Blogging

I regret to say that I think I have misunderstood the concept of blogging. I initially ventured into the blogosphere as a means for expressing my thoughts for all to see and hear. At the very first I suppose this was a means for me to share with the family back home the experiences in Peru and other assorted places to which I have had the opportunity to travel over the years. I never intended to develop a readership, nor advertise on this site, nor do anything that would in any way benefit me, whether financially or in terms of self-esteem. I do not know that I went into it with the wrong ideas in my head, or whether perhaps some of the other writers in the blogosphere have it wrong. What am I to do? I wonder as to making money at a trade that consists of converting one set of words to another set of words, only that the first set is unintelligible to the readers of the second set, and vice-versa. I suppose it is only that I have a hard time financing my life with work done purely on a computer, and work whose effect I hardly ever get a chance to see. I have a high respect for the freelance translator who does nothing more than translate, and I also cannot understand sometimes how we can benefit financially from something that we compose in our minds and throw up on the internet. Should we benefit from such things? I feel at times as though everything in this world is going a hundred miles an hour and I cannot slow down to enjoy one instant of this rapidly passing time. I have these moments where I vent, center, and then move on to live life once again, but I don't know that it is possible to truly live a life of continuity that does not at some point require a stopping and a reorientation to what I want out of life.

Sometimes I pine for the simplicity of youth, for the days in which success was measured by the number of apples you could gather from the orchard, or how long you could stay in the mud-pit that you deemed a lake in the back pasture. When did life become so complicated, and why? I have been fortunate to experience many things in my young life, and I know that they are all combining to lead to a fulfilling adult life, but I cannot yet make the leap. It is as if I am stuck in neutral, and am waiting for that push that will allow the engine to start and life to continue in the way that I have both dreamed and imagined it!

Christmas is a wonderful time to be home with family and friends, and I truly cherish every moment. I wish that days could be as simple as this, and I suppose that this is always an option. To settle down right next door to mom and dad and work and live life in this way, but my heart calls me onward to something more. I yearn to return to El Salvador and Cuba and to go across the world! My heart is restless for adventures that can be neither expressed nor read in written words. I long to feel alive again, to experience fulfillment in my heart by giving to someone else on the other side of the world. By climbing that mountain, by not waiting to achieve the dreams that I have dreamed! I want to wait no longer, I need to do this. My heart is ready, and in short order so will be my circumstances.