Expectations

So I was recently introduced to the Buddhist idea that all of life is suffering and thus the whole point of this journey is to escape into an enlightened state called nirvana...for some reason I do not think the band of the same name has achieved, nor leads life in such a way so as to achieve this state. That notwithstanding, my initial reaction to this idea was diametrical opposition because of the fact that we can experience pleasure and joy in this life. Pope Benedict even goes so far as to say that the love we experience on this earth lifts us up to an experience of God (Deus Caritas Est), and I must say that I have been very blessed in this life to both see and participate in these "heavenly" experiences. Yet suffering is a part of life, look at the life of Christ who took on all of our sins, our evil thoughts, deeds, and actions, then died the most horrible of deaths that is likely the most gruesome possible even by the standards of today's culture of death. We each get a little taste of that with every day that passes. No matter how much fun and joy fill one day, the next could bring a death in the family; even in marriage or the priesthood, the finding of vocation, there are inherent sufferings to be had.

What good are expectations then? They will often be left unfulfilled, the things of this life cannot completely fill the void within us, so why expect anything? I think it is better to hope and dream, to live with these in mind and to roll with what actually occurs instead of always expecting everything to turn out the way you want. Life will bring good things one day, then take them away the next; I think everyone, myself included should read Job...God stood by him through the good times and the bad, the wealth and stature, the poverty and sickness. He will do the same for us, His grace is always available to us, but we have to take up our own crosses and live for him instead of expecting Him to make everything happen the way we want...

Sleep

At times I feel so fatigued, so downtrodden, so hopeless, and I think I try to blame it on lack of sleep...yet the reality is that when there is passion in my life I can run on and on and on, and I do not really need all that much sleep. I am one who likes to stay up late and get up early, seemingly an oxymoron, but you get the taste of the unbroken, barely touched, sunrise-blessed morning, and often find yourself completely alone to enjoy it, and the late night balances this out as you sit together around a bonfire and talk while smoking a fine cigar...Life is so good, there is so much to enjoy, why waste any time? Well I have finally realized the true profundity of that question. It irritates me that I cannot find passion where I am now, but I truly believe that the change of a simple location could do everything for my outlook on life and the future time I will spend here on this earth. I swear I tell everyone I talk to something different about what I hope to do someday, but as it stands right now I can most honestly say that I am not certain, but I have determined the next step and will run from there to wherever life goes. Sleep? I find that I get too much here at times, too little in others, but the fact that I focus on it tells me something...so start spreadin' the news...

Truth

With truth we can never go wrong, because in upholding it we gain the trust and friendship of those around us, which is pivotal to our lives. Christ founded the Church so that we can develop a relationship with Him, yet also develop community with others that share our faith. Those who lie to get to the top may succeed in the short run, but will fall because they rely on no one but themselves, and as a social creature one cannot survive in this way. Sure one could have friends in the short run, but likely not the type of friends who will stand by in the tough times.

None of us tell the truth every single time we should; we all fail, but integrity is all about picking up the scattered pieces after we fall and seeking to rebuild what has been lost. Often this takes time, but it is in seeking the unachievable that we improve what we can be, and the Lord is there to give us the grace to do so. I am reminded of Thomas Merton's The Road Ahead, "But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing." We cannot achieve the perfect human condition as we are a fallen race, but we can do everything in our power to uphold what the Lord has shown us to be right in our lives. And that is truth as best I can tell...

Seasons

Do you ever wonder why sometimes it snows on the first day of Spring, or hits 60 degrees in the "dead" of winter? That is my two second description of Iowa. I wonder what New York is like....

Friends

The Lord touches our lives by the friends that He gives us. In no clearer way have I seen His work in our lives, for it is by these that are closest to us that He challenges us to imagine what more we can be and achieve, and it is also by these that He sometimes provides setbacks that He knows will make us stronger. When we are weakest we seek out the Lord in prayer, and then often our friends in consolation. What a gift the Lord has given all of us. To all those who have been such loyal friends to me I offer you my thanks and prayers. Y'all rock, let's keep fighting the battle together, for yes I can do all things through Him who strengthens me, but it is a lonely road without a community of companions.

New York, New York!!!!

So Ed scared the crap out of me today when he called and told me that he had received confirmation from Hunter College, which we both applied to, but could not find my name in the list of email addresses. But, I kept my composure and stayed in touch with reality in that I could very well go to New Orleans instead, or to the seminary as I have rediscovered many of those sentiments lately...But now we're going, I had faith and thought that they very well could have sent out more than one email, and it turns out they did!!! With trembling fingers I clicked on the email from nsantore and sure enough read the words "Congratulations!" and just about flipped my lid for joy!! (If that's even possible to do). Either way I did it, so today I start spreading the news, tomorrow I start emailing about apartments, and the next I'm off to Peru, then after that it's off to NYC for a year of unbelievable experiences!!! God is good, and He has blessed us both with an incredible opportunity to live in one of the most renowned places on earth. We will return the favor through service to the poor and underprivileged, and visits to many of His churches and cathedrals in the area!!! In many ways I don't believe it, in others I'm anxious about what we will find there, but more than anything else I am so joyful for the opportunity to explore someplace new, and se what the Lord has for us there!!!

Hope

So many times in our lives we feel a sense of loss, of uncertainty or pure abandonment. We feel as if there is nothing that could fill the hole that has been wrought inside of us, a hole that has always been there, but has never before made itself so obvious and gaping. We can take solace in the fact that everyone has a hole of this nature inside of them, yet most have found ways to fill it whether or not they be healthy means to this end. Still, even these find that the hole remains despite all their efforts to sate it. No man can fill this, neither on his own, nor by way of any other person or thing on this earth. Only the Lord can bridge the gap. As St. Augustine says, "My heart will not rest until it rests in you." Thus we must continue on in this life, wandering and feeling lonely at times, but looking ahead to the moments in which God will fill us through the good that we do, and the positive experiences we have. It is by God's grace that we survive the difficult times in our lives, that freely given, undeserved help which can fill the hole inside every one of us. The truth is that this hole keeps us going, keeps pushing us to seek this grace from the Father. This yearning will never be fully satisfied until we meet our Lord and Savior in paradise.