that we learn something from it, or that it has a somewhat permanent affect on our person. I have enjoyed the moments of my life thus far and up to this point, but have found myself at yet another poignant precipice from which I must cast out into the deep yet again. I like that I have tried to do everything in my life against the grain, apart from what is conventional, and which takes some measure of courage and an ability to deal with new fears and uncertainties. I yearn to feel this again, I yearn for that next shining horizon, for that next opportunity to arise. And yet I wonder whether it lies inside me. I wonder whether my travels and adventures are coming to a close and that it is time that I invest more in what is already here with and inside me. I do not quite know what this means either, but I do know that whatever is to come in the next few months, it will look very different from the past ones.
God is the only constant. He is the only one we can appeal to in every situation, and Who keeps us from despair when we encounter a situation in which we cannot have what we want, as pure as the desire may be; when we are uncertain of what the future will bring; when our hearts feel empty and we would be lost otherwise. God, what do you want from me? This question has echoed endlessly in my mind, and just when it seems that He has shown me my path, it changes again. Another wrench is thrown in the works and I am cast yet again somewhere else. This is of course not only the work of God, my own volition has also contributed to the multitude and breadth of the experiences that I have had in the past few years, but I can only attribute their variance and quality to the work of God. He is leading me somewhere and asks me only to take courage and follow. Prior to this point in my life I was a source of strength for many others, but I feel now that God is calling me to put my faith more completely in Him, and to let Him show me where the path leads next, or rather, where I am to forge a new one.
The next several years could bring summer in Spain, teaching in Latin America, learning Russian in Eastern Europe somewhere, studying Arabic, theology, German, French, any language: more Spanish; and though no one else may be, God will be there through it all. This is what both I and we all must remember as we forge ahead in our own lives. That God is constant in all things, especially in wanting what's best for us, and though this at times may be a trying reality, good will come of it all in the end. Thank you Lord for all you have shown me thus far in life, and for all that is to come!
I was told last night by a very good friend of mine that I am very contemplative and I like to ponder on the realities of life that are impacted by every moment that we live on this earth. Every act is monumental, and becomes a part of us in that we learn something from it, or that it has a somewhat permanent affect on our person. I have enjoyed the moments of my life thus far and up to this point, but have found myself at yet another poignant precipice from which I must cast out into the deep yet again. I like that I have tried to do everything in my life against the grain, apart from what is conventional, and which takes some measure of courage and an ability to deal with new fears and uncertainties. I yearn to feel this again, I yearn for that next shining horizon, for that next opportunity to arise. And yet I wonder whether it lies inside me. I wonder whether my travels and adventures are coming to a close and that it is time that I invest more in what is already here with and inside me. I do not quite know what this means either, but I do know that whatever is to come in the next few months, it will look very different from the past ones.
God is the only constant. He is the only one we can appeal to in every situation, and Who keeps us from despair when we encounter a situation in which we cannot have what we want, as pure as the desire may be; when we are uncertain of what the future will bring; when our hearts feel empty and we would be lost otherwise. God, what do you want from me? This question has echoed endlessly in my mind, and just when it seems that He has shown me my path, it changes again. Another wrench is thrown in the works and I am cast yet again somewhere else. This is of course not only the work of God, my own volition has also contributed to the multitude and breadth of the experiences that I have had in the past few years, but I can only attribute their variance and quality to the work of God. He is leading me somewhere and asks me only to take courage and follow. Prior to this point in my life I was a source of strength for many others, but I feel now that God is calling me to put my faith more completely in Him, and to let Him show me where the path leads next, or rather, where I am to forge a new one.
The next several years could bring summer in Spain, teaching in Latin America, learning Russian in Eastern Europe somewhere, studying Arabic, theology, German, French, any language: more Spanish; and though no one else may be, God will be there through it all. This is what both I and we all must remember as we forge ahead in our own lives. That God is constant in all things, especially in wanting what's best for us, and though this at times may be a trying reality, good will come of it all in the end. Thank you Lord for all you have shown me thus far in life, and for all that is to come!
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