Certainty

Unfortunately it seems that nothing is certain in life except for the love of God. It is always there during the day, at the end of the day, and in the morning no matter what kind of morning it is. We all must choose in what capacity we want to experience that love. Where do we want to be in our lives. Do we enjoy what we are doing? Are we afraid to embrace the choices we have made? Do we feel we have made the wrong choices? Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to live life had I decided to let my mind go by the wayside, had I let my passions govern me, had I not tried so hard to live the life that now makes me wonder if I shall ever have peace. I can so relate with San Manuel Bueno, Martir, though I am nothing compared to his piety. He converted his whole village, but in his heart never believed. I believe, but I can convert no one because my heart is not there. I have difficulty explaining it, but I hope you begin to see what my struggle is from day to day. God will be there to help me through. Sometimes I think these are just incidents of whining, but then I realize that they are things that maybe no one ever talks about, and I am called to share them. I love sharing these things because I have no shame, I want you to see my struggles and maybe learn something from them. In this moment I am not sure where to go except straight ahead. I recall the verse from the Hispanic, charismatic group in Brooklyn, "keep God in your heart, your eyes on the prize, and then run for it without looking back!" This I will try to do, please share your own insights as well. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Peace.

Frustrations

Having been here a week, I would have hoped that I would be a bit more excited about the prospects of working on a cruise ship and sailing the Caribbean, but I don't know if I'm feeling it. I hear about others making great sales, but as I look at what we have available I am not completely sure I believe in what I am doing. I am gaining a great knowledge of art, but I am getting disillusioned with the whole idea. It is a very transient existence, with many people preparing to leave, and many people drinking nightly. I don't know what I am supposed to take from this. Last night I was so frustrated that I wanted to yell, but there is not necessarily that opportunity. I am to go to mass here, and I look forward to that. I pray that He will show me where I am to go. I have signed a contract and will live it out, but only by the grace of God go I. Maybe that is why I am here, to learn how to live life, how to appreciate all of its elements. I think it is in the more challenging times in our lives that God teaches us the most.

I don't know where I am supposed to go in this life. I like where I am, the idea behind it, but the actual process of living it tires me and I don't know. I do know, and then I don't. Sometimes I want the path back, but then I make another choice that sends me somewhere completely different.

God is good and He will help me. Truly my heart will not rest until it rests in you. Right now I will not rest, I will study, I will learn, I will avoid those things that keep me down. I will strengthen my relationships though I don't know why I feel that I cannot connect with people like I used to. What am I missing? What am I not doing? I need to strengthen my spiritual life. So help me God.

Barbados

Before I forget, here is a basic day in the Caribbean aboard the ms Veendam of the Holland America Cruise Line. Again I work for Park West Galleries, the world’s largest original works art dealer. As an art associate I cover all the small things, sell works to people before the auction begins, setup rooms, help the auctioneer in any way I can. Right now it is a lot of fun, because everything is so new and I make myself a more valuable component every day. We truly are a team. Andrew is wonderful to work with, one of the most forgiving and patient people I know who has developed tremendous relationships with people around the ship. Though I too have done my fair share in the past six days. My friend Yulianna complemented my people skills, saying I am easy to talk to and that I will have no problems aboard this ship. That is a sigh of relief for me, because I have endured some trials in my life that have left me unsure of myself. One big advantage to auctioneering is that it calls you to be confident and genuine in all situations. I have always been a very genuine person, but meshing that with eternal confidence has proven a challenge for me. Last night I did a mediocre presentation on Dali and Chagall, Andrew there the whole time to point out where I can improve. This is by far one of the greatest opportunities of my life. I see the world, learn how to sell things, learn about art which has always fascinated me, and get to know more and more people every day. The introductions really never cease as the turnover for passengers and crew is so high. The only downfall to this will be the sorrow of parting, as well as a sense of the transience of life. I do not fear that I will miss my family or friends too much, I know that they are well, and they know that I am well as well.

Ok, today…Woke up after an evening of cards and 75 cent Corona beer. A great time of spoons where one man could not get his stuff together no matter how much we tried to help him, it was very comical! This morning I woke at 7:00am, ready to head out for Barbados, then I rolled back over and slept til 7:45. Life’s tough, hey? Made it to the dock late, so my group had already left. I caught up in a taxi and was treated to one of the greatest physical experiences of my life! We climbed aboard a yacht of about 35 tons, 12 feet long, and over 100 feet tall with the mast. We cruised the Caribbean waters, so blue that you can see right to the bottom. Absolutely incredible. A nice three hour ride later I knew most of the people on the boat, including Mary. Mary is a woman in the autumn of her life, but she’s treating like the summer of her senior year of high school! She has found another man to accompany her in life, after her own husband passed, then has traveled the Caribbean with him, and remarked to me today that this yacht trip was the pinnacle of all her cruise experiences! Paints quite a picture doesn’t it? Funny that her name was Mary, and that she was in many ways similar to you Mary, now killin it at Costco, yet further along down the road. She has picked up the pieces and moved on, just as you have, and she has ultimately found happiness. I realize that more and more wherever I go. The skipper on the boat today was the epitomy of contentment. He visibly relishes every moment of what he does, and is one of the most pleasant-natured men I have met. What a life to live! He sails for six months at a time at sea, with rotations for three hours of sleep. Great guy.

After a bit of lunch at the shop, a few purchases and we’re back onboard, I prepared to set up for our silent auction this evening in our very own art gallery. It’s pretty cool and I hope that it will attract a bit more business this evening. With the grace of God we will sell a few things. Andrew is still driving the boat in regard to these events, but he is very open to my input. Cornel has been awesome in getting everything set up for our events, and I am very thankful that I was not responsible for everything that he does directly upon arrival to the ship.

The guy I replace, Gordon, seems to have been an interesting character. He dated the girl who complemented me, who by the way is teaching me Russian in exchange for a Spanish lesson. The crew onboard is largely Filipino and Indonesian, some of the most generous and kindest people I know. Yesterday one guy by the name of Miftah offered me his soccer shoes and socks so that I could replace my sandals and play! I turned him down, but the thought that was there overwhelmed me. I am truly learning how to live as a community, how to qualify and not to judge, how to speak publicly and personally, how to sell, how to follow God (there is Mass onboard). God is so good in granting all of these lessons; I wait daily for what the next one will be. I cannot wait to see what else He will teach me today. I hope you all are well, and please know that God can teach us no matter where we go. We must keep ourselves close to Him, and then He will do the rest.

“My heart will not rest until it rests in you my Lord.” - St. Augustine, posted on a school of the Christian Brothers in Dominica

Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands....

These did not seem like the uncharted, virgin islands I had imagined. Everything catered to tourists, and I am quite positive they come every day. I am beginning to wonder if there are still any uncharted parts of this world. One of my friends aboard ship inspired me today by sharing how her boyfriend had spent some time teaching English in an Asian jungle. Maybe that will be the next step. Yet still, I feel there is something that all of this cannot touch, cannot fulfill within me. I find it funny how we all live life differently, and some of us realize more quickly than others of us, what it is that we truly need. I suppose that is our beauty, that we all need live our individual life to our individual goals, and in so doing discover our unique persona.

Puerto Rico gave me an opportunity to speak Spanish, and I got some comments on my language skills, such that I think I need to find a job in the future where I would make better use of my skills. For the time being, this job is a challenge in that we are trying to sell artwork to persons who are my grandma's age, and they are not very quick to part with their money. It is a challenge that I relish, because I feel the only thing missing is a strong rapport, something that my auctioneer understands. Yet he is only able to reach a segment of the population. So I bring the skills that can reach the other portion, and hopefully thus together we will conquer the objections that stand there before us and have so far prevented this ship from being very successful. I am glad for my placement and look forward to our next auction. But first life is rough in that we must spend 6 more days in a row in ports throughout the Caribbean, starting tomorrow with Dominica, the island where they filmed "Pirates".

I hope that you are all staying warm! I say that not in jest, just in wonder that I am worried about getting sunburned in the middle of February. God bless and keep you!!!!

Tampa!!!

So, after being held transfixed by the landscape of clouds above Tampa, we descended to the unfortunate reality that my first day in Florida is overcast, though the temperature is around 60 degrees so it's not too bad!! Tonight I will spend in a hotel that does not have wireless internet, so I am still at the airport using the free wireless! I know I'm cheap, and I think in Spanish it's "tacano" or "codo". I think those capture it a lot better than the English adjective "cheap". I like it here so far, though I think one of the most difficult things to overcome on the cruise will be the heat! Up in the northern states we complain about the cold temperatures, but in reality I think the lower states and the Caribbean actually get tired of the heat. I got a taste of it in Peru where it was sunny every day we were there (it never even looked like it was going to rain), but there it got cold at night so I got a taste of both worlds!!!

I must admit that sales challenges me to adapt my abilities, but not in a bad way. All we do as salesman is help a client to find that which they desire to have. And with these clients they often do not have to worry about the price. I don't know that I can fathom that. Actually I know I cannot yet, because after a mock sale at training I succeeded in selling a work to a man for over $100,000, and so I was happy and walked away when in reality I could have sold him much more than just that!

Life is a learning process, and I am going to borrow from my friend when I say that I do not yet feel prepared to make the grand decision of my vocation in life and so this particular employment provides the luxury of getting to work and save some money while traveling the world and working on my people skills. What more could a single 22 year old man who loves people ask for? I thank God for this opportunity and look forward to sharing all that I learn with you. Please keep in touch and let me know what God has led you to in your own lives.

God bless and keep you always.

Is this heaven?

No...it's not. Why not, because nothing is ever as easy as it seems. Because this world tells you one thing then comes and slaps you in the face. Because you think you have it, then reality says "Ha Ha! Gotcha!!!" Sales is by no means easy. I need a car, sell me one. I need a dog, find me one that jumps on my kid and licks him to death so I cannot turn down your offer. Make me an offer I cannot refuse.

Reminiscent of The Godfather hey? Now imagine something else. Sell me a work of art. Better yet I will sell you a work of art, and right now you don't even understand what you're looking at. To you it might as well be a blank canvas, or even better a work that your 3 year old child created with his fingers. Imagine the most demanding person you know, imagine trying to sell him a work of art you know nothing deep about. Imagine that you have not been running on a lot of sleep. Imagine that what you have given has not been enough nor does it seem that the future will bring much improvement.

This is what I endure...Why? Because by next year I will be selling you that work of art, I will be able to understand it more clearly myself, I will...Yet, what about today, what about now? I am as much a salesman now as I will be tomorrow. I make you an offer you cannot refuse. Either you give it your all now, or you will live your whole life wondering what would have happened had you given more.

Here is my life right now. Learn from it what you can. The biggest point? We are who we are now, we can be who we can be, yet we must always appreciate who we are.

Apocalypto

Wow. That is all I can say after such a movie. To be very honest I do not quite understand where Mel Gibson is coming from with this one. As an aficionado of all things Latin American, it was interesting to see the way he portrayed the Aztecs or Mayans, or any other group who held power prior to the arrival of Cortes. The movie could have represented any one of these, maybe even the Incas though they were not so violent as the group portrayed in the movie.

Pro-life. I don't necessarily see it, although I enjoyed the fact that the protagonist's wife lives in the end, along with their son and newborn (born underwater) child. Justice is served in the movie for one man, and yet the others died so that he might live. I am struggling in all of this to derive the overall message. The actors did a phenomenal job, and the set, or environment if you will was also tremendous. However I cannot take a heart-warming quip from this movie, and maybe I am not supposed to. The only point I can offer is that I kept thinking of the modern tendency to romanticize the past, and modern means whatever time you live in. Man has always done this, because the improvements are so slight and often the losses more visible such that only the losses and failings of the coming years stick in our minds. This movie teaches us that it was not all fun and games in the past, that men had to fight for their food, that plagues ravaged the lands unchecked, that plants were scarce, and that men committed unbelievable atrocities against one another without any recourse to a UN or NATO or what have you? Maybe we should appreciate what we have a little more, instead of always wishing for the past to return. And maybe in this we have discovered the pro-life message. That even in a time of unchecked war and violence between men, life was sought (the man who could not produce children), life was treasured (the newborn baby at the end; the children left unharmed in the village). How can we, in an organized and law-governed society that feigns to uphold human rights murder our own children? Our own livelihood? The greatest and most powerful gift that we (with the aid of a certain Someone) can accomplish on this earth. To give life to another. Life and all the gifts and capabilities it entails, is the most valuable gift God has given us. Anything we try to make with our own hands always turns out lesser in dignity than our very selves. But in begetting a child we produce something equal in dignity. And so I ask: How do we place so much value on the things of this world, and yet not value the very life that allows us to want these things?

Life truly is the greatest gift we have been given.

Thus through the blood, forest, jewelry and varying personalities we have found meaning in Mel's movie. I hope to at some point learn his purposes in creating the film, however if he started the talk about it being pro-life, I do not think we are too far off in these observations and conclusions.

May we all do what we can to preserve the sanctity of life, not by yearning for yesterday or dreaming about tomorrow, but instead by living this very moment and seeking to begin a new chapter in our treatment of human life.

Every high priest is taken from among men and made their representative before God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. He is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and erring, for he himself is beset by weakness and so, for this reason, must make sin offerings for himself as well as for the people. No one takes this honor upon himself but only when called by God, just as Aaron was. In the same way, it was not Christ who glorified himself in becoming high priest, but rather the one who said to him: "You are my son; this day I have begotten you"; just as he says in another place: "You are a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek." In the days when he was in the flesh, he offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered; and when he was made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him, declared by God high priest according to the order of Melchizedek.

-Hebrews 5:1-10

God indeed seemed to speak to us this past Monday as we had a tremendous tour of the Cathedral thanks to a man I will not soon forget. His humor and mannerisms make me think of how I may be in a few years!!! I thank God for Simon and Michael, who are both my elder and taught me so much in the short time we spent together. So often I get caught up in the business world, in trying to find a job, that what is truly important leaves my mind. However God is always there, quite often physically, to draw us back into reality. Accepting the reality of His life, of what He did for us, may in some ways seem crazy, yet living a life for Him we discover that in living apart from Him we were truly the crazier men. For though we accept many mysteries with Christ, it is only in leaving some things to God, that we can lead truly sane lives.

Fr. Luke, thank you for all you have shown me and done. I believe that everyone who gets to know you feels very close to you, that they can share their deepest thoughts, doubts, and dreams. And you are always so genuine, helpful, and loving. You show what it truly means to be humble and to give with all that you have to a world that so often only seeks to take. May God continue to bless you in His ministry, there are few who could do as great a job as you are doing.

Is the priesthood so radical? Devoting life to the One who gave it to us. Serving His people in the Church; teaching, loving, helping, feeding both physically and spiritually. God has called so many, and yet He needs many more. I imagine the freedom of serving Him every day, and yet am frightened by the prospect of loneliness. I know not what I seek, but believe that in continuing to seek I will ultimately find my life call. Thank you to all who have helped me along the way. I realize that everything I have tried is empty if God is not a part of it. And that the things I enjoy take on so much more life when I bring God into them.

A Journey through my thoughts

What makes for a life well lived? Well, society would tell us that we need to get a career, then move up until we are making six figures a year, have a car that no one else can buy, buy food that costs six times what it's worth, have 1.5 kids, a wife or husband that of course will always adore you, and a house that is ten times larger than you actually need. And these, of their own accord, will bring happiness. As Christians we seek something different, yet the very fact that that difference is not explicitly defined makes living it all the more difficult. It seems that everything society tells us we need, our faith tells us we need to part ourselves from. I do not say that we do not need money, the need for this has been the obsession of my mind lately as I just got out of school and am currently unemployed, but instead we must earn our living, and live our lives differently. Parting ourselves from worldly pursuits. Not pursuing the ever elusive greenest grass, nor pursuing power for its own sake, but instead following the path that God has put in our lives. Sometimes this idea scares the heck out of me as I think of many ways that people serve the Lord that I absolutely could not do, but that's ok, the Lord has a different plan for me than He has for these others. I believe that in our particular calling in life we will feel most alive. Does this mean that it will be easy to find this calling? Does this mean that pursuing the calling will be easy? Absolutely not. We will encounter and overcome adversity in whatever form it takes, even if it comes from within our very selves, which is so often the case. Why do we fear? We have nothing to lose. Should we lose our lives, we know what God has promised for our time afterward, and giving our lives to Him every day we should have no fear for what will come. Yet where is the balance? How do we live a satisfying life, and still pour all we have into the pursuit we have chosen? Is is possible to do? Last night I was exhausted, and thought that going home would have been the best choice, but instead I went to a Catholic youth group, and it was there that I understood that I am freed from my past. Freed from the sins that I have committed. Any one I ever committed, and any one I have yet to commit, died with Christ on the cross. He removed the sin from my soul. And how do I thank Him? By letting fear overcome my will to succeed, letting doubt take the place of hope in my life? Allowing love to go to only those who love me? I must say no to all of these questions, no matter how hard life gets, no matter how much I doubt, how much I sin, no matter how much fear stands in my way, I will not despair for You are my rock. Take away my past, wash it from my memory, cleanse me from sin, allow me to accept Your mercy and grace, for none is greater than You! None other than You could have done what you did! Your love overcomes all my hate, and all the other darknesses that may fill my heart and mind. Sin will no longer have a hold on me for You are God and You will give me strength to endure my trials, and then when I can take it no longer, You will pick me up and carry me through; just as You will one day carry me home. Yet this not a minute before I accomplish Your will on this earth. To You be the glory always.

mixed feelings...

...about what is to come. You ever really feel like you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and it scares the hell out of you? This is how I feel about 90% of the time anymore, and it drives me absolutely nuts!!! I wish I just knew what would transpire in the next few weeks so I would not have to be so uptight!!! It's so funny, tests, quizzes, and challenging professors used to get me so worried, but anymore I really don't care too much about any of that. I finished out my final semester with all A's and a B+, ironically in my only Spanish class, the last one I needed to complete my major in the field;-) I suppose not much changes since I had like all honors classes and two AP courses, except for one basic typing course. Guess how I came out. Yep, all A's and a B in the typing class! What can you do? It seems that this is the way life turns out so often. Sometimes I wish I would have chosen a more challenging major for undergraduate, but as it is I spent a lot of time with friends and learned a lot about how to deal with people, what makes them tick and what they need, this of course in addition to getting more confused about what I personally need in my life. Life...I just commented the other night to a friend of mine how easy it was when we were younger, not having to think about all of these different things. There were things that needed to be done, like sleep, eat, watch TV, read, play, and play some more. Maybe that is why we men and women are so drawn toward one another, in that our relationship would give so much more meaning to our lives. When we do something simply for ourselves it quickly becomes dull, and I have so many times heard it said, as well as have experienced the power in experiencing things together, instead of simply on our own. On this note I would like to thank all of you with whom I spent time in Peru: Franny, Meg, Chris, Nate, Beth, Emily, Emily, Meg, J-dog, Nancy, Kathy, Jess, of course Connie, Kristen, everyone from the Mount Mary group; we became like a huge family. Of course with our own quarrels, as well as happy moments, all I know is that I never felt homesick in Peru, a sentiment that was quite acute during parts of my time in New York.

I miss you all, and look forward to seeing you all again. Yet I read a book recently, and I will try my best to follow the advice even as I pass it on to you. Follow your dreams, seek out the path that fulfills your hopes and dreams, and on which you would have the greatest capacity to love those around you. As much as it pains me to leave once and again, I know that eventually I will find what I need to find for myself, and then in that moment can bring that joyfully back and settle down for whatever the rest of my life will bring. This does not mean that we stop living, by any mark, but instead that we must follow our dreams to their fruition, the deepest desires of our hearts, and that then we can be content with settling down. Opportunities though, will not cease, and as soon as we are able, we may elect to leave our settled state again. But we would have already achieved our greatest goals, and so that we are not scrambling to accomplish at the end of our lives, but instead see each new day with grateful eyes and hearts, and are ever ready for the moment at which we will pass on to the next part of our existence. And having accomplished our dreams, we will already have a taste of this heaven, and so can desire it all the more strongly. And, surrounded by the fruits of our lives, we can return to our Creator with thanksgiving and joy in our hearts. God bless you, and may He aid you in all your pursuits. And may we always remember, "The glory of God is shown in man fully alive!" So conquer those misgivings and let God shine through you, and please pray that I might be enabled to do the same.

A New Look at Life

It is incredible how much of an impact one night can have on your life, for tonight reinforced all the gifts I know the Lord has given, but which I have kept under wraps for so long. I accredit my rediscovery to the incredible relationships I have with my brothers, and my friends here in Rockford. Someone expressed a lot of wisdom in the book named for the song "Live Like You Were Dying," saying that however imperfect our friends here are, we must accept them for who they are and treasure them despite their problems and issues. God is good to have given us the opportunities to have such relationships. Who would have thought that it would take a New Year's celebration to awaken me to the blessings He has placed in my life. Despite all the difficulties I have in dealing with all of my friends, I know that they love me, that they enjoy being with me, and that I feel exactly the same way. The power in that realization has overcome any uncertainty I feel in life right now, because even though I may fall, I know that they will always be there to pick me up. I owe a thanks to my mom and dad though too for having given me the opportunity to experience a bit of what it must feel like to be a parent. And Aunt Molly as always spreads her abundant love and unique personality to further warm the house and the celebration. Thank you to all of you who were here tonight, for all you have been to me in my short life, for all that we will be for one another in this new year to come, and for all we will ever be to one another. It has truly been a privilege and a blessing. May God bless and keep you all, for always!!!

New Findings

Life takes us down roads we could not even foresee, then the road seems to turn and we wait for everything to kind of make it around the turn without losing everything from before. Sometimes life is like this, a rollercoaster that we feel we cannot control. Yet, there are simple principles to this life, and they are these: love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and your neighbor as yourself. Everything else flows from this command. I admit though that I often get caught up with the "caesars," with the rulers of this world who demand their pay, and the others who provide for us, but only at a price. It's funny how I grew up hearing the importance of the Great Commandment, and at the same time phrases such as, "Money makes the world go round." Even now I struggle to reconcile these two realities. I am someone who pursues life one hundred percent, whether that mean my career, my education, my faith, my friendships, or my sense of self. I cannot just go halfway, and I feel that is what this dichotomy calls of us. I have always heralded the beauty of finding that which you love to do, then figuring out a way to get someone to pay you for doing it. This I may have found. Yet do I go? Going holds so many implications now. What ever happened to the transition between eighth grade and high school. Shoot I didn't have to do hardly anything and it was done. There were no regrets, no second thoughts, after I had made "my" decision. Now I have second thoughts even before I make decisions. So, to give myself a little advice, and to anyone else who might be listening in. Follow your heart, if an opportunity arises and your heart is cool with it, GO, live your Personal Life Story! If not, keep praying, keep searching, walk with your eyes open, do the work, and soon you will find what you seek. For truly our Lord tells us, SEEK and you will find, ASK and it will be given, KNOCK and the door will be opened to you. We play a role in this our life stories, would that we would have the courage to stand up and live them. May God grant us all the grace and courage to live every day as if it were our last.

Moderation

I am reading a book by the acclaimed author of "The Alchemist" Paulo Coelho. It is called "La Quinta Montana" and within he describes the life of the prophet Elias, whose name in English is Elijah. Coelho fascinates me with his ability to make the biblical story to come alive, to describe what it must have been like for the young Elijah to confront the beautiful Jezabel, who undermined the Christian foundations of Israel through her marriage to the king. One particular point Coelho vivifies is that of Elias' mentality. He illustrates that Elias must have realized that he was called to a higher role than those around him, and that fulfilling his role as a prophet would ultimately bring him great joy. But in the short-term he observed his contemporaries "traveling the seas" and "making love to random women" and experiencing through this a great pleasure. Elias knew that this pleasure was short-term, and yet he yearned for the simple life outside that of a prophet. I think that is our way so often, we settle for something, and then God shows us there is so much more that He has in the plan for us, and it is in those moments that we either balk or flourish. Yet flourishing usually does not mean following an easy road. The easy road is looking only to our own, personal, more short-term goals and not opening our minds and hearts to the will of God in our lives. This is the harder road.

Think about any sinful practice. C.S. Lewis makes the point that though the one who does not partake in the practice may be shamed by his peers, he ultimately chooses the more difficult road. It is easy to give in to sin, and so in resisting we grow stronger, if we always give in, we build no moral character nor resolve for future decisions. Seeing that we may be missing out on some level of pleasure in the practice, as Elias surely did, does not make it any easier for us to resist. But this is the road to which we are called. It is okay to acknowledge that some sinful practice, or even a worldly indulgence that is not necessarily sinful, would bring us pleasure, but we must recognize what that pleasure may do to us both physically and spiritually. Then in the end, we must remember who we are choosing for. And so I challenge myself and all of you; choose wisely.

TM

Reflections

First of all, thank you to all of you who continue to read this and inspire me to share the inner workings of my own inexplicable mind...

Unfortunately, issues in life are never 100% clear. Anyone who tells you any differently is trying to sell you something. I got that from somewhere but do not know exactly where to attribute it, so I will just say that I claim a second use of the words that illustrate this truth. C.S. Lewis says that the devil likes to send errors into the world in pairs, in order that by avoiding one in particular we draw nearer and nearer to the other. There is never an easy choice in life for this reason. We have to consider all the angles, what everyone has said on the issue, and in the end make the best decision possible according to our moral standards.

Take Iraq. It must have been a difficult decision to go to war, yet when the time came to stand up and take action our leader did it. And surprisingly, many congressmen supported him who ordinarily would not follow his lead. They were not swayed by party loyalties, but instead according to their own means of decision-making came to vote in favor of the war as well. Now many of them cut out, by saying the president has not gone about in the correct way, even though they endorsed his actions, and likely would have pursued the war in a similar way themselves.

Yet there are others who sit and feel self-justified in that they have always stood against war in any form. "I am a pacifist, and this decision by the president has disrupted the lives of these poor people in the Middle East." Now we must leave, then make more treaties, maybe do some hand-holding and kumbayah, and pretend 9/11 never happened!!!

The truth is that American leaders are doing their best to ensure our rights to life in this country, by taking out those who would threaten it. And these Islamic extremists threaten us with justifications that are disputed at best. So we are supposed to treat these people like they have concrete objectives, that they actually ultimately seek what is best for all of us? I think that naive idea was destroyed the moment they piloted two planes into the World Trade Centers, or maybe when Saddam Hussein murdered his own people using chemical and biological agents.

I know many people who have been affected by this war, and I know their feelings. I know they would gladly fight for this cause, because they believe that human life is more important than the psychological well-being of any group of people. We must look beyond these feelings, and consider the reality. If we do, and then compare what we see to the moral standards lying in our hearts and our minds, I think we begin to see the reality that we must act to eliminate this threat.

And I would stand strong if called along with my American brothers and sisters who defend our land today. May God bless and be with them and all of us in this time, and help us to see through any facade or lie to the truth. For this will truly set us free.

C.S. Lewis

My latest reading is "Mere Christianity" by the great Clive Staples Lewis. A great man, and a great philosopher. He began as an atheist but then Christianity was answering too many questions for him to stand against it any more.

For anyone who claims atheism I would highly encourage them to read him. Anything, even if only the Narnia tales.

One salient point I want to leave you with today is the idea of temptation. Those who give in to temptation cannot know the difficulty in avoiding indulgence, because they have never done so themselves. So often people try to pressure us into doing something that goes against our morals, but we should not feel that we are below them in refusing, but instead that we have chosen the higher and more difficult road. In truth, only Jesus Christ knows the breadth of suffering that accompanies resisting our appetites for he was perfect in maintaining command over them. Therefore, let us not look down next time we are pressured into thinking we should compromise our morals, but look to Christ as our guide and be proud that we can follow his dignity in some small way.

May our God and Father help us to learn the truth of this more and more every day, as well as bless our Holy Father while he is in Turkey for the next few days.
Tim

Islam

I am writing a paper on what our moves should be in Iraq, and in researching the topic I happened upon this site. Enjoy the truth with a bit of humour!!!

http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/

Good luck to you all in all of your end of the semester exams, papers, and projects!!!
Tm

Friends

So it approaches 1 am, and ironically I left some friends a couple of hours ago with the reason that I needed to catch some sleep between that time and my flight which leaves at 6 am, as you can tell I am doing a very good job of following through with that. I just really wanted to express these thoughts...

A new friend is like a diamond in the rough. Yet the more time you spend with them, the more you start to realize their brilliance, their incredible value and beauty that lie beneath the surface of their rough appearance. Reflecting on all the different relationships in my life, God has blessed me with many and diverse friends, and with every single one it starts at this same point. Two people who don't know each other from Adam nor Eve, proceed to become invaluable companions in this game we call life. Without my friends I can honestly say that I would not be here to write this today, I would have lost my mind long ago. Every time I come up with a hair-brained idea, a friend is there to squash it, or sometimes to egg me on, often to our detriment!!! Oh well! In times of sorrow, true friends know just how to be, and in times of joy, their joy can often exceed our own. To use the diamond analogy once more though, the diamond only reflects a unique example of the beauty of the whole creation, in the same way that friendship reflects our relationship with the whole of mankind that flows ultimately from God. Friends truly show us the face of God in our lives, and I am grateful for every single one of you that has ever put up with me. And so I thank you from the very depths of my heart...sending a special saludo y abrazo to those here in New York who have helped sustain me, and for those who have tolerated conversing with me on the telephone. For those I have failed to remain in touch with, I pray that we get to chat soon. Though we cannot all be together at once, I want you all to know that I love you and pray for you as often as I can. God is good, let us show our gratefulness in our relationships with one another.

"No greater love is there than this, to lay down one's life for a friend."

God bless and keep you all.

Concision

Unfortunately we always have something to learn. People will always know more than we do. I hope this follows naturally, yet if you disagree with me I would like to hear your point of view. We may be Albert Einstein in one aspect of our lives, yet in another we are as meek and foolish as a young child. Even Einstein himself was said to struggle with basic tasks in his life. It is by way of our education, which may take any number of forms. I can honestly say that many of the most important things I have learned in life I learned outside of school. So, how can we drop the level down to relativism in education? The idea that everyone is right, that children should be allowed to do math however they like, no matter where it leads them, sure their self-confidence may jump through the roof for a short time, but later when someone with half a mind tells the child now grown how wrong they are. There is a level of truth by which all academic disciplines can and must be viewed. Otherwise what is the point of education? And how do we proclaim this truth? Why must we beat around the bush telling someone how far they are off the mark? Why do we as people take things so personally? Pride? That we cannot admit that we might possibly fall short of the objective best way of doing whatever task?

I make no claim on these points, the only point I want to make is that there is an objective truth, because if there were not, the world could not function. If 2+2 is 4 for me and 5 for you, how in the world are we ever going to move beyond making change? As to the title of this essay, I have been told many times that I use too many words to express myself and should work toward concision. Surely I could throw this out, yet how will my writing improve. The difference between my writing quality and that of Cervantes is huge, and if I ever hope to bridge that gap I must approach a level of writing that stands high on a level of objective writing quality, an underlying truth that makes the written word most salient. I now make the bold claim that this objective truth underlies our whole reality. Relatioships, religion, the nature of God, if there is not a truth at the bottom of all these, what do we have? Nothing. Then it is to us to take all that we find in this world and find the intersections that lead us to the truth that will ultimately set us free. Should we ever encounter relativism in any context, I would hope that we would question it. Especially when it is affecting the most impresionable of our society. Relativism is not the answer to our problems (I include political correctness in this realm), we should call white white and black black, and from there confront the conflicts that arise with courage and strength that God will ultimately grant us. Let us pray for the strength, for the world needs us.

Frustration

Would that I had been born not knowing the truth. Would that this desire and passion inside of me would lead me away from the belief that I am accountable and responsible for my actions. Life would be so much easier this way. Guilt would not overcome us when we take that drink that crosses the line, when we treat anyone in our lives unfairly whether it be a friend or a girlfriend. Why were we given this truth. Why was I given this truth. To walk the world and know that I have everything encapsulated in my belief in Christ. Sure I have looked elsewhere, have investigated other religions, but I can always find something in these that strays from the truth.

Some relationships become difficult, because my view is different. I cannot just steal, cannot just get drunk, cannot just sleep with someone, and renouncing these has in many ways given me true freedom. Yet I am on the verge of graduating and do not know where to go from here. I know that I have a lot to give, but in what way? Do I just sit by and let these things go on around me when I know they are not right. Should I just participate in these myself because of the instant gratification and on the off-chance that God might not be paying attention?

No. We are called as men and women of God to hold to His teachings, and this I will do. Still I look more and more for fulfillment in this journey, and I have not yet found it. I have a friend who is Agnostic who possesses more joy and altruism than I could ever hope to have. My closest friends here affirm the existence of God, but how much due to their belief and how much due to what their parents imposed upon them and the Church upon their parents? Where am I supposed to fit in the midst of all this? I seek to love my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and my neighbor as myself, or do I? It is so easy to hold ourselves in high regard and ignore reality, and as part of my journey I have learned that it is thus critical to focus on the environment outside and not on oneself. For it is in this that we experience one another, and through us God.

Even still, the truth can sometimes seem to good to be true. I think of Unamuno's San Manuel Bueno Martir who spent his whole priestly life ministering to the people of his small parish, strengthening their faith in God, while he himself did not. Many other saints suffered with doubt and despair. One even described a man's faith as a board he clings to in a sea of doubt. Sometimes I feel this will be quelled by beginning a career, but I know this will not be true. We can fill our lives with as many distractions as we place, but in the end our destiny, everything we have done will mean nothing unless we answer that remaining question.

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:27-9)

Solutions???

I just read an excerpt from a book on "Polarity Management", in quotes because every time it appeared in the text it was followed by the infamous "TM". The author claims that often, when addressing an issue, neither a purely team nor a purely individual approach works very well. Somebody will always be unhappy. So this trademarked idea got me to thinking, because those unhappy with the Iraq War have called for a more unified worldwide effort. And in an ideal world, this would be tremendous, we could truly undermine the threat of terrorist action. Yet the idea of approaching this issue from a more "team-like" point of view brings in a lot of bickering and debate that would not and did not carry on for as long with a smaller coalition. Though we may have gone about combatting this enemy in the wrong way, I do not disagree with our President's decision to take action on this point without the support of the rest of the world. At some point, as the book describes, we need to applaud and support those who take a stand.

So the next time we think about the war, whether we agree or disagree with how the problem in Iraq is being addressed, let us give thanks for a man who had the courage to go beyond deliberation and take action. We could use more men and women who do what they believe is right and then stand by it.