Kent, OH

Here I am in a new town with new challenges and new places to explore, and the sense of excitement is only slightly tainted with the feelings of uncertainty that plague my mind. I had a great discussion with my buddy Mike last night about things to come next summer, and the years to follow thereafter. This whole grad school thing does not seem to fit the picture right now, or maybe the picture is too perfect for my oft random and inexplicable mode of life. I have enjoyed it up to this point, but am unsure how going back to school works itself in. Though I have always excelled in schoolwork, I can't say that it necessarily brings me passion. The passion I find lies in using the skills I have developed beyond the classroom. Some of my closest friendships have only been able to develop because of things I learned there.

I suppose a better approach to sitting here in my uncertainty is to go out and explore. But I find too that I am a rugged individualist in some ways and I shrink from having to have the official tour from my roommates. Do not get me wrong though, they are great folks; I think we are going to have an easy time of it this year. I am chilling in my room right now and have not had any interruptions whatsoever. We are also set back from the campus with a security system and everything, so there is really nothing to complain about. I love that nature is so close by here, and that there are seemingly dozens of surrounding small towns that are ripe for exploration.

For the moment then I leave you as I go out to see what I can see and report back later!!!

I've often asked God's will for my life, and it seems that every time I started to hear His still, small voice, I instead filled my mind with my own voice and achievements and dreams that I desire to realize in my lifetime. The longer I follow this path though, the more I understand that even these achievements lose their luster if they are accomplished apart from the will of God. It is not that they somehow contradict God's plan, only that He is disappointed that you choose these over Him. I still believe that there is a lot of truth in the point that many in this world will try to give us roads to follow, under the premise that they represent God's will in our lives, but these are given an initial foothold in my life because my prayer life is not strong. I would not necessarily recognize what God has for me if it fell into my lap.

However I do feel that I could do some amazing things for the Church, or for the family institution, whichever God would have for me in this life. Now I am off to graduate school with a pit in my stomach and uncertainty plaguing my mind. Maybe this is normal, or maybe this is God subtly communicating that this is not where He would have me go. I believe that God does reach out and touch us in our lives. I have rediscovered a passion for Catholic apologetics as of late, in conversation with a beautiful young lady who does not share my Catholic faith, but instead follows a more evangelical tradition. In some ways I fear what is to come for us, as we will soon be many hundreds of miles apart, but at the same time I believe that we have a role to play in one another's lives, and though I do not yet know what that is, or how long it need last, I am willing to follow as far as it may go. This very relationship has helped me to let go of the reins, which I infrequently do, and allow for the will of God and time to take its course. She has taught me patience in a way no one else has ever been able to reach me. She shows me that God can create beauty in a way that is in accord with each one of our desires. She shows me that passion for life and uncertainty about it need not be mutually exclusive, and that it is okay and even good to nourish a plethora of relationships and friendships.

I think the tendency in seeking God's will, once we have decided to favor His over our own, is to think that His is the one directly opposite our own. But then are we not just choosing for ourselves again? It is funny business, and very difficult to discern the will of God for our lives; but it is also very worthwhile. And the longer I live the more apparent that truth becomes. God knows and loves us all very deeply, and wants only the best for our lives, in communion with what is good for His kingdom. Lord please open my heart to your will and give me the strength to follow it once I know its content.

How often fear motivates our actions, and inaction ultimately makes our choices for us. I must admit that grad school and all it entails frightens me quite completely. I have never done this before, and I fear I cannot keep up with the work. I fear that I will run out of money, and that I am leaving everything important to me behind. I fear the consequences of choices I have made and those of the choices I have yet to make. Isn't life easier if we cave to these fears, and only do as much as is necessary to get by in this life?

Maybe so, but that is not living. True living is motivated by a sense of what it means to love and to reach out to those around us. If we look to love, then every action takes on more gravity. And if we consider that we have a model in Jesus Christ, then it all becomes a little clearer. Loving is not easy, as exemplified by the life of Christ. But in following His example we can live lives that extend beyond our ability to control their effects, or even to control where they ultimately lead. It is in pouring out of ourselves that we understand the depth of what lies within us. We cannot sit idly by and hope that something will come our way; that the person who appears in need, is not; that Christ came, but that His message was only for the people of His time. These are the thoughts that lead to relativism, that remove the dignity from life. For if there is no greater story, or greater truth, why live at all? Isn't then our whole existence asinine? Why were we given such a great ability to reason, beyond the capabilities of any other animal on this earth? And why did a man named Jesus Christ walk the streets of the Middle East proclaiming Himself the Son of God, if He were not? There is so much truth contained in His teachings, so much good advice to take from His Beattitudes and Commandments, that almost no one can deny the wisdom contained therein. Living a life in the way He describes does lead to a more fulfilling existence. And all of this success along with the fact that He claims to be the Son of God, one with the Father and the Holy Spirit. We cannot accept His wisdom and not accept that He is God.

Hence how does this apply to the fears that seem to often motivate my life? Well I can take heart in knowing that Christ knows my innermost being, and came to die so that I might live beyond this existence. I then have no fear of death, which is all it takes to lessen my fears about life. So what if some situation may take me to a place for reasons I do not fully understand, or that my life may be put at risk when I am following some of the deepest desires of my heart; if I do die I am assured that there is a just and loving God who will greet me upon my death, and show me the mercy that I have merited by the faith I have lived out.

The fears never go away, but they can be lessened. God loves us all and is watching out for our every move. Thank you Lord, and would that you would watch over and keep us all near your heart that we may discern your truth and live it daily for the creation of your kingdom here on earth!

La musica

Isn't music such a beautiful thing as it unites all of the feelings tthat flow through our ever-changing minds and gives them rhythm and an organization that we would not otherwise be able to express. We listen to music because there is always something familiar in the words or expressed emotions that beckons us as much as our own feelings captivate our attention and often direct our lives. It is powerful and can change our minds to think of better times or worse times. Hence the importance of surrounding ourselves with positive influences and good music that will lead us to God, and to love those around us.

My Bucket List (cosas q quiero hacer antes de fallecer)

- work on a movie set/play the part of an extra
- ser un "extra" en una pelicula
- circumnavigate the world with a friend
- circunnavegar el mundo
- travel Ireland with my father
- viajar por Irlanda con mi papa
- return to Arequipa, Peru
- volver a Arequipa, Peru
- bicycle/motorbike across Latin America
- pasear latinoamerica en bici o en moto
- fight a fire
- hacerme bombero contra un fuego
- swim with sharks (in a cage of course)
- nadar con los tiburones (claro q dentro de una jaula)
- drive a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am (black w/ Ram Air, T-top)
- conducir un ~ (negro, con Ram Air, T-top)
- live and work in a foreign country
- vivir y trabajar en un pais extranjero
- write a book
- escribir un libro
- play sand volleyball in Hawaii
- jugar voley de arena en el estado de Hawaii
- go skydiving (I think this makes many lists)
- hacer el paracaidismo (creo q esta en muchas listas asi)
- officiate a college basketball contest
- arbitrar un partido universitario de basket
- watch the sun rise over Macchu Picchu
- ver al sol soliendo sobre las ruinas de Macchu Picchu (ya hecho)

I see it in your eyes; the desire to live deeply and ask the questions that have tugged at the mind your whole life long. You want to see not what's probable, but what's possible in your short lifetime. The world goes by, and you passively with it. There has never been a moment in your life where you seized an opportunity that you made possible by your own merit. Something that you sought out and thought, "who does that?" and then went hard after it yourself. But you are stuck, your choices have been made, your life unalterably decided, your unhappiness assured. Or are you? The moment we stop dreaming is the moment that we give up control of our lives. Our dreams are what motivate us beyond the here and now, and, ironically help us to live the now more deeply. For if we are sure of what tomorrow and the endless days to follow will bring, there is not much to look forward to, not many dreams to entertain. But instead to approach each day as a new potential to realize another dream, well then the day is as a great work of literature that holds our attention and motivates us on as the protagonist in our own epic journey.

I write this because I struggle with my state in life. My dreams tell me that there is more to come, more to see, and more to live than the here and now. But this moment at times can overpower us into believing that we will never overcome it. We will never get beyond this state, never realize our dreams, never even come close. This becomes most acute for me when I am at home. Here I was not born, but raised for the majority of my life; here my parents were born, and theirs before them; here I have two "alma maters" that beckon me back for new reasons. Nearby, two of my friends are married and settled, and happy. I know that I would not be for now. All this conspires to say that I will never get beyond. For I am at heart a simple man, with simple hopes and dreams, that need not extend beyond the outer reaches of this city. And then again, only in doing so has my mind been opened as far as it is. I need not imitate the lives of the saints, nor of the billionaires of the world; I have only to strike out my own path, using the gifts God has granted me the very best I can.

I do not want to be the one with longing eyes. I want my eyes always to sparkle with the thought of another dream, another mountain to climb, another sea to traverse, another jungle to conquer. I hope that my dreams are the cause of inspiration in other eyes, and other minds. I hope that everyone seeks the chance to realize their dreams to become all that they were made to be! Let not your dreams be constant reminders of how little you have accomplished, but instead motivators for the life you desire to live. "Live and live deeply, and suck all the marrow out of life!!!"

To write

I love writing just to write, not for anyone but myself...what is writing? To adhere to rules as I do? For without punctuation, capitalization, and a common language, my meaning may at many points be marred and maybe lost. However, some of the greatest authors and poets of our time have played with the necessity of strict adherence to these rules, and have discovered the reading public delighted! But then again, how do we transfer meaning from language to another? For though the English language is so open to different interpretation and experimentation, other languages are strictly guarded and guided. The French have an institute whose sole purpose is to maintain the integrity of French, the Spanish possess a similar academy that hands down rulings on newly developed words, but we who speak English have free reign to say whatever we want and use whatever words from any language or culture we choose. Who has the better system? Well, as long as communication takes place, I suppose it is enough. But the real artists play at the fringes of these systems, constantly questioning what is right and best, and using their gifts to entertain and confuse us into admiration for what they have accomplished.

I yet wait to see where my gifts may be employed to the expansion of English and Spanish relations, and maybe even flirting with some French and Italian along the way. We shall saw what will come of this foray...

Kent State U

Initially I wondered whether I simply possess a repulsion to undergraduate school campuses, but as I have spent more time here I am more and more excited about the prospect of studying once again. Life is too short to ever cease one's quest for knowledge, and this is just another romp in that infinite field!

The campus is beautiful, but this time I do not let that be my sole promoter. I am compelled by the complexity of the program I enter, the diversity of students and people I have already found here in the middle of summer. The climate agrees with me, but as snow will soon come to drive all indoors, I care little for the impact of this observation upon my overall evaluation. Life here will be quick and there will be little time for play, but at the same time this will be good to continue to nurture and use the skilled gray matter I have been blessed with upstairs.

If I can comment on the memorial...I find it ironic that the memorials are so plain. There is an inherent contradiction in the fact that the University most likely did support the protesters, but cannot publicly adulate them for their actions. The only real outcome would have been that the university could have questioned the state's use of power, but as the university also has a vested interest in a positive relationship with the state, the question could not be proposed all that severely. Hence we have four patches of blacktop, raised slightly from the level of the lot, and each surrounded by six distinctive lightposts not three feet high. Interesting is all I have to say...

Morning Recollections

Ten o'clock. The day is still young and so many thoughts still tug at my mind. Records of last night's spanish conversation over the realities of life plays in my head, mixed with the lessons Steinbeck inscribed in his novel. There is a sad, but real truth in that money illegally obtained, is still respected as long as the truth of its illegal winning is never proven. Heck, people can even know that is likely illegal money, but the family is still respected as member of the nobility. Take the Kennedys, or the Clintons, few remember that their money came from disreputable pursuits. All that is remembered is that they have it.

Will we too sell out? Only for the short-lived glory of being able to obtain anything we might come to fancy in this temporary world? Rodrigo told the drama of coming to the end of life and having to regard our personal one in all its entirety. There we will be forced to see the problems and shortcomings to which we are blind while here, or refused to accept about our stately selves. Interestingly though, the author of the drama believes that we will also come to view investments that we passed up, that would have come to great wealth for us, but we were too much possessed of fear to jump off the cliff of uncertainty.

I think every one of us desires financial security. No one wants to wander about begging for their next meal, or even having to consider finances as he spends. Of these I am the greatest, spending when it is there and buying nothing when it is not. I believe this is the sole luxury of a single man, for if my current job fails there are a million others begging to be tried, and my track record shows limited failure. For with a family, comes stability, a secure lodging within a community, and hence a lodging within some social strata as well. Too often it seems the wife is all too aware of this reality and it torments her, and hence the man is driven to find some way to better provide for and luxuriate the existence of his partner and progeny.

There is an interesting quandary here too, for the younger man sooner promises himself to his bride, and with more financial struggles is able to grow a family richer in youth, and in truth. For the young man can give life to many more children than his middle-aged, financially more secure counterpart. There is an allure to a youthful marriage as well, for as we all know the young are more romantic than the old. It is for us to choose individually, but at some point when we find one with whom the vocation of marriage can thrive, we decide which course we wish to take.

This is not meant to be a dream world, where everyone gets the same great results from life. No, some of us choose well and lead a difficult, but rewarding existence; others choose poorly, and despite all of the hard work that may follow for the them, the reward is always the same stark, unforgiving reality. Yes, some of us were predisposed to certain choices, before we understood what we chose by choosing them, but all of us at some point come to a realization, whether we deny it or not, that we have chosen the life that we are living. Therefore, we also get to choose what we want to do with tomorrow and the uncertain days to follow. I think the view of Rodrigo's drama is a great one to accept. No matter what transpired before you, to effect you to be the person you are; who and what do you want to see in that film that will replay before your very eyes at the end of your life?

Thanks!!!

This goes out to all my volleyball players, with whom I have become such great friends, and was so fortunate to lead through one of the most amazing seasons of my short life. I still cannot believe how much success we had, but found that true relationships and good friendships are built through living our lives together. To run away and seek only for ourselves would not bring this same level of satisfaction, this level of joy, and assurance of being loved. During every huddle, every practice, every match all I had to do was to look into any one of your eyes to see the passion there and the desire to give everything for the cause of the team! Unfortunately this passion is unmatched in the world at large, the working, bill-paying public cannot fathom the depths of our experience this year. I only wish they could, and pray that they will find their passion in a constructive activity.

As we grow, we leave the things of our youth: games, sandboxes, certain toys; but I believe we always yearn to have that feeling again. Being a part of something, thriving on every moment, and anxiously awaiting every future moment to come. This well describes the volleyball season of this past year. Every new match was a new challenge that I could not wait to see you all through. In my heart, and in truth, we were never beaten until that final game. And should we have opportunity to play it again, I have no doubt that we would play it differently and give our opposition a different look.

I cannot describe the joy that I felt last night, looking at all of you guys celebrating a season well-played, and lives well-lived! You are so fortunate, and I am so fortunate to have had you as a part of my life. I love you all very much and look forward to seeing the great things that you will accomplish with your lives. Let only your dreams be the limit. And if you ever want to discuss what that means, I would love to oblige!!! God bless and keep you. Go out there and get 'em!!!

In a poetry mood...

It seems every time I get up the gall to post something new on here it takes the form of a poem, but I think it is such a beautiful contrast that poetry can be so concise and yet convey a deeper message than words written in prose. My father and I discussed yesterday that those possessions of ours which took the most time to be created have the greatest meaning for us. In other words, consider a photograph, which in most cases took only a split second to create; we ponder it for the equal split second and then move on to the next. However, should we find an old letter from a former girlfriend, from a parent, friend, or sibling; we treasure it as gold before us, savoring every word, and then reading it again and again. Prose is easy, poetry takes time; let us savor the gift John Donne gave to the world:

For Whom the Bell Tolls

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

I like this poem...

I believe this holds a lot of truth for those who see and understand and hence can accomplish anything in this world. It is interesting that the author cites two cities; Nineveh and Babel that both eventually caught the wrath of God for their being overly consumed by thoughts of themselves. I do not think that God has only wrath for the movers and shakers of this world, but I think that these same need to hold themselves always accountable to the greater power, who will always be greater no matter our efforts to overthrow Him. Pride is an extremely powerful thing, that eventually can take hold of even the most reverent and humble man; simply because he is a man and hence susceptible to the wiles of the prince of this world.

With that thought, enjoy....


Ode

We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.

-- Arthur O'Shaughnessy

To write...

Takes a level of concentration, imagination, understanding of language, and depth of vocabulary that daunts me. Yet I continue my feeble attempts, hoping at the very least that my words will someday prove wisdom to a future clouded me. Something draws me to write, to language, to the power that is inherent within it, to how impossibly far it sets us apart from the other animals. We can not only speak and form ideas, but can immortalize them in words, books, Scripture...Yet they often seem to have a life of their own. I write, and then ideas come to me, stream of consciousness I think it was called in my high school years; now it is natural to me, and is simply writing. I do not like to constrain what I write about, or even why. There does not need to be a reason, nor a theme, nor a goal. But the mystique for me is that all my jumbled thoughts put down on paper may cause you to think, reconsider, question, and ultimately ask. Thus, the power works.

If you could write, what would you write about? This question is somewhat ironic, because likely those possessing the ability to read it, would also possess the ability to write. Still, one can write, and still not appreciate what it means to really write; to write for writing's sake, to write to think, to write to inspire hope or anarchy. It is the difference between talking and speaking, chatting and conversing. One leads to something, the other usually goes in a circle, left only to be continued along the same rut that always comes back to the same. I may be the greatest hypocrite here because my writing frequently is only self-examination, but I like to think that with every sentence my self-knowledge grows, and hence my insights become deeper and more helpful, more self-perfecting.

With age though too, my mind seems less able to focus on these things for great portions of time, my mind sooner wearies of these unending questions as to the meaning of life and my role within it. Still, maybe we require new horizons and atmospheres to inspire us, to help us to question, and ultimately see the great truth. That life is greater than we, that we cannot figure everything out here, that some of our answers can only be found in place that is not of this world.

Maybe that's why I write, or shall I say the most significant reason why. To try to figure out anything and everything that it is possible to figure out in this life, without God's answers. Someday He will tell us everything that we agonized to know in this world. You may find my search frivolous and unimportant, but it is the only reasonable search we can undertake in this life.

Life

Right now I think so often about the future, I wonder whether I am doing the right thing...I second guess every decision, and yet I suppose the more important point is that I make the decision at all. I know there are others out there with problems much more severe and complex than my own, and speaking with and attempting to console them often helps me to see that I am doing fine. However, as the adage goes..."From those to whom much has been given, much is expected." And yet this "much" manifests itself differently for each one of us who have made our decisions such that we have the freedom to do virtually anything. One of my very good friends works for a seed company that sends him to work in Puerto Rico for this portion of the year; another is on the verge of setting out on his own as a freelance photographer; still another works at her dream job with high school kids in a Jesuit school in Colorado; and another of my favorite stories, my friend the Marine and my friend his lovely wife prepare to be stationed in Hawaii! I still cannot believe that by the way...And here I am with all the gifts and skills in the world, with more interests than a hyperactive kid in a candy store, and I am unsure of what to do. I do believe that we need one another, and I believe this is why I am here right now, and I know the time will come for me to move on to the next step in life. I find it funny that I get this way every winter, as everything seems to slow down, and then by summertime I will have another three thousand plans to choose from. I guess I need a good friend and a good cigar, and all my nerves will settle down. I want to send out special thanks to Julie who inspired me to seek that which I love, today! Jules you are the best, and you are such a leader, following your own path to becoming the best version of yourself, even as you pass along advice and inspiration to others who search at the same time.

The Christian idea of love; your God with all your heart, mind, body, and soul; and your neighbor as yourself; only makes sense in practice. For to think about it logically it would seem fruitless and foolish to love and pray for your enemy, and any others who you may or may not like, or that may or may not like you; but in the end it does make sense. They may be there for you the next time you need a helping hand, or may give you the connection you need to continue to pursue your dreams. What good is it to make enemies when there are so many friends out there to be had? And it is precisely to these friends that I turn for help in my above-described dilemma, for they often know me better than I know myself, and can push me to my greatest potential! I am so grateful for all of you, and for my family as well, who has always been there through every trial and crazy turn along the way. But most of all I am, as all of us are, eternally endebted to our God and Father, Who gave us the opportunity to live this crazy life and suck from it every joy and sorrow, to His greater glory!

God you are so good. I turn to you too as a friend to aid me as to where You would have me go next. For you are my Creator, and I hope to lead my life as an example of your love, and ultimately to live with You in Paradise!

A country song about life

"And I never wanted nothing more..." Great words from a great country artist, a man who seems to grasp so much of life and yet still search for contentedness. Kenney Chesney is still single, has not really committed to any particular lifestyle beyond being a major country music writer and star, and yet that does not stop him from possessing wisdom. And I am thankful every day he comes on the radio and shares it with the world. His work is profit-driven of course, but I think there is more to it than that. If we really get a hold on what we are talented at, we can do it, and with some tweaking, make a profit at it and live a financially successful life. The reality that we are doing what we love will drive us to personal success and wisdom as well.

Well, I have not yet found what that is for me, but listening to talk radio and country music over the past couple of months has sure helped me get a better grasp on what's most important in life. We first have to find a means to provide for our existence. No one of us asks to be born, but we are here, and this is both a great gift, and at times a great burden. Because to be here means that we have to live, we have to contribute, or we will not survive; or at least that's the way it should be for all men and women who are capable of contributing. We must be prudent in this so that our contributions to the world, will not only help the world grow, but will also help us to grow. If we are stagnant in what we do it will reflect on every aspect of our lives. Once we have found this, then we are capable of providing for a family, doing good works; living a life for Christ in whatever capacity we choose. We must recognize the importance of contributing, but also realize that it is only a means to an end. Why did the first immigrants to this country farm the land? Because they had to to in order for their family to survive. We have moved so far away from that reality now. Careers are now viewed as more important than building a strong family. Work consumes the life of the worker, rather than the worker consuming the fruits of his work. Let us not forget that what are most important; bigger than any career or job, are our relationships with one another, and principally with our own family.

Search well for your career and vocation, for it will be your livelihood, but remember too that despite the greater amount of time that you will spend working, this time must drive you to spend greater quality time with the ones you love. Would that we could all find our individual niche, for then we could experience joy approaching that which we someday hope to experience in heaven, and "never want nothing more."

For evil to flourish...

What do the good men do in the United States of America? Well, often those of us who have been so fortunate as to have been raised in a home where morals are upheld, and good consciences are formed are sent off the wonderful blessing of education. We often become idealistic, and believe the world can be broken down into good and bad and there should not be too many problems in distinguishing these; strangely maybe, since we surmise this in a sheltered world, that this is true. There are black and white issues that need to be addressed as such. Yes, there is plenty of gray in the world as well and it needs to be considered, but the problem arises when the gray prevents us from taking action in the pursuit of the good. Anything that we have learned to be good can be twisted; if it be by a crooked politician, an agenda-driven instructor, or a misguided parent; and we have to realize this, and understand that this is evil trying to worm it's way in. The Devil is very much alive in this world, and he works through imperfect human beings to try and foil the Lord's desire, which is that we would freely choose to love and serve Him, and that this love would show in the works that we do on this earth.

Once we realize that evil can find its way into anyone's mind, even our own, we understand that we can rely on our conscience, we can rely on those around us who live lives of goodness and charity to show us the truth; that a degree of goodness can be realized in this world. Hence we who understand this truth must not stop at this conclusion. For to rid the world of evil, we have to separate it from those who perpetrate this evil. Unfortunately, man can be dominated by the absence of good, by a desire for harm; but in most cases man is misguided or confused by the imperfect lives he has lead, and so we need to be able to separate the "actor" from the "act", and the "evil" from the person. Man can be freed from evil. He can convert, learn, understand and recognize truth. However in the world of today, he is often not presented with such an opportunity. Thus it is to us to speak the truth that we learn from the Almighty and from the good in the community that surrounds and nurtures us; for if we do nothing, then nothing will stand in the way of the spread of evil. For to complete the quote that heads this post, "All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."


And what good can we do? We may not be the best speakers, or even conversationalists to be able to share the truth. But we all do have a gift. As Matthew Kelly describes in his "Rhythm of Life" we all have an ability to do one particular thing better than anyone else in the world, and our lives are a quest to find that gift, talent, or skill; and then to use it. We can call this self-actualization. Whatever you are best at can contribute, and if you have any doubts, consider this: it is not what we do, but how we do it. Do everything with integrity, courage, and prudence, and you will show that you stand for what is good and true. When the opportunity arises to discuss the issues of our day, I would hope that we could all stand up on the side of what is good and right, but this is difficult and not all of us may be capable of confronting, or enduring a confrontation. But it is how we live and what we do in the interest of what is good and right that prevents evil from flourishing. Yes relationships are important and good, but would we not take the chance of losing one in the hope that someone may see the truth? For if successful, how much stronger and more powerful might that relationship be?

Be strong my friends. Strengthen your belief in what is good, live it, learn to stand up for it; evil does not stand a chance!

What's next?

Living life to the fullest means times of uncertainty, at least in my situation. For some life has a path, that must be followed to the very end, which of course is death, and for them this is satisfaction. For others, life must always be changing; moving with the ebb and flow of life, and the energy that surges in us one day and leaves us vacant the next. I hope to somehow find a happy medium between the two, because the security of the first appeals to me, but then again the latter is who I truly am, maybe a revelation to me, but to you all who know me so well, just a reiteration of what you always knew! Knowing this more fully now, I know that the future must hold a little bit of everything. I do not think I want to work for a company for a number of years and then get married, retire and live out my life taking cruises. No, I would prefer not to retire; to work for the money I earn, to gain as many experiences possible along the way, and to live out who I am most fully in the vocation I choose. I have so many thoughts from day to day that constantly lead me away from settling down, that lead me to travel, try new things, conquer new mountains, and the thought of buying a home, though appealing, just does not fit in the picture right now. I have a wonderfully loving family who is willing to put up with me, but then again have I worn out my welcome? I am 22 years old, fast coming up on 23, with a college education, all the skills and God-given talents, values and morals that have allowed me to live a free and amazingly blessed life up to this point. And yet we come to a crux, or more appropriately deemed, a point on a line that has yet to take up a new direction. I believe this line must ultimately lead to a more clearly defined area in which I will find the career and vocation that most clearly allows me to actualize as a person. Yet I also know that finding this to perfection is next to impossible in this fallen world in which we live. Still, I seek, and hope to find, knock on as many doors I can, until the next one opens. Just waiting now for a sign, or a twinge of the heart as to which door that might be...

Unpredictable...

Life has taught me that yes, we can plan to a certain degree, we can even try to take the wheel completely, but in the end, if we stay in touch with our innermost selves, and maintain a close relationship with the Lord we find that we end up choosing paths we never imagined taking. Life becomes a beautiful synthesis of making our own choices while at the same time following the various opportunities and challenges that the Lord places along our path. Thus free will lives, but I believe that if we are meant to do something in this short lifetime, and we somehow miss the opportunity to do it, the Lord will present the opportunity again. It may appear completely different, but truly even the things that we chose instead were preparing us for our ultimate destiny. I like the idea that each one of us has some one thing that we can do better than anyone else in the entire world, and life is a journey seeking to determine what that might be. We do many things along the way, but ultimately feel drawn to that which will fulfill us. That is if we are strongly enough self-aware. Seek self-knowledge and understanding, because with this we can learn to move mountains in whatever field the Lord has predisposed to us!

Seize the opportunities that you encounter every day, look for the talent that you can most strongly present to the world, even if it be something obscure. Fight the fear and uncertainty, for in the end they will not be the things that you remember, and even if you do fail, you will remember more clearly what you achieved! Go get 'em!!!

Reality Check

It will never happen to me...what happened to the girl down the street, to the guy on the news, to that girl on the TV show; that sort of stuff never really happens anyway...and then it does. I cannot explain the feeling it gave me, an inability to help in any way, an uncertainty as to how to proceed. Truly we realize in these moments that this world is not of our Lord, Thomas a Kempis had even reminded me that morning in my daily devotional, but I did not take heed until the phone call came later on that morning. Now I do not know what to do, but again, as I am constantly reminded, it is more often who we are to one another rather than what we do. I am saddened that such a profound truth was rammed home by such a profound tragedy, but alas, we are not of this world, and with every step we take in it, that is one more closer to our true home.

The Harvest

Life here seems simple at first blush. The trees, the corn, the gravel roads; the stars at night all make you think deeply about the creation of the world and our connection to it. Everything here seems to live in harmony; man working with nature to provide for his livelihood. Only that in truth he has to work a second job during the day, or work endless hours employing at least a dozen workers to provide enough of the golden crop to possibly cover the expense of producing it. Yet when one does not think about such things, life remains simple. Maybe this is why so many people in the world hesitate to take any level of responsibility, for who in their right mind wants more headaches? Then again, these headaches are what make life worth living. For where is the ecstasy in a moment of pure silence and solitude if it is not offset first by a day filled with noise and distraction? Life is an endless pairing of opposites, and we are often spurred to hate one or the other of the extremes, in order that we draw nearer to the other. This is the work of the one who would undermine us. For to avoid responsibility is a negative, as well as to be overbearing in one's responsibilities, hence we must find the balance; and it is in this balance that peace is possible in this life on this earth.

I am grateful to Kyle and his family, as well as to the Wessels' farm operation for this incredible opportunity to experience the fruits of this world as I never have fully before. Would that we all would take any opportunity to draw nearer to the natural world, which ever so subtly always draws us back to our Creator. God bless and keep you all as fellow members of His creation.