Learning

Every day is a learning experience, some days it makes me sick, some days I cannot think about how today counts, as much as I may or may not want it to. That this is a day that I am living and will never be able to live again, never be able to get back, so live it to the fullest. Yet, this often leads me to a fatalistic mentality, that I must try and do everything at once, but only if I let the mentality overcome my better reason. In my heart I know this is all cursory, all a preview to the life to come.

Last night, kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament, with my family around me, anticipating the beginning of Catholic Underground here in New York I felt so loved, so important, and yet so insignificant. Look at all the people God has moved to His heart, I thought as I looked from person to person adoring our God and father on the altar, yet how incredible would it be if I could help bring this number of people to Christ. From those who do not yet know Him. Do we possess the strength to do such things? I believe so, and I also believe that we cannot think too much about the end, and gravity of our lives when we do it, that is the best way to scare others away. Yet our evangelization must be both active and genuine, and then, only then will others feel drawn to what we have. Still, I often find myself falling back to a "normal" state after I have these experiences of God, but what should be our norm state. What should we fall back to if everything else goes away? What did Job fall back to? "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord!" Would we be able to say this if we lost everything? What is everything? What should everything be?

How often do we hold on to things that really do not matter? Do we put God at the center of our beings? My mom always likes to say that our faith is like our health, if we exercise occasionally, eat well every once in a while, we will not stay in shape. Similarly, if we pray and attend mass occasionally, God easily loses importance in our lives and our faith weakens. This has happened to us all. I just wish there were others out there who would challenge us to come back to our faith. Too often we heed the enticing beckoning of the prince of this world, still when we sit down and think about it, the truth sets us free, and we live lives full of purpose and happiness. And more than anything else, we know we are loved, and do not all of us seek that?